countermart
Don Juan
I have a mate who is a fantastic trader. Over the years I have watched him to try and determine what makes him so good. In the end there were two clear factors in my view:
1) The first was the ability to take pain. He could lose, lose, lose and then come back and still make the next trade. He could take the pain of losing better than any other guy I knew.
2) The second point was self-worth. In no way did he associate the amount of money he had with his self-worth. So he was commonly neutral to the outcome. His self-worth in a trade was not on the line, win or lose. If he made a mistake he did not beat himself up about it. He moved on.
Yes, he did all the other things, worked hard, tried, acted on the opportunity etc, etc, but the above two where the standouts.
Some things I’m working on:
1) The older I get the more I realise that constantly running from or trying to minimise pain may have much larger long term costs. I now try to spend a bit more time deliberately trying to enter the pain zone – working harder, doing it because it’s difficult, taking the risk. Exposing myself to more pain. We need to laugh more in the face of pain and be defiant. It’s called courage.
We need to be able to take the pain and keep coming back.
2) The second thing I am coming to understand is that our time here is very limited. None of us are getting out of this alive. Yet so many of us live like we are going to be around for 1000 years. Your health is worth more money than the capitalisation of all the stocks on the NYSE. In two generations chances are nobody on this board will be remembered. The girls, the victories the defeats all history and forgotten. Nothing matters as much as we commonly think it does. For the younger guys, the older guys here understand that regret or not taking the chance hurts later. The girl you wonder about is the one that smiled at you years ago and you did nothing about it. That hurts, you remember her, you forget the one that rejected you. She’s always the one that comes up to you at the school reunion twenty years later and says “I wish I married a guy like you.”
We need to be willing to take the pain and keep coming back, and we need to act now or the opportunity will be lost.
3) The third thing is that we make all kinds of assumptions about outcomes, about occurrences and we label them as good or bad, likely or unlikely. If she rejected you, you assume she made a good decision. Why? Not assuming her value of you to be correct if it is negative, or that she has a monopoly on judgement, or your value as a person is important. Clearly many things are likely bad, but for many, many other things the answer is we simply do not know. I recall a group of Eastern Block children years ago who won a music prize to fly to the West. It was a great honour the best thing to happen in their lives? No. It was the worst thing that ever happened, the aircraft they were flying in crashed and they were all killed. True wisdom is increased neutrality to outcomes. The assumption is probably wrong.
We need to willing to take the pain, we need to act now or the opportunity will be lost, we need to be more neutral to the outcome, for most things we do not know if the outcome is good or bad, only time will tell. The assumption is probably wrong.
These traits are helpful when dealing with women. For example for those breaking up or thinking about it:
When we break up we naturally assume this is a bad outcome. However, the truth is we do not know the future and therefore we do not know if breaking up or not, is the very worst, or very best thing that ever happened to us. Only the future will tell, and we can influence the future by our actions. Running from the pain may not be beneficial either.
Remember, at the end of the day she has to like you and want to be with you. If she does not, she fails your test and you move on. You should take a relatively neutral view on the result. Do not assume she made a good decision. Take the view that you are now free and you will find a person better than her.
Every guy here who has gone through a bad divorce realises that sometimes the absolute best thing that ever happens to you is breaking up after a few months or years even...way before getting married, babies, the courts etc.
Countermart
1) The first was the ability to take pain. He could lose, lose, lose and then come back and still make the next trade. He could take the pain of losing better than any other guy I knew.
2) The second point was self-worth. In no way did he associate the amount of money he had with his self-worth. So he was commonly neutral to the outcome. His self-worth in a trade was not on the line, win or lose. If he made a mistake he did not beat himself up about it. He moved on.
Yes, he did all the other things, worked hard, tried, acted on the opportunity etc, etc, but the above two where the standouts.
Some things I’m working on:
1) The older I get the more I realise that constantly running from or trying to minimise pain may have much larger long term costs. I now try to spend a bit more time deliberately trying to enter the pain zone – working harder, doing it because it’s difficult, taking the risk. Exposing myself to more pain. We need to laugh more in the face of pain and be defiant. It’s called courage.
We need to be able to take the pain and keep coming back.
2) The second thing I am coming to understand is that our time here is very limited. None of us are getting out of this alive. Yet so many of us live like we are going to be around for 1000 years. Your health is worth more money than the capitalisation of all the stocks on the NYSE. In two generations chances are nobody on this board will be remembered. The girls, the victories the defeats all history and forgotten. Nothing matters as much as we commonly think it does. For the younger guys, the older guys here understand that regret or not taking the chance hurts later. The girl you wonder about is the one that smiled at you years ago and you did nothing about it. That hurts, you remember her, you forget the one that rejected you. She’s always the one that comes up to you at the school reunion twenty years later and says “I wish I married a guy like you.”
We need to be willing to take the pain and keep coming back, and we need to act now or the opportunity will be lost.
3) The third thing is that we make all kinds of assumptions about outcomes, about occurrences and we label them as good or bad, likely or unlikely. If she rejected you, you assume she made a good decision. Why? Not assuming her value of you to be correct if it is negative, or that she has a monopoly on judgement, or your value as a person is important. Clearly many things are likely bad, but for many, many other things the answer is we simply do not know. I recall a group of Eastern Block children years ago who won a music prize to fly to the West. It was a great honour the best thing to happen in their lives? No. It was the worst thing that ever happened, the aircraft they were flying in crashed and they were all killed. True wisdom is increased neutrality to outcomes. The assumption is probably wrong.
We need to willing to take the pain, we need to act now or the opportunity will be lost, we need to be more neutral to the outcome, for most things we do not know if the outcome is good or bad, only time will tell. The assumption is probably wrong.
These traits are helpful when dealing with women. For example for those breaking up or thinking about it:
When we break up we naturally assume this is a bad outcome. However, the truth is we do not know the future and therefore we do not know if breaking up or not, is the very worst, or very best thing that ever happened to us. Only the future will tell, and we can influence the future by our actions. Running from the pain may not be beneficial either.
Remember, at the end of the day she has to like you and want to be with you. If she does not, she fails your test and you move on. You should take a relatively neutral view on the result. Do not assume she made a good decision. Take the view that you are now free and you will find a person better than her.
Every guy here who has gone through a bad divorce realises that sometimes the absolute best thing that ever happens to you is breaking up after a few months or years even...way before getting married, babies, the courts etc.
Countermart
