Parent making assumptions about my social life (need advise, help, SOMETHING.)

[Phenomenal One]

i'm the youngest of seven kids (ages 21 to 39).

my sibilings had very social lives, everyone knew everyone else.
no one had a "secret life".
when my sibiling were younger, my mother knew everyone they hung out with.
she was the "cool mom", everybody knew who she was.
my mom built realtionships with alot of my sibilings childhood friends,
she even keeps in contact with two ex-boyfriends of my two sisters.

on the other hand, i am different.

i don't talk that much about my dealing with people (especially chicks) with my family.
if i'm talking to someone i'll throw it out there but if you ask me about it, you probably won't get an answer from me.
my family has accepted this and i can talk about things without feeling like i'm being interrogated or i'm being forced to talk.

my mother has basically made alot of assumption and old views about me and what i do (mentioning how i need to "get out more").
in her eyes im just starting to live my life.

- she's amazed that she's seen me talking to girls.
- perplexed as to why i was'nt best friends with an aquaintance she saw me talking to (asking why she has'nt seen them around).
- wondered why i choose to reject an invite to a cookout hosted by a girl i don't like (my mother knows the girls mom and thought since she was going why not ask me if i wanted to come).

the problem is that she's said these things to other people who i've yet to meet or whom im getting to know.
she's great at speaking up for me in inappropriate times.

i want my mother to realize i do have a life outside of being her son,
that i will make mistakes, chooses and do things she won't like but at the end of the day it's my life.

maybe i should talk to her....
i dont know.

 

[Taviii]

I find it that in today's world it is harder and harder to accomplish the desires of parents and that mostly slows us down in life.

500 days ago if your father was a farmer the best bet was that you will be one too because options were limited, but now with so many job options, so many information around and planes trains and cars that make it so easy to travel it is easy to understand that the dreams people have are a lot more complex and varied.

Better escape your mother and live your life your way. Doing things your way should in the end make her proud anyway even if it is not what she would want for you.

Don't fall into the trap of trying to satisfy others even if it does not satisfy you. Put yourself first.

Just remember to not fall in the other extreme and do **** just to piss your mother or other relatives off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU

 

[Alle_Gory]

if possible move out. otherwise try to separate your life from your parents. don't introduce them to people they can only fvck things up as you've seen.

they think they're helping and doing you a favor. you can't change that, but you can avoid it altogether with some planning ahead of time.



my folks are the same way, but them being more controlling than helping I took a more aggressive approach.

 

[Phenomenal One]

Better escape your mother and live your life your way. Doing things your way should in the end make her proud anyway even if it is not what she would want for you.

Don't fall into the trap of trying to satisfy others even if it does not satisfy you. Put yourself first.

Just remember to not fall in the other extreme and do **** just to piss your mother or other relatives off.

been there, done that

in 2003, i changed..... and it was'nt pretty.

- skipping school.
- threats of havin the cop called on me.
- fights and arguments with almost everyone.
- a "me against the world" attitude/mindset.

i did'nt care if the whole world crumbled around me, as long as i was getting what i wanted and doing things JUST to piss people off did'nt have a benefit to me.
i did so many things that today i still can't believe that was me.

while i feel that extreme was pretty dangerous, i actually got got good results with that attitude and i would have no problem going back to that.

if possible move out. otherwise try to separate your life from your parents. don't introduce them to people they can only fvck things up as you've seen.

they think they're helping and doing you a favor. you can't change that, but you can avoid it altogether with some planning ahead of time.

my folks are the same way, but them being more controlling than helping I took a more aggressive approach.

i've thought about moving out, but i want to build a steady income of money instead of moving out as soon as i get a little change in my pocket.

my dad's cool but my mom is known for tryin to help people a little too much.

i separate my life from my parents and thats mostly were the assumption are based from.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Better escape your mother and live your life your way.

This guy is right, I had a similar situation when I was younger.

You need to escape the influence of your mother and anyone else who acts like her. She will try to shape you into someone you don't want to be and living life as a fake is pretty miserable.

I had these kinds of pressures and more and the only thing it did was make me bitter about the experiences and the people involved. Do whatever you have to do, if diplomacy works great, if you have to be belligerent that's find too. Just escape the situation before it becomes worse.

 

[Alle_Gory]

i've thought about moving out, but i want to build a steady income of money instead of moving out as soon as i get a little change in my pocket.

Good.

my dad's cool but my mom is known for tryin to help people a little too much.

Yup. She probably doesn't have anything better to do. There's such a thing as too much when helping out.

Be nice, lie if you have to and deny, deny, deny. The truth in this situation will bury you. If possible, deny and omit information. Don't have to remember your lies that way. And you're always telling the truth.

It's not a parent's business to pry into their child's life. Parents are supposed to guide and inspire, not control and manipulate. If they want to play that game, then you're going to have to play by the same rules while you're still at home. They're not good people. Judge by actions, not by behavior.

My mom acts so nice and *helpful*. Sometimes she gives a sh*t, mostly its just an act she's gotten used to.

My dad, what can I say. He's a tool, but he knows how to work hard in his career. That about explains him.

 

[Black suit]

Read the last few paragraphs to her. Or most of the entire post. She'd understand.

 

[Phenomenal One]

You need to escape the influence of your mother and anyone else who acts like her. She will try to shape you into someone you don't want to be and living life as a fake is pretty miserable.

I had these kinds of pressures and more and the only thing it did was make me bitter about the experiences and the people involved.

my sisters boyfriend is like dat too, but he's at the extreme.

- know-it-all
- gives you advice you did'nt ask for.
- not doing anything but think other people should be doin this & that.
- talk sh!t about you behind you back.

no one in my family likes him, they just tolerate him.
heard that he was talkin about me, tellin my mother what i'm not doin and what i should be doin.

he's over stayed his welcome, im very close to kickin his a$$.

Do whatever you have to do, if diplomacy works great, if you have to be belligerent that's find too. Just escape the situation before it becomes worse

trust me, if i don't stop this now, it'll get worse.

these days im starting to see all the hypocrites who are surprise at my actions.
they do whatever they need to do to get what they want, then throw a
b!tchfit when i do the same thing.

Yup. She probably doesn't have anything better to do. There's such a thing as too much when helping out.

Be nice, lie if you have to and deny, deny, deny. The truth in this situation will bury you. If possible, deny and omit information. Don't have to remember your lies that way. And you're always telling the truth.

It's not a parent's business to pry into their child's life. Parents are supposed to guide and inspire, not control and manipulate. If they want to play that game, then you're going to have to play by the same rules while you're still at home. They're not good people. Judge by actions, not by behavior.

these past few months i've been omiting information.
in the past i've told a little to much than i'd feel like an idiot for saying so much.
i'd put myself into a trap were i'd feel like i needed to be completely honest,
and of course like others here, it'd come back to bite me in the a$$.

i think she just does'nt want me to screw up like so many people we know,
but i don't want to put myself in a cage, afraid to make mistakes.

Read the last few paragraphs to her. Or most of the entire post. She'd understand.

i may do that.