Opinion..

[drf408]

I had posted this in the don juan formum, but should be in this one as I'm 30

I approached a girl ive seen many times around my work area over the past several months. I just decided to do it so i wouldnt regret not doing anymore.. So I end up on a v-day lunch date with her. Everything when extremely well, better than expected. So we are emailing back and forth and make plans for a date the second week, I pick her up and go to a decent Italian place. We seemed to completely click, again really good..i think it was a plus that the the first time she remembers seeing me was the first for me as well, prob 6 months ago. Closes out the night like a good girl, gives me a hug and seems very happy and tells me we will do it again.
The next day I send her a casual email about having a good time blah blah..she responds near the end of the day. So I respond back, telling her if she is up for it we should get together if not I'll give her a call over the weekend to see how her weekend is going. No response at all. I called her and left a message on sunday, simple, "hi hope you are having a good weekend" So she responds late morning today just telling me she got my message and asking if i did anything fun over the weekend. She replied to the email from Friday but didnt touch on anything in it..weird response i thought. She seemed to REALLY be interested when I went on the dates but absolutely not otherwise..
I then ran into at lunch right after i got her reply today..she seemed to avoid me, so i approached her as I left, it was very awkward, she asked me how my weekend was and said "I sent you an email" which I told her I got right before I headed out to lunch. So I replied when I get back, tell her about my weekend, ask her about hers etc...and ...nothing so far. Strange, I have never had a date go so well and then be so weird after....not sure if if i am being to passive or what. Now if she was a hot chick that i had no interest beyond that, it would just happen...

 

[jophil28]

I had posted this in the don juan formum, but should be in this one as I'm 30

I approached a girl ive seen many times around my work area over the past several months. I just decided to do it so i wouldnt regret not doing anymore.. So I end up on a v-day lunch date with her. Everything when extremely well, better than expected. So we are emailing back and forth and make plans for a date the second week, I pick her up and go to a decent Italian place. We seemed to completely click, again really good..i think it was a plus that the the first time she remembers seeing me was the first for me as well, prob 6 months ago. Closes out the night like a good girl, gives me a hug and seems very happy and tells me we will do it again.
The next day I send her a casual email about having a good time blah blah..she responds near the end of the day. So I respond back, telling her if she is up for it we should get together if not I'll give her a call over the weekend to see how her weekend is going. No response at all. I called her and left a message on sunday, simple, "hi hope you are having a good weekend" So she responds late morning today just telling me she got my message and asking if i did anything fun over the weekend. She replied to the email from Friday but didnt touch on anything in it..weird response i thought. She seemed to REALLY be interested when I went on the dates but absolutely not otherwise..
I then ran into at lunch right after i got her reply today..she seemed to avoid me, so i approached her as I left, it was very awkward, she asked me how my weekend was and said "I sent you an email" which I told her I got right before I headed out to lunch. So I replied when I get back, tell her about my weekend, ask her about hers etc...and ...nothing so far. Strange, I have never had a date go so well and then be so weird after....not sure if if i am being to passive or what. Now if she was a hot chick that i had no interest beyond that, it would just happen...

I have only been on this board since late 2006 and I have lost count of how many versions of this sad story I have read here - it never ends does it.

To drf - just accept that some women are not very interested/ predictable/ readable/ stable/ sane/honest, and so on.
The only thing that you can take to the bank is this -"The greatest truth is in their behavior"

 

[lookyoung]

It appears that this woman is probably not interested in you. Its seems that you were being clingy after the date. Your chances of hooking up with this girl are probably very slim. Search the Ganji games on sosuave, This may help.

If I was in your shoes I would not pursue this girl. Its seems like a tough pull. When woman are interested they will be very receptive to your calls and emails.It appears this girl is not. Take this as a learning experience and get back out on the game. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Pursue one who has a high interest level in you.

 

[Last Man Standing]

I don't see where she shunned him! Did you directly ask her out to a secomd encounter?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I had posted this in the don juan formum, but should be in this one as I'm 30

Then please list this on your profile before I move this to the Discussion board.

Read the Mature Forum Rules.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor
Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

Stop being so available. Nothing betrays a lack of options (options=confidence) like the guy who's too available.

Damn near all of your communication was done via email and phone. These are buffers. Your date ideas were boring to the point that I'm not sure she took your interest seriously. They were G-Rated safe-dates and you got the safe-date reward (polite hug or a peck on the cheek). Friends go out to lunch and coffee, potential lovers meet up for drinks at a lounge.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I have learned that if I don't at least get some tongue action by the second date.. NEXT her. I prefer to get some tongue action on the first date, but I'll let it slide to the second. But that's just me.

