Pace your LTR

[DrSassyPants]

I can't stress this enough! If you want an LTR to work, you're going to have to pace yourself.

I just broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year and a half. Things were perfect for the first year, or so we thought. What we didn't realize is that spending all our time with each other was actually making the life span of our relationship a whole lot shorter. We were blind to the fact that our happiness was becoming more and more dependent on each other. As that happened, the more AFC we both became.

I had everything in common with this girl. In fact, I seriously doubt I'll find someone else who I have that much in common with. But you know what? I still got bored. We literally lived together and spent all the time together that we could. I thought we were getting closer. WRONG. It was actually sucking all the excitement out of our relationship. There was nothing to look forward to, no special moments, etc. because we were always together.

I guess what I'm saying is this: No amount of chemistry, no amount of things in common, no ammount of connection is going to keep an LTR going when you put the girl at the center of your life. I should have been out having fun with my buddies and pursuing my hobbies. I thought I could do that with my girl there beside me, but it didn't work out that way.

Pace yourself. New relationships bring excitement along with them, and the tendency is to gobble up all that excitement at once. Don't do it! One, if not both, of you will get bored. Keep the challenge going, take relationships one step at a time, and if it's meant to be, that LTR will last and be fun at the same time.

 

[frivolousz21]

I guess what I'm saying is this: No amount of chemistry, no amount of things in common, no ammount of connection is going to keep an LTR going when you put the girl at the center of your life. I should have been out having fun with my buddies and pursuing my hobbies. I thought I could do that with my girl there beside me, but it didn't work out that way.

you are so right man.....I feel you..I feel like I have the women with me now....but I dont include her in my life...


she doenst get to hang out with me everyday..or see my friends all the time....

i see her 4 to 5 days a week tops..never more than 5 ever!

of course we talk everyday....sometimes more than 1 time..even throw in a text here or there.


but thats nothing compared to what I bet yours was like..and I apprciate this kind of post.

 

[Zhen]

hehe, dude, i don't know about you. but 5 times a week is a lot of the days of the week

 

[Flogger]

Originally posted by DrSassyPants
I can't stress this enough! If you want an LTR to work, you're going to have to pace yourself.

I just broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year and a half. Things were perfect for the first year, or so we thought. What we didn't realize is that spending all our time with each other was actually making the life span of our relationship a whole lot shorter. We were blind to the fact that our happiness was becoming more and more dependent on each other. As that happened, the more AFC we both became.

I had everything in common with this girl. In fact, I seriously doubt I'll find someone else who I have that much in common with. But you know what? I still got bored. We literally lived together and spent all the time together that we could. I thought we were getting closer. WRONG. It was actually sucking all the excitement out of our relationship. There was nothing to look forward to, no special moments, etc. because we were always together.

I guess what I'm saying is this: No amount of chemistry, no amount of things in common, no ammount of connection is going to keep an LTR going when you put the girl at the center of your life. I should have been out having fun with my buddies and pursuing my hobbies. I thought I could do that with my girl there beside me, but it didn't work out that way.

Pace yourself. New relationships bring excitement along with them, and the tendency is to gobble up all that excitement at once. Don't do it! One, if not both, of you will get bored. Keep the challenge going, take relationships one step at a time, and if it's meant to be, that LTR will last and be fun at the same time.

Words of wisdom...

 

[DrSassyPants]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
you are so right man.....I feel you..I feel like I have the women with me now....but I dont include her in my life...


she doenst get to hang out with me everyday..or see my friends all the time....

i see her 4 to 5 days a week tops..never more than 5 ever!

of course we talk everyday....sometimes more than 1 time..even throw in a text here or there.


but thats nothing compared to what I bet yours was like..and I apprciate this kind of post.

Sounds like you're going about it the right way, good for you! Talking every day is good too, assuming you've been together awhile, but make sure to limit that to an extent.

When me and my ex were apart (summer break), we would talk for an hour or two every night, on top of some convos during the day. Not a good thing at all. Live and learn I guess.

 

[zerocelcius]

wow I am glad I read this one.

It answers my other post "practice makes perfect."

all my other some what long relationships we have had seperation put there by life. Army, distance, etc..

Those didn't work so I have approached this relationship like you were saying. I don't remember when a whole day went that I haven't seen this girl I am with now. I already made plans to stay with her tonight, but after this I think I am going to make my self scarce until the camping trip thursday.

Actually now I think about it all I seem to do is hang out with her. Or deal with the nessisities, and work. Hmmm I have time to go out. Sounds like a plan.

thnx

PCZ 'N BEATS
DJ ZEROCELCIUS

 

[nishbuk]

Jesus, FIVE days a week? Wow. You must have one dependant girl!

If I wanted an LTR to last, I'd see her no more than 2 times a week max. 1 time most weeks.

 

[frivolousz21]

Jesus, FIVE days a week? Wow. You must have one dependant girl!

