Overprotective Parents and How to deal with it?

[jlazz]

Okay, my parents are overprotective. Example: I'm out somewhere and my parents will call to ask where I'm at and what time I'll be home, etc. If I want to go out somewhere the're usually restrictive. They say I shouldn't hang out too long because there are more productive things to do. I don't have a curfue like normal kids ("be home by 12") etc, but instead I have to be home when they feel like it. If I'm hanging out with a girl they assume she's my girlfriend and ask tons of questions. So I end up lying to them, but when I lie to them and hang out...I regret lying to them. How do I deal with them? They don't understand that I need a life too...I can't focus on school all the time even in the summer...its retarded. How do I allow them to let me be out late. Even when I go out partying late and come home at 1-2 they'll stay awake to make sure I'm home. Its crazy.

 

[brenbaus]

dude, my parents used to be the same way, once they find out that they can trust you (you just have to be mature) they will stop being so protective

 

[jlazz]

Yeah, but then they'll get pissed for not answering their phone call. Also how do you let them allow to stay out late? What do you tell them?

 

[jlazz]

I'm really mature, but they still don't trust me. I do well in school and balance my time effectively between school and other things, yet they still won't let go. Any advice?

Originally posted by brenbaus
dude, my parents used to be the same way, once they find out that they can trust you (you just have to be mature) they will stop being so protective

 

[brenbaus]

talk to them about it, what we think is mature and what your parents think is mature may be two different things, basically, confront them about it in a mature, adult like way, speak to them like you would when you ask your boss for a raise.

 

[jlazz]

They're gonna ask me "why do you need to stay out late...you can hang out during the afternoon"...

Originally posted by brenbaus
talk to them about it, what we think is mature and what your parents think is mature may be two different things, basically, confront them about it in a mature, adult like way, speak to them like you would when you ask your boss for a raise.

 

[MVP¤¥¤JI€GALO]

Originally posted by Soniq_red
tell them a story about a football player whose dad never let him go out, made him bring his own sugar free cake to birthday parties, never let him eat McDonald's or KFC, Made him train 5 times a week and when the kid was shipped off to college to play football he was free he drank all he could, he did drugs, failed school, and never played a game of football. "He never had freedom he never had fun until college and then he messed up, let me have fun now, i won't do it all in college"

Originally posted by brenbaus
talk to them about it, what we think is mature and what your parents think is mature may be two different things, basically, confront them about it in a mature, adult like way, speak to them like you would when you ask your boss for a raise.

Both are really good advice. My parents are really strict and over protective 2 so i might just lay both of this advice i now acknowlege on them. But as i see it its like a age thing, cus i remember back in the days my parents would let me play with whoever, whenever i want but as i grow up and startin to really show intrestin in girls and life, cars, ect. they start to get realy protective. I think its cus they now startin to realize the cold hard fact that someday we will leave them so they want to hold on to us as long as possible or they just simply dont want you gettin some girl pregnant. Whatever the case its just one of lifes obstacle which we as teens must pound our way through.

 

[jlazz]

I understand what you mean. When I was younger I'd stay out late hanging around with random people...then as I went to highschool they became restrictive. I guess I'll have a talk with my dad and explain to him how I need to have my fun while balancing other things or I won't enjoy my early life. They assume "you work hard now and can enjoy later" when its supposed to be "enjoy your childhood/teen years because once you get older you won't have time." Anyone else have any advice?

Originally posted by MVP¤¥¤JI€GALO
Both are really good advice. My parents are really strict and over protective 2 so i might just lay both of this advice i now acknowlege on them. But as i see it its like a age thing, cus i remember back in the days my parents would let me play with whoever, whenever i want but as i grow up and startin to really show intrestin in girls and life, cars, ect. they start to get realy protective. I think its cus they now startin to realize the cold hard fact that someday we will leave them so they want to hold on to us as long as possible or they just simply dont want you gettin some girl pregnant. Whatever the case its just one of lifes obstacle which we as teens must pound our way through.

