Opinions on the interest scale, where do you think I'm at?

[Designer Man]

So as most you may know from my previous thread, myself and my partner hit the skids so to speak due to my insecurities and constant accusations, questioning her feelings etc and it resulted in us living separately with no hope of living together because she doesn't think it will ever change.

It's been around 7 weeks since I moved out and my insecure behaviour got worse, the accusations were still there and my questioning of her feelings tenfolded. We've had some arguments to the point where the relationship has been virtually destroyed and her telling me she needs space as she no longer knows what she wants.

On Saturday she didn't want to see me, she needed to be away from me. Sunday, I went to her house and we discussed things, we agreed I will calm down and see how things go. We ended up having sex that afternoon as well.

I've been playing it cool since yesterday, being nice and not being insecure. I am working on my issues and I feel this Is probably my last chance.
We text today just general chit chat and I never became overbearing or appeared to be in her face. I treated her like I had just met her and was texting casually. I didn't text for about an hour which resulted in "come round for an hour or so if you want"

I replied "I'm just gonna have something to eat so will see you in about an hour".

Now, we have both agreed we will see how things go and I am hopeful things can get back on track. It will take time, it could take 12 months before I get her to fall back in love with me (she told me last week she isn't in love with me and her interest has dwindled) and I am going to follow everything I have learnt from this forum going forward.

I have been a fan of Corey Wayne and I am reading his book. How to be a 3% man. I have also picked up on Men are from Mars....and came across Doc Love. I seen a thread posted here in 2002 by a guy called Player69 who detailed the interest level scale. I am wondering where her interest sits.

A few days ago I was of the belief her interest would be well below 50% and unsalvageable. But she see seems to still want to see me and be sexual with me so there must be some hope of revival and her interest maybe around 50-60%.

I am aware of how to rebuild attraction and know I have to focus on my own life, becoming a stronger character and not letting what she does phase me. I have gained knowledge over these last few weeks but have occasionally relapsed with insecurities. I am aware of the mistakes I make and will stop doing it.

She told me she was once mad about me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I must have had her between 80-99% at this point but over time knocked her interest down and down.

From the info I've mentioned and based on the interest scale, is there a possibility I can get her back into the 90's? I am focused on practicing what I have read and learnt from here and Corey. I have belief it will work and have more of an idea on how to be moving forward. Is it possible?

 

[Knight of Roses]

Interest level scales are all gimmicks, I don't buy much into them. Yes it's possible. Remember one thing, she was dating you, which means she will always have an underlying level of attraction for you. It's your other negative actions: Insecurity, neediness, awkwardness, etc.. that make her interest drop. Forget about her for several weeks-months. In the meantime, go to the gym and start gaming other girls. She will hit you up at some point. If she does not, then try to hit her up after a month or so.

 

[BeExcellent]

Interest level scales are all gimmicks, I don't buy much into them. Yes it's possible. Remember one thing, she was dating you, which means she will always have an underlying level of attraction for you. It's your other negative actions: Insecurity, neediness, awkwardness, etc.. that make her interest drop. Forget about her for several weeks-months. In the meantime, go to the gym and start gaming other girls. She will hit you up at some point. If she does not, then try to hit her up after a month or so.

This ^^^ is solid advice. Here is some additional advice from the old lady:

Nothing turns people off faster than neurotic behavior. It turns off women and men both. You have developed habits along the way that scream "I AM DESPERATE...PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!" a la a stage 5 clinger, and stage 5 clingers are never attractive.

So honestly you need to quit worrying about her interest level. If you are a man worth having her interest level will sort itself right out, but right now you are too needy, insecure, jealous and whatever else to be a man worth having.

So you must focus on yourself here. See how all of your OP revolves around what she thinks about you? You are seeking value through her eyes. That is the motivation behind your modifications in your behavior of late. This woman's opinion is the measuring stick by which you are measuring your worth. Think about that for a minute or two:

This woman's opinion is the measuring stick by which you are measuring your worth.