No not at all...


dude this stuff on this board is so far overblown out of reality its not even funny.

if you are both in love..NO one here or on the planet would say well I am so fyckint busy I cant see the women I love more than 1 or 2 times a week!

thats just stupid.

4 to 5 times a week means..I dont see her 2 or 3 times.....

Im 22 yrs old..Im not going out fycking sky diving or climbing mountains to feel like i have my own life.

I work full time..have 2 classes..see my friends mroe than her and I still manage to see her 3 to 5 times per week.

she is my partner.

thats how it is in good LTR

 

[nishbuk]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
No not at all...


dude this stuff on this board is so far overblown out of reality its not even funny.

if you are both in love..NO one here or on the planet would say well I am so fyckint busy I cant see the women I love more than 1 or 2 times a week!

thats just stupid.

4 to 5 times a week means..I dont see her 2 or 3 times.....

Im 22 yrs old..Im not going out fycking sky diving or climbing mountains to feel like i have my own life.

I work full time..have 2 classes..see my friends mroe than her and I still manage to see her 3 to 5 times per week.

she is my partner.

thats how it is in good LTR

Well I don't really know, but I guess if you are really in love, then I'm sure you have much more leeway with her. Most people that I know of get into LTRs and develope love over a course of 1-2 years. At least what I would consider real genuine love, not just saying "I love you". But then again, everyone's definition is a little different.

 

[Climax]

My way of looking at things...

While to an extent I DO agree that spending too much time together is bad.... here is my question:

What will happen when we get married one day?

At that time, we will LITERALLY be living with the woman, and we WILL do most things with her and see her not just 5 times a week, but 7 days a week. And that relationship wont be one that will need to last for a few years, it will be a relationship that will need to last forever (30 - 40 years roughly I’m guessing) .... So what then?

In my opinion, I think we need to LEARN how to be ABLE to be with the woman we love every day, and STILL make it work, and not for a short while, but for as long as you want.

The way to do this? Just make sure that you don’t start getting bored with her.... Do different things with her, go to different places with her, pick up new hobbies that the 2 of you can do together, make up new nicknames for her (yes, all these small things add up, trust me), ALWAYS be passionate with her, surprise her, etc... just keep that spark alight.

And just like you will act that way towards your gf/wife, she will act accordingly.

The thing is, is that most guys (and girls) out there think that a relationship and love is simple and everything just flows.... the truth is, is that it DOESNT, YOU and HER, BOTH of you together have the responsibility to keep that spark alight in the relationship. The second the one of you slack, it WILL affect the relationship. It might seem like too much of a mission to do now (all the things I stated that u need to do to keep the relationship alive and healthy), but after you do it for long enough, you should get to a stage where doing all of that, and more, will come naturally to you.

Anyways... I don’t want to flood you guys with this "different view" of looking at things, but I hope that this tip helps some of you out there

P.S.: I put this in the tips section too for others to see.


Laterz...

 

[frivolousz21]

Man I agree with you 100000 percent.


the feelings love come fast...it does take a long time to develop mature love.

I think to many guys come here with this edge against women.

and forget that a women is going to be the MOST important person you will ever have in your life....besides ur kids.


she will be there for EVERYTHING u do...


right now me and my girl are growing into that.....it will take a few yrs to get completely ready then get married.

but it TAKES A TON OF WORK..WE ALREADY HAVE TO WORK AND COMPROMISE, SACRAFICE....being a man isnt about playing games or being a hard ass..its about doing what you want..and if she is what you want and what you need.

YES I SAID NEED...BECAUSE U DO NEED A WOMENS LOVE...once you get there you will understand why you need it...

but it takes work!

 

[christz]

Originally posted by nishbuk
Jesus, FIVE days a week? Wow. You must have one dependant girl!

If I wanted an LTR to last, I'd see her no more than 2 times a week max. 1 time most weeks.

no offense to friv because he has good input, but look at his older post. This guy was gun ho on "fu*k a bytch and leave her"

some guys change more than others when they actually get a girl that they like.

 

[frivolousz21]

haha..I was gung hoe fyck a women..now leaving her..depends on how good she was



listen its all subjective and depends on what you have going on in your life. and how close you are to your girl.

she is going to Germany for 10 days then school starts..finally her senior yr..so then I will see her 2 or 3 times per week.


so there thats pace thing

and your right..I was wrong..and now that I feel this way about someone..it did change my perception

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by DrSassyPants

It was actually sucking all the excitement out of our relationship. There was nothing to look forward to, no special moments, etc. because we were always together.

It sounds more like you were addicted to those emotions rather than to the person.

What do you think it's like in marriage when you're living with the person and seeing each other every day? Doomed to failure?

Do you get sick of yourself because you're always with you? "I'm bored of me."


Not that i disagree with you.. i'm just wondering about those angles.