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Own Your Failures

Colossus

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I read a post today, which I wont link to because it's really a waste of your mind's time; but the gist of it was a now-manosphere blogger who had undergone an involuntary period of celibacy. Not a year, or two, or even five, but TWELVE YEARS. Seemed like his late teens and most of his twenties. It was a scathing, profanity-laden, angst-saturated diatribe of hatred. And rightfully so, I cant imagine that level of protracted emotional torture in modern hook-up culture. I had a similar level of angst in my teens before I got laid.

But what stood out to me was the lack of personal ownership for his celibacy. All of his rage was directed at women, PUAs, and frat boys (the parties actually getting laid). The post may have just been catharsis for him, but it got me thinking about how a lack of personal accountability for your failures is not only weak and anti-MAN, it's dangerous.

We are now in an era where hundreds if not thousands of betas, herbs, white knights, and social outcasts are coming into the fold of red pill knowledge and getting themselves laid. I think it's fantastic. Game (true game, not PUA parlor tricks), benefits everybody. Unfortunately, however, once guys are indoctrinated into realistic critical thinking regarding women, there is an initial period of rage, cynicism, and flat-out misogyny for the years of wasted life and beta banality. It's an understandable growth phase, but many men never leave this phase. Think the MGTOWs. They live in a perpetual state of quasi-rebellion based in large part on their past failures.

So let's call it what it is: a failure. For all the years you got tooled on, dumped, LJBF'ed, used, and ignored; there was a fundamental failure of your manhood and social intelligence. That doesn't mean that YOU yourself are a failure; the failure is multifactorial. Perhaps your father was a beta himself, or a terrible family leader. Perhaps you were slowly emasculated by a single mother. Perhaps you had a traumatic experience that stunted your growth socially and caused a ripple effect that extended for years. Regardless of the circumstances, there were a multitude of events, relationships, and personal fears that kept you from getting the satisfaction with women you wanted. And that's ok, that's why the manosphere exists, but OWN UP TO IT.

You used to be a b!tch.
You used to be a beta.
You used to be a herb.
You used to be an emotional tampon.
You used to be skinny.
You used to be shy.

Whatever it is you used to embody, that is all on you, my friend. Own up to it. No one cares but you. You cant go back in time and change it, you cant make the people pay who may have had partial responsibility. You cant make women pay as a whole for your failures. You must OWN it, as unpleasant as it may be, for that is what a Man does. He owns his mistakes and failures, and he learns from them. He adapts and overcomes, then looks at his conquests victoriously knowing that HE changed his own course and is wholly responsible for his own victories.

If you don't, you will hold on to this angst forever and carry it into your future relationships. Let go of your hatred and your rage against the female gender. They are what they are, and you can either get BETTER and start WINNING, or p!ss and moan and blame everyone else for your sad state of affairs. Don't be the guy who channels his rage into a sociopathic tragedy, or who never moves beyond the slights of others. Be the guy who USED to be a chump, but now is unrecognizable as his former self. A Phoenix. Reach down into your pants, feel your testicles and your c0ck, and start making decisions that will make you better. Every day. Dozens of them in accumulation, until one day you will realize what a boss you've become compared to your former self. You wont even be p!ssed off at other dudes who hate on your game, because your game WORKS. You are the one who is out there, meeting, dating, and laying the women you like, at your leisure. And you'll keep learning. The game never ends, amigos. Pass on your knowledge to other guys and stop the disease of AFCism. Instead of wailing away at what feminism has done to our culture, bemoaning how you got raped in your divorce or how your ex cheated on you, take ownership in your own life and development.
 

corrector

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So, you are suggesting this guy's failures may not because he didn't have right looks that women want? These days, if you have a hot pic on an internet profie then there is no such thing as involuntary celibacy. How many studs complain about that?

Let's face it, maybe women are just superficial, and if your looks can only attract a 4 or less after allot of hard work, or something higher with allot of baggage, then no wonder people are pissed off.
 