 

[jlazz]

Also, past few years I didn't go out at all and pretty much didn't hang out with many people. But lately since my confidence has gone up, I've made a lot more friends and a lot more people invite me to do things w/ them...I guess my parents are kind of worried about me sporatically wanting to hang out more often lately. Maybe I should explain to them how I've made more friends and I'm less antisocial.

 

[penkitten]

relax

you will be grown and gone outta the house before you know it

remember that your parents care

 

[Smooth Player 056]

dude, your 17, youll be 18 soon and then u can do whatever the hell u want, at any time u want

 

[brenbaus]

Originally posted by Smooth Player 056
dude, your 17, youll be 18 soon and then u can do whatever the hell u want, at any time u want

Not necerrily, I am 18, and I still have to abide by my parents rules, because I go to school full time, I can stay at home, but I have to abide by thier rules

 

[immrtlwun]

My parents will give me a curfew, but when that time comes I call and tell them something like "We're playing poker and I have the biggest stack, I'll be a little later getting home tonight." So just make up some excuse to stay out later.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by brenbaus
Not necerrily, I am 18, and I still have to abide by my parents rules, because I go to school full time, I can stay at home, but I have to abide by thier rules

so the choice is yours my friend, stay at home and deal with their rules or go get your own place that is not as nice, where you have to pay all the bills and feed yourself.
its simply a matter of choice.
whichever choice you choose will have good and bad things. you have to decide which is worse.

 

[Fabrizio]

yea, parents can really mess up someones weekend plans.

my parents were sort of lenient, back when i was 14 i was allowed til 1 am.
as i got to 15, the curfew stayed the same, and they would wait for me to get home, and sometimes not. sometimes i could drink and come home smelling like a little alcohol, and they wouldnt trip too much. but then i got arrested for drinking, and ever since then they've been on paranoid $hit. i've came home drunk since then and after that i get a little grounding and a long ass lecture, and now i will not drink, or drink very little or get wasted and spend the night at a friends house. now that i am 16, most of my friends are older, and like to stay out late, and i want to do that too, but my parents usually trip about what time i come home. during the day i can be gone all day if i want to, but its at night when they know bad **** happens.

well hey, atleast my curfew isnt 11 like some kids my age.

 

[08aisaac]

Truly, I lived a very unsocial life, outside of school, last year, and then I moved at the end of Summer, and I am just meeting people, and haven't been able to really go out yet. But mom seems pretty cool, and will let me.

I mean I can usually get away with anything, and it is Lax, but she wouldn't let me drink, or hook up or anything, so I better be careful.

 

[Jay-X]

my parents are even crazier... i mean, they are not overprotective, but they are totally crazy over some little sh1t.
for example: i can stay out until 2 am or so... but at 4 am they will wake up and check if i'm home! i mean, have a life, why do you have to get up at 4 am to do my business?!?! mind yours!

they let me drink wine since i was 8 (well, very small doses back then) and know that i go to pubs with my friends very often. anyway, this summer, when they found out there was beer at the party i was at, they started asking me if there was heavier stuff... they were not p1ssed off but kept asking questions to make sure...
plus, they probably know that i get drunk often, but if they found out that i smoke pot, they would ask for medical and psychological support.

also, i have to insist for hours, before they let me spend the night at a sleep-over party... i mean, they'll let me, but we have to discuss it for ages... that's why now i usually tell them i have to go to a party. then, 10 minutes before leaving, i say "oh, it's a sleep-over party", so they can't bother me too long, because i'll be late
they also would not let me go, if they knew my girlfriend was there... even though they are aware that we have sex every freakin day! when i confronted them about this, my mother said "well, when you have sex occasionally, you surely use protection, but if you want to have sex in the middle of the night, you will forget it"... do you fùckin think i'm stupid?!?!

when i ride my bike and i tell them about reaching a place that is 35km (20 miles) distant, they will say 'you should try to join a team, you could do very well, if you trained regularly!'. but if i say 'mom, i'm going to have a ride on the hills', i will be answered 'yes, but do not go far away'

but what bothers me the most is that when i had a B-- average in my junior year, they would say that i hadn't studied hard enough and let me move to a easier school (now i study less and i have higher grades), while my brother risked to repeat the year and they complimented on him for passing it... i mean, he had a D average! plus, he can do everything i couldn't do when i had his age...


do you think your parents are crazy yet?

