Our Wounds

[George Gordon]

I've just finished re-reading a book called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. This book is the best book I've read on manhood and masculinity. It reverberates a lot of similar backbone ideas as this site, but it focuses more on MAN (whereas this site's focus seems to be, for the most part, WOMAN).

He discusses our nature and wildness. And he delves into the relationships between men, and how important they are:

masculinity bestows masculinity. he states.

I think some people (myself included) fell into the trap that women bestow masculinity. Our society seems to think so. Even though my success with women as improved tenfold, I've found that relating to other men has been a bigger challenge. At first I thought it was because I was always looking at guys through the 'AFC Filter', but lately, through this book, I've come to realize something else.

Eldredge talks about being initiated into manhood. Something that probably doesn't happen to often anymore.

He says that most of our fathers leave us with a wound from which we give rise to our 'false selfs' to conceal that wound.

Realizing this wound is essential to becoming a man...

Great book. Check it out. It is a "Christian" perspective, but regardless of your religious beliefs, you will get something out of this book.

Any insight into your father inflicted wounds--my own father deserted me.

!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[George Gordon]

Furthermore, for any of you who have read this book, or for those who plan to do so, be sure to PM me. I'd be interested to hear other guys opinions on the book and its ideas.


What appears to be the fundamental ideology is this:

A man wants to know that HE HAS WHAT IT TAKES. He wants confidence, assurance that HE CAN COME THROUGH, and that HE IS A MAN.

Eldredge states that every man wants three things--they are woven so deeply into his masculine psyche:

1) A BATTLE to fight
2) An ADVENTURE to live
3) A BEAUTY to rescue


What appears to be the only course to true manhood is this:

1) Every guy has a wound that has been targeted at his great strength. It is usually given to him by his father.

2) From that wound, the guy tries to compensate for his deficiencies by creating a 'False Self' to mask that blow. Eldredge also refers to it as the 'Fig Leave'.

This 'Fig Leaf' arises from the wound, yet coupled with the lie that femininity bestows masculinity; A guy can pursue women for years, only to realise later that it has not made him more of a man. Deep down, he knows this.

3) The ONLY way to become a man is through some initiation process. A process of being affirmed by another man. Part of this initiation process is to confront your wound: accept that it did matter, it did hurt, and that it was NOT YOUR fault.


This process opens a man's heart to the BATTLE, the ADVENTURE, and the BEAUTY.

!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[Knicknack]

thanks for the book tip.. i'll order it soon.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by George Gordon

Any insight into your father inflicted wounds--my own father deserted me.

!GEORGE GORDON!

From your description I am very interested in reading this book.

I agree that fathers will often times leave wounds, either because they had unobtainably high expectations or were unintentionally causing their sons to remain beta males with their attitude towards them or maybe they just didn't care.

For me, my father had such high unachieveable expectations of me that I shut down and didn't advance as a man because there wasn't anything I could do that would ever make my father content with my achievements. When my mother and father divorced I had no true male guidance and did whatever I wanted.
Then I allowed my mother to discourage me from seeing girls and that screwed up my whole childhood.

Now I have to deal with constant fears and insecurities because of all this crap I endured when I was younger besides the fact that I am potentionally stronger than I allow myself to think.

Nothing more left to do but deal with it as an adult.

 

[George Gordon]

What do all men really want? Do they want all the beautiful women? Do they want the fast cars? Do they want the money? The status?

Maybe.

But what they really want is VALIDATION that they are truly men! I think we have to question why we want the things that we think we want. Are we moving in the right direction, or are we moving backwards? Are we basing our manhood on the outside, or the inside:

Do we want the chicks, the cars, the status and money, because we want to feel like men?

I think that when we let go of all these ideas--and only then, can we truly open our hearts to who we are. Everything but a man's own heart, he has a general indifference to.

!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[Caveman]

Interesting.. Just the other day I was watching Fightclub again (it's a classic and for anyone who hasn't seen it yet.. go see it - duh)

At one point Durden says something like:
"I see a whole generation pumping gass, waiting tables. Advertising tells us to buy cars and clothes. We get the most boring jobs to buy stuff we don't need"

Well anyway, might have been some different words but it comes down to spending our lives to purchase things to build status that in the end is inferiour to how we come across as men.

Another post I read here (can't remember who wrote it - sorry) mentions how this HB screws any guy she meets and tells her rich b/f she has a headache. Girls love the idea of having a rich, powerful guy but in the end it is the MAN that has to keep her interested. Not his money or his wealth.

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by George Gordon

I think some people (myself included) fell into the trap that women bestow masculinity. Our society seems to think so.

Ever see that painting of the knight on his knees before a lady and she is tapping one of his shoulders with a sword? I think our society still thinks only women can "bless" a man with manhood because of the bull**** romanticized version of chivalry.

Like in the Victorian era it was acceptable for men to cheat on their wives. This wasn't because men somehow talked women into this: it was because everyone thought men were naturally morally inferior to women and couldn't help themselves.