Paradigm Changing Quote

[flowtheory]

“How can I possibly be happy?” Asked a businessman, “I’ve just lost $200,000 on the stock market. I am ruined and disgraced.”

“You can be happier”, I said, “by not adding your own opinion to the facts. It is a fact that you lost $200,000. It is your opinion that you were ruined and disgraced.”

I then suggested that he memorize a saying of Epictetus, which has always been a favourite of mine: “Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.”

This can most certainly relate to many avenues within our own lives.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

When in doubt chilli out.

 

[Bible_Belt]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale
Stockdale's time as a prisoner of war, noting that during his imprisonment the vice admiral had concealed a small book of the teachings of the stoicist Epictetus that he said allowed him to survive his torture and confinement in Hanoi.

When Collins asked who didn't make it out of Vietnam, Stockdale replied:
Oh, that's easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.[19]

Stockdale then added:
This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

 

[guru1000]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale
Stockdale's time as a prisoner of war, noting that during his imprisonment the vice admiral had concealed a small book of the teachings of the stoicist Epictetus that he said allowed him to survive his torture and confinement in Hanoi.

When Collins asked who didn't make it out of Vietnam, Stockdale replied:
Oh, that's easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.[19]

They took no action to prompt their exit. They only hoped. This is passive optimism, which is equally as bad as passive pessimism. Neither works.

Here's the distinction:

Active optimism > Active neutrality > Active pessimism

 

[flowtheory]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale
Stockdale's time as a prisoner of war, noting that during his imprisonment the vice admiral had concealed a small book of the teachings of the stoicist Epictetus that he said allowed him to survive his torture and confinement in Hanoi.

When Collins asked who didn't make it out of Vietnam, Stockdale replied:
Oh, that's easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.[19]

Stockdale then added:
This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

Recently read Mans Search For Meaning by Vicktor E. Frankl. There was a part in the book which noted this also. Vikitor was a psychiatrist who was a prisoner in Auschwitz during the Second World War.
Some prisoners who did the same thing as noted above, died shortly after their imagined realeased date did not come to fruition. Their hope was deterioted in a rapid fashion; which therein, their spirit and health lost too; destroying everything within them. Very interesting and thought provoking. Good share @Bible_Belt

 

[flowtheory]

They took no action to prompt their exit. They only hoped. This is passive optimism, which is equally as bad as passive pessimism. Neither works.

Here's the distinction:

Active optimism > Active neutrality > Active pessimism

Can you elaborate on this thought, you generally have solid perspective.

 

[guru1000]

Can you elaborate on this thought, you generally have solid perspective.

Generally, not always, heh?

Take any act where you are de-validated, as in your thread example: You had a great first date, and the girl ghosted you when you requested a second date after her reaching out you. Hold on to this state for a moment.

Now let it go.

Take any act where you are validated, as in your PM example: You scheduled three dates in one day. Hold on to this state for a moment.

Now let it go.

Which of the two states would serve you best on a new first date?

Why?

 

[flowtheory]

Generally, not always, heh?

Hah I knew you would pick up on that word.

Why?

The second example would be more conducive to placing me within a better state.
It would do this because I’m not immobilized by a fleeting loss (scarcity) and possible victim mentality, but by possible opportunities (abundance) which is intrinsically motivated.
I think?

 

[guru1000]

I’m not immobilized
I think?

This is the key word, immobilized. In a positive mindset, you are not stifled, but free. When acting, act with an abundant mindset to optimize your cognitive resources and incite "positive emotions" into the person in front of you.

Pessimism is infectious. So is optimism. You want to invoke a positive state of mind into whomever you are "selling." Those who doubt a positive mindset have no track record in sales to understand this rudimentary concept.

Biblebelt's earlier post is true too. You don't want to just hope. You need to act.

 

[flowtheory]

This is the key word, immobilized. In a positive mindset, you are not stifled, but free. When acting, act with an abundant mindset to optimize your cognitive resources and incite "positive emotions" into the person in front of you.

Pessimism is infectious. So is optimism. You want to invoke a positive state of mind into whomever you are "selling." Those who doubt a positive mindset have no track record in sales to understand this rudimentary concept.

Biblebelt's earlier post is true too. You don't want to just hope. You need to act.

And this is where men generally go wrong on dates and what the issues are in plenty here. They act as if the woman will create that abundance, so they approach the sutuation(s) as though they need to gain from her, which in turn creates a need(iness).
So the goal is to be an actionable person operating from an intrinsic motivation, before one even meets that woman so you can quickly discern whether this woman will bring further abundance to you (asset), or be a liability to your progress. Then when situations arise one is able to negotiate or move forward from a place of strength as opposed from a place of desperation or lack.

 

[guru1000]

And this is where men generally go wrong on dates and what the issues are in plenty here. They act as if the woman will create that abundance, so they approach the sutuation(s) as though they need to gain from her, which in turn creates a need(iness).

This is key.

In a positive or abundant mindset, you are the arbiter of giving, not taking, as you are already so abundant, you no longer need to take and by virtue of your abundance, you can only give.

In a negative or scarcity mindset, you have nothing to give, and so you look only to take (to satisfy the scarcity).

On an subliminal level, the girl in front of you picks up on this vibe, that is the vibe of "giving" (sharing your abundance) to her rather than "taking" (needing her to fulfill your hole) from her. Into whom does she rather invest, the you who "adds" to her life--or--the you who can only "take" from her life?

 

[flowtheory]

Some fisherman is Asia somewhere,I forget exactly where, had to figure out how to keep their live catches fresher in the live wells on their way back to dock. Most fish don’t do well in confined spaces and when there’s numbers of them. They become very stressed and the sick ones quickly infect the rest

Their solution? Introduce a small species of shark into the livewells. It kept the fish actively fighting for their lives by swimming away from the shark as their naturally inclined to do. Problem solved

Solution when feeling down and unmotivated by life: go jump in the ocean on the coast of Australia where sharks are in abundance. Then you’ll see how much you want to live and enjoy life.

Also one place I will never surf. Surfing is my antidote to many things. But those sharks there love surfers more than the women dooooo

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Everything is relative.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

you guys would like man's search for meaning. read plz

 

[flowtheory]

Like you said, it’s a matter of perspective. Minor often overlooked distinctions can result in completely contrasting outcomes and solutions

Complain about a boring life in the suburbs where nothing ever happens, then try to live as a homeless person for a week and see how you feel afterwards

Yup. That’s why people should focus on the little things on a daily basis. The compound effect is real. And life is just a bunch of small things done over and over; negatively or positively which yields two contrasting results, as you said.
However most people believe it’s a matter of catching that ‘big break’ and then it’s that huge break which turns your life around. Nope. A great example is people who win the lottery. They catch a huge break, but then they lose all of it and more because they never had the financial knowledge of wealth.
Some men here could land a smoking hotty tomorrow and end up devistated more-so than they are now, a year from this point, as they never acquired the knowledge of self value/relationship.