 

[familyguyfan]

Originally posted by Jay-X
my parents are even crazier... i mean, they are not overprotective, but they are totally crazy over some little sh1t.
for example: i can stay out until 2 am or so... but at 4 am they will wake up and check if i'm home! i mean, have a life, why do you have to get up at 4 am to do my business?!?! mind yours!

they let me drink wine since i was 8 (well, very small doses back then) and know that i go to pubs with my friends very often. anyway, this summer, when they found out there was beer at the party i was at, they started asking me if there was heavier stuff... they were not p1ssed off but kept asking questions to make sure...
plus, they probably know that i get drunk often, but if they found out that i smoke pot, they would ask for medical and psychological support.

also, i have to insist for hours, before they let me spend the night at a sleep-over party... i mean, they'll let me, but we have to discuss it for ages... that's why now i usually tell them i have to go to a party. then, 10 minutes before leaving, i say "oh, it's a sleep-over party", so they can't bother me too long, because i'll be late
they also would not let me go, if they knew my girlfriend was there... even though they are aware that we have sex every freakin day! when i confronted them about this, my mother said "well, when you have sex occasionally, you surely use protection, but if you want to have sex in the middle of the night, you will forget it"... do you fùckin think i'm stupid?!?!

when i ride my bike and i tell them about reaching a place that is 35km (20 miles) distant, they will say 'you should try to join a team, you could do very well, if you trained regularly!'. but if i say 'mom, i'm going to have a ride on the hills', i will be answered 'yes, but do not go far away'

but what bothers me the most is that when i had a B-- average in my junior year, they would say that i hadn't studied hard enough and let me move to a easier school (now i study less and i have higher grades), while my brother risked to repeat the year and they complimented on him for passing it... i mean, he had a D average! plus, he can do everything i couldn't do when i had his age...


do you think your parents are crazy yet?

Uhh, I would say you have it pretty damn good. You have a 2 AM curfew, but can really stay out until 4 (I'd say them waking up at 4 AM to see if you're there is more of an inconvenience to them than you), you can have sex with your girlfriend with no worries about getting in trouble, and your parents let you drink (you live in Europe). I don't really get what the problem is with your biking, and as for the grades thing, everybody is different. A D could be good for your brother, while a B- could be below your potential.

 

[Jay-X]

Originally posted by familyguyfan
Uhh, I would say you have it pretty damn good. You have a 2 AM curfew, but can really stay out until 4 (I'd say them waking up at 4 AM to see if you're there is more of an inconvenience to them than you), you can have sex with your girlfriend with no worries about getting in trouble, and your parents let you drink (you live in Europe). I don't really get what the problem is with your biking, and as for the grades thing, everybody is different. A D could be good for your brother, while a B- could be below your potential.

it's strange how you perceive things different after you type them. actually, i'm pretty a lucky guy, i realize. what bothers me is that maybe my potential is higher than my brother's, but we invest the same amount of time in studying, so they shouldn't pick on me.
i think i'm very lucky about the sex part, but it's pretty common here in italy. a friend of mine's parents have bought a new house recently, and allowed him to use a room just for having sex with his girlfriend.
that's the same for drinking. the legal age is 18, but nobody asks for ID as long as you look older than 14...

anyway, what bothers me is not them being strict, it's them making up those strange and contradicting rules

 

[penkitten]

o thats nothing.
i had a curfew and it was dark.
be back at dark.
be home at dark.
be in the house at dark.
if not, grounded you would be.