Colossus

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Of course things like looks, social heritage, and natural charisma come into play with regards to attraction. My point is that we , as men, should own them regardless, and make intentional changes to the things we CAN control. There are plenty of examples of guys with average to below average looks who have learned game and done quite well with women. Roosh is a great example; most women wouldn't call him a hunk by any means, but he practiced and studied and honed a great pickup system.
 

samspade

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1. Assess and admit to your failings with women. YOU are responsible for them. A woman may fail with you through her own behavior, but you are still responsible for your actions in response to that.

2. Accept that no matter what, not all women will find you attractive or be available. Identify and Next them quickly.

3. Pursuant to #2, approach enough women to allow for success.

I'll be the first to admit, I used to be an AFC, an emotional tampon, and a beta. Not an herb LOL. I can think of a number of failures where a woman probably wanted me and I couldn't close the deal. It was my fault - not hers. I know there were plenty of other times I never gave myself the chance to fail, which is far, far worse.

A pic on the internet is not an approach.
 

Alvafe

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I think the gist of it is stop blamming others for your probem and do waht you can to solve then, ignoring the problem, like he said not scoring girls, and blaming others for it and waiting for the right one to show.

do what you can, for me example I lost lot of ass for lack of action some I could easily bang if I acted not just waited for the right moment, course most of time I was not really interested, but when I was I make mistakes, fixing that last year or so but still sometimes I feel the lack of action coming around again.

so just fix your problems not blame others for it
 

The_411

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Corrector,

You missed the point of what Colossus was saying. All he's saying is that when you fail it's all too easy to blame someone else, but in doing so you then you develop a habit of blaming and instead of self-reflection for growth you become overly engrossed in deflecting responsibility.

It's a waste of time to blame a girl because ultimately it doesn't change anything. Does that mean that girls don't act ridiculous? Of course not.

However, to elevate yourself you've got to want to beat the game.

It's akin to playing Contra with out the cheat code. You probably didn't get that far the first time you played, but the more you played the more you were able to progress because you began to recognize patterns, and you were able to see what was going to happen and how the game would respond to your decisions.

What good did it do you to curse the game and throw your controller? Sure, it's was a release, but it didn't get you any closer to beating the game.

Clearly there's more to gaming females, but the idea is the same. Getting mad at women is time that could be spent working on yourself for you and/or time where you can learn and improve.

Once you look at rejection as a challenge and a way to analyze where you went wrong. You'll begin to see that your game can improve if you tighten it up you might get into the same situation and "beat the game"
 

Fatal Jay

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Good thread, you get no where blaming women or others. Blame yourself and you will start improving.
 

synergy1

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once upon a time ago I couldn't get women. While my upbringing was anything but a model example, it was still painful to not be getting laid while others were. Persistently stubborn, it took really understanding my predicament to realize that change was needed - it also took a serendipitous post on a thread many years ago. After reading it, it resonated with me...it felt like the whole matrix analogy that we all use ( but it was far before I ever came here).

Once I was able to look inward and realize that my entire frame was wrong, real change was able to take place. Started working out, started approaching, started learning what DID and DID NOT work. Some guys just got it...I had to work at it. However putting the ego aside, it made it easy to change up and adapt to really find how to approach, read body language, and get with women. While one could argue its a PUA style of approach..it works, plain and simple. However this change would not have been able to exist had I not looked at my failures and decided enough was enough.

Most men can not ,and will not do this. They will insist it is the world, and not themselves who are to blame and will continue with the same results despite frustration. I feel bad for them, but I do not...having been in a similar situation I made a conscience choice to do something new. If they do not, than they only have themselves to blame..
 

corrector

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synergy1 said:
once upon a time ago I couldn't get women. While my upbringing was anything but a model example, it was still painful to not be getting laid while others were. Persistently stubborn, it took really understanding my predicament to realize that change was needed - it also took a serendipitous post on a thread many years ago. After reading it, it resonated with me...it felt like the whole matrix analogy that we all use ( but it was far before I ever came here).

