Overcoming personal limitation

[carbon6595]

I had a date last night and I noticed that whenever she would say no to me, I had a knee-jerk reaction to comply. I know that it's happening, but it's as if my brain just shuts down.

I think it may have something to do with being raised by a single mom, when women tell me to do something I do it; but, the reason doesn't really matter.

How can I overcome this reaction? Is it a matter of experience? What are some strategies I can use in the moment to overcome that feeling so I can keep my frame?

 

[mangotot]

Sounds like you got rejection issues.

 

[carbon6595]

That sounds about right.

 

[Betterz]

What are some strategies I can use in the moment to keep my frame?

1) Tell her what to do.

 

[carbon6595]

I meant to overcome the brain shutdown so that I can tell her what to do.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Realize this while it happens. Then get mad at yourself and say (in your mind) that you are not going to put up with this sh!t anymore. Anger is the best motivator.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Irrational Confidence. You need to change your mindset and become an arrogant person. It's not easy - it requires you to leave your comfort zone over and over until overcoming challenges becomes 2nd nature. Then you realize petty women are not on your level.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Irrational Confidence. You need to change your mindset and become an arrogant person. It's not easy - it requires you to leave your comfort zone over and over until overcoming challenges becomes 2nd nature. Then you realize petty women are not on your level.

No no no no no. That is a terrible idea.

The reason why is because when you are arrogant, people tend to dislike you and you will notice that. When everyone starts to hate you, it will affect your self esteem no matter what.

The reason why arrogant people are arrogant in the first place is because that is the only way for them to feel better about themselves. You must develop irrational confidence, yes. Feeling confident w/o a reason is always good, but then again, you wouldn't be on this site had you already been like that in the first place. The thing is, you want to be confident, maybe even a little overly confident, but you do not want it with arrogance. Arrogance is the worst thing a person can have.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Let me clarify - I actually agree that arrogance is a bad thing, while overconfidence is the ideal. What I will say is that it's probably very difficult to transition from the insecure son of a single mom to the ideal balance of humility and confidence in one shot. Usually it involves a pit stop at arrogance where you get that alpha mindset, and then learn to curb your edginess afterwards. Then you've found balance.

There is no denying that women love arrogance though, is there?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Let me clarify - I actually agree that arrogance is a bad thing, while overconfidence is the ideal. What I will say is that it's probably very difficult to transition from the insecure son of a single mom to the ideal balance of humility and confidence in one shot. Usually it involves a pit stop at arrogance where you get that alpha mindset, and then learn to curb your edginess afterwards. Then you've found balance.

There is no denying that women love arrogance though, is there?

Aaaahh. I see your point. However, I do notice that women only like arrogance if it is associated with intense pride and a slight amount of self righteousness.