Stop doing that. Remove yourself from the relationship if necessary but you must hit the reset button and learn to define you worth intrinsically rather than from a source outside yourself. To do this while you are in the relationship is extremely tough.

While you are correct to choose to behave in ways that are not needy, not insecure, etc., you must look at what is motivating you. I think her negative response to needy insecure behavior is what motivates you and you think that changing how you act will cause her to regain attraction. Not necessarily. She has to see YOU value yourself, rather than change strategies to lure her back in. Your behavior at the moment is contrived and that does not serve you in the long term. You'll simply slip back into the behavioral patterns that got you here unless you resolve the mindset.

Why do you think you value this woman more than yourself? She is a woman, she is replaceable in your life.

I think you should take a break from the relationship altogether and get your own house in order. Otherwise you'll never resolve the needy mindset.

Yes she found you attractive at some point. Look at what was attractive to her (and to others), and don't rely on her view to be the definition of your worth. Fix your underlying issue and her interest level will resolve...and if it doesn't? Fine. You are a better version of yourself for someone else to know and enjoy.

 

[Red Legg]

OP... you never move in with a chick especially if your a needy beta like yourself..she is fvckin other men...spin them thar plates.

 

[RangerMIke]

Interest level scales are all gimmicks, I don't buy much into them. Yes it's possible. Remember one thing, she was dating you, which means she will always have an underlying level of attraction for you. It's your other negative actions: Insecurity, neediness, awkwardness, etc.. that make her interest drop. Forget about her for several weeks-months. In the meantime, go to the gym and start gaming other girls. She will hit you up at some point. If she does not, then try to hit her up after a month or so.

Yea interest level numbers are meaningless... and the truth is Cory Wayne really doesn't know what is his talking about when it comes to this. It's better to just go off of what she is doing rather than assigning a number value to it. In your case she is still making time to see you so you are not finished... but it isn't because she is attracted to you, only that right now she doesn't think she has other (better) options. As soon a some other dude, who she sees as a better, comes along you will be done and done.

Just keep acting like a man until such time that she no longer will go out with you... stops responding to you, and will not make time for you... that is when you know you are finished... until that happens, do not worry about what mythical level she is on, because trust me... how she acts and responds will change day to day.

You just need to stop worrying about HER and start thinking of yourself. Ask yourself, are you really fvcking happy in his mess of a BS relationship you are in now? You have a scarcity mentality and it's causing you to act like a frightened manipulative child. Go date other chicks and leave this one alone for awhile. Once you realize there is more to the world than this one chick... your behavior will be a lot more tolerable.

 

[ohrein]

@BeExcellent dropped a major truth bomb about your inner game. Very important to fix that or you will continue to have issues. Love your life first, include a woman second. A woman should be an addition to a great life, not the center of it. If you don't truly understand, believe, and live that, you will always have beta behaviors.

As for what to do, I'm with @deesade. Go back to seeing her once a week on dates. Make them short, intense bursts of fun finishing with great sex, then leave her wanting more. Disconnect, focus on yourself. Stop texting and calling her, leave days in between contact. I'd recommend upgrading your wardrobe right now. Wear something stylish that's not too far out of what you would wear, get a hair cut. Don't do anything drastic but get it on point and new. Start hitting the gym, get some hobbies. When she asks you about your week, tell her a little but leave a little mystery. Don't contact her except to set up dates.

The most important thing is giving her short bursts of fun followed by plenty of time to miss you. Women enjoy you when you're not there. If you do this, you may be able to save the relationship. But it will depend on whether she has found someone else yet. The good news is, either way you'll be getting a head start on self-improvement that will make you more attractive to whoever you end up dating.

And as always, read the bible, read the rational male, etc etc

 

[Designer Man]

So the latest on this now is she is stressed out with financial problems and has become more distant with me. I have arranged to see her this Friday (2 days time) and will not text or call her first before this point.

If she texts me I will respond but keep it light. Then see her on Friday, be nice to her and hopefully end the night with sex.

Rinse and repeat.