"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Overcoming nervousness

Dirtheart

Master Don Juan
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Quite recently I have set myself the task of attempting to overcome my fears. I began by analysing the nature of nervousness and fear, and here's what I've found:

Fear and nervousness are anticipatory.

In other words, fear is what you feel BEFORE the event occurs. It is what you feel when you think AHEAD. Moreover, fear is usually imposed by a PAST experience.

Let's say you are afraid of approaching a girl. As you prepare yourself, you run the possible outcomes through your mind or you relate to past experiences. Here's where the fear kicks in.

And yet, regardless of the outcome, you don't feel nervous AFTER the event has occurred.


The solution:

Refrain from thinking what you WILL do or what WILL happen as a result. Lock your focus in the PRESENT. Think about what you are doing as you are doing it. As soon as you learn to do this, you are able to block out anticipatory fears and past experiences during this moment.

Have you ever been so immersed in a book, a film or a game that you completely block out your daily pressures and anxieties? Learn to immerse yourself in your actions this way - become aware of your posture, breathing, movements, sound of your voice, the words you speak - and you won't have enough attention left to think about fear or nervousness.

If stuntment and daredevils sat around thinking about what could go wrong, they too would be deterred by their fear. Yet they don't suppress fear, they ignore it. They adhere to the old "Live for the moment" philosophy. So stop planning ahead and act spontaneously!
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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tactic

Master Don Juan
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old and not really a good way of helping a really anxiety person, but nice anyway.

to help them overcome fear, they must learn to accept fear and then learn to accept the fact that any men, including the alphas can get scared as well...but as time goes they will always over-come it.
 

Bigsnake

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I've read a lot of things online about overcoming fear and how making a cold approach is actually something that can be done, etc. None of it worked... The biggest thing that helped me overcome my fear is when a good friend of mine said he use to do it all the time and that's how he found his girlfriend. It's helped to hear a real person talk about it other than just reading some posts online from some person out there on the internet.
 
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