others try to prove themselves to you?

[Big Eee Zee]

Yo, whats up sosuave? I noticed something strange lately. My g/f is leaving me to go to college so as a parting gift i figured I'd do everything in my power to become an outstanding person. You know, make her jealous and feel bad about leaving me. I know its low, but I don't give a shyt, it was fun.

Strange thing tho, I think it worked. I am honestly way to confident. Like I am positive that she will find someone else, but I am also positive that he won't even be nearly as awesome as I am. I always have something to say, I have done some sweet things, I tend to know something about everything I do with others etc. A real alpha style guy. I'm not alpha (I don't think anyways) but I'm ususally in control of any situation. Recently I hve noticed other guys trying to impress me or gain my approval. I'm a genuinely nice guy and wouldn't knock these guys or call em out on it and make em look bad but it's kinda strange. Like one dude a while ago kept making jokes and looking at me as if to see if I approved of them. And last night some dude would look at me every time he said something to see if I agreed. It was as if these guys were trying to prove themselves to me. These guys weren'y losers either. They were both cool guys and (I wouldn't tell them this but) I thought they were near equal to me. Was I wrong?

Why?

As little as a year ago I was the guy that popular people avoided. Did I change that much? Am I seen as an Alpha now?

Anyone else have similar experiences?

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Your first paragraph answers your question IMHO. You were trying to "validate" yourself to the girl friend. So, no, you are not wrong about those guys who were validating themselves to you. Alpha?? Validating yourself to others?? You tell me. Then again that's where tho old saying "live and learn" comes from.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Big Eee Zee
I hve noticed other guys trying to impress me or gain my approval. I'm a genuinely nice guy and wouldn't knock these guys or call em out on it and make em look bad but it's kinda strange. Like one dude a while ago kept making jokes and looking at me as if to see if I approved of them. And last night some dude would look at me every time he said something to see if I agreed. It was as if these guys were trying to prove themselves to me. These guys weren'y losers either.

I have noticed the same thing happening to me during the past year and was considering asking about it too. It's like I have all these guys trying to be my best friend, asking my friends about me, compliment me and trying to seek my approval, almost as if they've got a crush on me. My friends always make fun and say I bring out the gay inclinations in men, but I do wonder sometimes.

It is flattering to have guys look upto me in this way and I never have to worry about being the beta male anywhere, but it also creeps me out a lot and sometimes I just want to tell these guys to leave me alone and give me space.

I wish I could answer your query Big Eee Zee, but I'm confused by it too. I mean, does any guy on this board ever do this kind of thing to other males?

 

[Alphathree]

I notice that people
-- respect what I say (that's not to say that they don't challenge me, but they take me seriously)

In return, I tend to be very objective. I don't get emotionally attached. People bring problems to me and I work them out fairly.

-- look to me to for leadership. This means to initiate conversations, to direct action, and so on. If you've been a follower your whole life, this might be weird.

You'll find that people acknowledge you as being higher social status than them, and so when you get together with them, nothing happens. This is because they're waiting for you to lead. Lead them.

It's like when you get to the top, there's a giant vacuum, and you have to build your world because you're not living in anyone else's anymore.

Everyone will look at you and think, "that guy does what he wants," and they won't even try to force their reality on you in most cases.

I've noticed that in situations where I really crank up my social status, NO ONE approaches me. So then I start thinking that everyone has some beef with me.

But no. When I do the approaching, I get smiles and undivided attention. I become the center of attention.

I keep explaining the same thing over and over again... I'm basically saying that if you get put in the pilot seat of the plane and don't fly it, it's going to feel a lot like being a passenger in a broken down plane until you figure it out.

 

[Big Eee Zee]

good point. It was weird. People will do what they want but I always tend to be relegated to picking. They will confirm every decision with me, and sometimes I feel that they are trying to show me they are cool, just cause. I'm not sure why but w/e.

Also noticed that I'm not getting approached by ANY chicks. And all my floormates are. then again, I am more built then all of them, and funnier (I think)

Its weird, I guess I am an alpha, but I never was before so I don't have the mindset. I deal with these situations like a normal guy. Hmm, I think I needs to change a few things.

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by Big Eee Zee
good point. It was weird. People will do what they want but I always tend to be relegated to picking. They will confirm every decision with me, and sometimes I feel that they are trying to show me they are cool, just cause. I'm not sure why but w/e.

Also noticed that I'm not getting approached by ANY chicks. And all my floormates are. then again, I am more built then all of them, and funnier (I think)

Its weird, I guess I am an alpha, but I never was before so I don't have the mindset. I deal with these situations like a normal guy. Hmm, I think I needs to change a few things.

This is why I don't do "cold" approaches. Chicks will eye me and give me this "please stick it in me" look, and then I can approach super-confidently. It's anything but "cold".

I've already won them before I speak a single word and it has nothing to do with my muscles, which are lacking.