Once I was able to look inward and realize that my entire frame was wrong, real change was able to take place. Started working out, started approaching, started learning what DID and DID NOT work. Some guys just got it...I had to work at it. However putting the ego aside, it made it easy to change up and adapt to really find how to approach, read body language, and get with women. While one could argue its a PUA style of approach..it works, plain and simple. However this change would not have been able to exist had I not looked at my failures and decided enough was enough.

Most men can not ,and will not do this. They will insist it is the world, and not themselves who are to blame and will continue with the same results despite frustration. I feel bad for them, but I do not...having been in a similar situation I made a conscience choice to do something new. If they do not, than they only have themselves to blame..
This is an example of someone who, instead of blaming women, society, God, or the devil, for their problems, has decided to take some practical action in achieving his goals.

Do you have a dream girlfriend? Are you living out the single man's dreams (i.e. getting laid by a hb7+ that is STD-free once every other week with minimal effort), etc...? Inspire us.
 

ArcBound

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Colossus I believe you are talking about M3 but from what I've seen in his blog it looks like he completely did a 180, realized what he was doing for 12 years was wrong, worked out, built muscle, built his job up and is now pretty successful with women.

He had 12 years of failure and fixed that, I have nothing but respect for the dude, sure he could have realized sooner but it takes some people time. I don't think he is blaming just those people, I think he is blaming himself for listening to them and not realizing sooner.

But either way your post is right in that if we never own our mistakes, we can never change and become a new person. The moment M3 did that he ended his celibacy. The post you read, he put all of his rage, anger, thoughts, he had over the years condensed into one post, of course it will have some pretty vitriolic stuff. But if you read a lot of his other posts he is much more level headed and shows that he actually learned from his mistakes.
 

synergy1

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corrector said:
This is an example of someone who, instead of blaming women, society, God, or the devil, for their problems, has decided to take some practical action in achieving his goals.

Do you have a dream girlfriend? Are you living out the single man's dreams (i.e. getting laid by a hb7+ that is STD-free once every other week with minimal effort), etc...? Inspire us.

I do not have a dream girlfriend, but know what my dream girlfriend will be like. No Not talking about a supermodel, but the kind of women that I like. Hot, active, optimistic, intelligent, personable. Knowing what you are looking for is a step in the right direction - settling ( what most men do) is not.

As for living the dream, sometimes yes and sometimes no. There are always ups and downs, and I am still to this day learning what works and what doesn't. The funny part is that most of the time its automatic and I do not even remember what I say to women. Some of my lays are good, some are not...being single means you have to hustle for it all the time. This aspect can get tiresome, but at the same time if the opportunities are good, than the game is fun. To me the funnest part is going out with a wingman/friend and striving for more but many of my friends are getting girlfriends or not going out...

The point of my two posts is that it CAN be done. Anyone who says it cant simply isn't working at it. They aren't working out. They aren't bettering themselves in any way. yes it will be frustrating and you will want to hate the world, but at the end of the day, the world wont care if you die a virgin...you will though.
 

Bible_Belt

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I had a boss once who was ungodly rich. It was family money; it's not like he earned it all himself, but they were literally billionaires - that's wealth in the thousands of millions. They were the most financially successful people I've ever met.

They were venture capitalists by trade; they bought and sold companies. I know he made countless good deals, but the only one he ever talked about was his greatest failure, Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Before that company went public on the stock market with a hugely successful ipo that made billions, they had gone to my boss asking him to buy their company. He told them no. He said people were starting to eat healthy, and a doughnut company was not a good investment. After him, they went to the nasdaq, and became one of the most successful ipos of the 1990's. My boss would have made a billion dollars off of them, but he turned them away.

And that just ate him up. He was obsessed with that failure. After that, when he was looking at a new deal, he worked 2-3 times as hard, desperate to avoid another Krispy Kreme scenario. He used that failure to make himself work harder and eventually become even more successful. He could do that because he owned his failure; he owned it to the fullest extent possible. He didn't make excuses, or blame anyone else but himself. That is a sign of a successful man.
 
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