Own yourself as you are.

[Serenity]

When you discover you are a nice guy (in the negative sense) you might flip your game. You might become aggressive with a "my way or the highway" personality, but deep down you still don't think you're enough. You will just end up digging yourself in the drama that insecure people are painfully unaware of.

The thing that many nice guy miss is that being a nice guy isn't a disadvantage, in many cases this can be THE advantage you have over jerks. All you have to do is to own it, don't let anyone sh!t talk you for being nice. True confidence comes from accepting who you are, both strengths and weaknesses. The hardest thing you can do is to expose all of yourself to the world, this require more balls than anything else. Do it and allow others to judge you, some will not like you and some will love you. Don't care for the haters.

That's not to say you shouldn't learn effective and positive communication skills, like being assertive. Learning about them and learning when and how to use it can make a world of difference in expressing yourself.

Truly confident people are comfortable with exposing their vulnerabilities, they are also willing to learn and take risks. They live in a positive frame of mind and refuse to let the world break their optimism. This is more about what goes on inside your head than what you do on the outside. The most important thing is that you are completely honest with yourself and live with integrity.

You need boundaries for what behavior you will accept, only you can determine that. This does require experience and failure, you have to test the limits. How quickly you can get this hammered down depends on your will to learn.

Now this applies only if you consider a LTR with time, most women as we know are insecure so you won't get much to begin with. If you want quick lays you have to exaggerate your confidence and trick yourself into narcissism, because that's what insecure b!tches like. It can be done, but I recommend not getting caught up by it.

Life is a process, never ever think you know everything. Most are probably not ready to go to this step before they've had a certain amount of experience. This is just my own experience, ultimately it's your choice.

 

[Jariel]

I totally agree with you on this. So many guys - me being one of them - get hurt and rejected for being "too nice" so we decide to go to the opposite extreme and become a jerk. The problem is, we don't embrace the attractive traits of the jerk, we just cover up our insecurities with rude and moody behaviour.

You need to spend more time working out what it is about jerks that attract women. It's their independence, their impulsive side, their lack of fear and the excitement they make a woman feel. It's their ability to make a woman feel like she's the centre of his universe one night and then be too busy to text her or take her calls the following day, or more.

But you don't have to be a jerk to do this. You just have to fill you life with something other than women, and like Grewd says, set your boundaries!

If you're looking to be good with women, you're best dropping the nice guy vs bad boy mentality and instead aim to be a charismatic guy, a man of value, a man who is passionate about life, because these are the men that women (and everyone) gravitate towards.

I look at myself and the rejections I've had and the ex girlfriend who rejected me, and I think "damn, I'm too nice, I'm too needy, insecure. I need to change." But then I check Facebook and I see many women I've dated in the past, colleagues or friends of friends messaging me, poking me, liking my photos and statuses and chasing me like schoolgirls with crushes. I realise, I have these women in the palm of my hand. In fact, I could message a few of them, tell them I just want a booty call and they'd come running.

Once every so often I'll like a photo of theirs or send a long overdue reply to their messages or texts, and give them hope...and then I withdraw again and watch them chase me. None of this is intentional. It just comes down to the fact that my interest towards them is erratic. One day I think I'd like to see them, bang them or even date them, but then when I see how keen they are, it makes me back off. It feels like too much pressure, too high expectations.

Some would call me a jerk for doing this, but at no point am I ever rude to them, insulting or angry. I don't intentionally try to hurt any of them. I just stay one step out of reach.

But this shows the fundamentals of the jerk vs nice guy. It's not the being nice that scares women away, it's the neediness, insecurity, being too available, too supplicating, too eager to please, and it's not the rude or angry behaviour of the jerk that attracts women, it's their independence, their confidence, the way they're unavailable and erratic in their attention. But even most jerks make women feel good, at least some of the time.

 

[TitanSS]

Just do what you want.

Most of us have been trained by nearly everything around us that what we want is a long term monogamous relationship. If that's your primary objective with every attractive female you sleep with you will become even more insecure.

It's possible to use the ******* technique, land the hot babe you never thought you could get, yes. But if you're in it for her and not yourself you will develop oneitis. And as soon as she sees you're more interested in her than she is in you... she's gone.

Make YOUR life better and the *****es just fall in line. Not because your out purposely trying to be a ****head.. but because you are the MAN. You are living for yourself and you acknowledge ahead of time that any woman who doesn't want to be in your frame isn't worth a grain of salt.

Women want a man who isn't insecure. A man of character that actually stands for the things he says he believes in and isn't going to let a piece of ass change his mind. Even if that means losing that piece of ass.

Lose the Jerk vs. Nice Guy mentality. That's a very narrow way of looking at the grand scheme. The jerk values himself more than the woman and the nice guy vice versa. That's why the Nice Guys finish last.

But the last thing you need to get in your head is that you need to be an ******* to believe you are a high value male.

 

[YAboi]

I Love this thread.