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Overreaction

JohnJones

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I'm in an LTR (about 8 mos). My g/f and I stay over with each other a lot, and I actually prefer to stay at her place over mine since the accomodations are better. I like her fine and plan to continue with the status quo. She is a little more forward planning than I am.

In our early going she was frankly a little obnoxious in talking about her exes, including one comment about generosity of endowment. Potentially these are just b1tchy comments, but if nothing else they struck me as being a little young (she's 29 now). I think its also likely that she believed I would be pleased by her damning them and pumping me up.

Regardless of my emotional state toward her, I pay some attention to things she says that might be taken as disrespectful -- for all of her forward looking plans with me, I am aware that her former b/fs did not get exactly what I would call the best treatment from her (and I am not sure they deserved what they got). Since I am still having a good time and so is she I believe, most of my reactions are in principle but not over-emotional.

Last night, she made a comment that owing to some weight gain (deminimus) her chest has gotten larger and that at certain times of the month they swell even larger. I complimented her on her weight gain (honestly it makes her a little more attractive) and wished that I too could swell up a little at certain times of the month, to which her response was "wow, I wish you could swell up too.."

Small joke and not that rude, but since I have heard somewhat obnoxious comments made about other people, it registered as topically bad --

We continued to watch TV and there was a guy on the show who had been stalking women. I have a pretty nonchalant manner and have asserted in the past that I'd make a good crook because I blend pretty well and can appear and disappear with some ease (again, pointless banter).

So to follow up the d1ck joke, she asserted that I'd make a good stalker because I blend so well...

For whatever reason, I just decided I wasn't feeling the love. Basically, I didn't feel insulted or degraded and I wasn't mad, I just didn't see a whole lot of upside in staying the night (a couple of obnoxious comments aren't bad, but I'm not married to her and felt like going home).

On the sensitivity front, my issue basically is that I've heard these comments about others who were out of favor when the comment was made, so if the comments start to creep in now what, if anything, does that mean about how she thinks she can talk to me?

So I did -- I told her literally that I wasn't feeling the love, wasn't that big a deal but that I was leaving. She got pretty mad about it and sent a series of messages after I left about whether I was very committed to us, what my actions showed, etc., and that I overreacted.

I think I did not overreact (in the sense of being wounded or otherwise) because mostly I was doing what I wanted to, and that was just to go home. Why stick around with, sleep with and generally maintain upbeat moods with someone who took a swipe at you, even if it was small and unintended.

Its a long dull post, but anyone who wants to tell me I failed to finesse it right, feel free.
 

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Genghis Juan

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What was she specifically saying about her ex's that concerned you?

From what I read, the teasing doesn't seem so bad. Did she say worse things to you?

Maybe the bottom line is that her personna doesn't really click with yours.
 

JohnJones

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Essentially, going back some time when she was a little drunk she told me her last b/f was "not that well endowed". This was when we were hooking up the first time.

Frankly, her history is not that great (some cheating, including a some with me, some monkey girl stuff) that probably makes me more attentive to disrespectfulness. Frankly, she may have just been imature and had a bad couple of b/fs, or she may be a recovering attention 'ho -- at this point I like her but am not betting the farm until I know more.
 

NewMan

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So, your taking things out on her, because of what she told you when she had a couple of ****tails - and other stuff she said to you upfront?

So she's been honest with you about some of the BF's in the past. And she also told you her last guy had a small d#ck when she was drunk....

That is no big deal.

Your assuming then that she's going to say bad things about you when you become her ex?

1) What does it matter what she says about you after the fact?

2) your starting this relationship believing that you guys will break up.


You lack some self confidence here.

Plus she's laying on you some great neg hits and she's teasing you. Get some balls would be my suggestion.


If you are just way to sensitive to handle this - next her.
 

dietzcoi

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The neg hits are teasing are OK in my book.

However, talking about the exes is bad business.

Just watch what she does the next weeks and judge what to do.

Dietzcoi
 
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Eileen

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I think you behaved like a child. If you weren't feeling the love, say so but don't go storming out after. It's like running off and pouting because you didn't get your way. Did you take your toys with you too?
 
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