 

[Desdinova]

The problem is you're not very interesting. Let's look at all the boring things you've done with her:

- So I end up on a v-day lunch date with her.
- I pick her up and go to a decent Italian place.
- I send her a casual email about having a good time blah blah
- I called her and left a message on sunday, simple, "hi hope you are having a good weekend"

Two dates, two dinners. Completely predictable. Where's the fun in eating? Where's the excitement in eating? If you're going to take a woman out to eat, at least start picking things off her plate to sample, or start a food fight. A dinner date generally is NOT memorable, nor is it fun or exciting. You'd be better off taking a woman out on action dates. Bowling, rollerskating, playing pool, mini golf, etc etc. Dates where you actually do things together are MUCH more memorable, interesting, and exciting.

Your emails sound exactly as you described them, "blah blah". Completely forgettable. Find something to tease her about (something she did, something you presume she wants) and rag on her for it. Bring the schoolyard charm into a date and you'll have a woman who will be crazy about you!

On your last message, I would have changed the wording. "Hi, I'm having a good weekend. You're really missing out!!!" Get her thinking about you instead of thinking about her.

This one sounds like a write-off. Change what you're doing for the next woman you date and you'll notice an improvement.

 

[Luveno]

drf408,

you really have to change your perspective in the dating world.

You are doing the exact opposite of what is successful.

Sure, Oprah, and your mom, and your girlfriends tell you that women want a caring, charming, guy who is loving and easy to communicate with. They will tell you they want to go on a lunch date or coffee for the initial meeting, and talk.

This is BS.

Women are sexual creatures, just as men are. Western societal ideals socially pressure women into expressing a facade of sexual purity. Those that do not exhibit this facade are labelled whors by other women. Thus, to avoid being labelled a whor, women will tell you they want all of these innocent things.

They don't.

The reason for going on a date with a girl is simple; its to escalate to a sexual level. It is not just for companionship; heck, you have friends!

So, if this is the number one reason for dating, why do you take her on dates where it is impossible to sexually escalate?


The truth is, you ask a girl out for drinks, at night. Alcohol. No, not to get her drunk(who'd want to date a drunken floozy anyway?). It's because socially you're making your intent known, and so is she. In our society, the alcohol means "I intend to escalate our interaction to sex. Maybe not tonight, maybe not next time, but sooner rather than later. I am not interested in friendship". Sex may come that night, sex may come later, and it may not come at all. But you are making your stance known.

Women want a man who will make his stance known. Women are afraid to make this stance because of societal pressures. So take the lead. Women want to be lead. They want a father figure. Be that man.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Two dates, two dinners. Completely predictable. Where's the fun in eating? Where's the excitement in eating?

Exactly. Also, I think he needs to elaborate on some of the details of these "dates." I have a hunch they entailed him explaining his entire life's story over the course of the 2 or so hours these dates took. Her response is typical of a woman who's learned all she needs to know about a guy from him 'selling the farm' in 1-2 dates.

 

[##17]

I agree with RT. I'm thinking too much contact here. Give her a chance to think about you, to miss you.

 

[Colossus]

Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor
Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

Stop being so available. Nothing betrays a lack of options (options=confidence) like the guy who's too available.

Damn near all of your communication was done via email and phone. These are buffers. Your date ideas were boring to the point that I'm not sure she took your interest seriously. They were G-Rated safe-dates and you got the safe-date reward (polite hug or a peck on the cheek). Friends go out to lunch and coffee, potential lovers meet up for drinks at a lounge.

Yeah...you and Des beat me to it.

If I were to go out with a woman i had not really talked to in person before, say i met her online or maybe very briefly in passing, then i wouldnt have a problem with coffee. It's cheap, easy in and easy out. You can bounce in an hour (or less if it's a dud), and get a feel if there is any potential.

But back to the OP---you made yourself too available. Most likey she sensed a bit of desperation on your part, but who knows.

And I concur with the second date rule, generally. My policy is that if she is not receptive or reciprocal to heavy kissing by date two, maybe date three depending on the prior locations and circumstances, then Im out. At that point it's like 'what are we doing here...i dont need a pal'.

 

[Latinoman]

I had posted this in the don juan formum, but should be in this one as I'm 30

I approached a girl ive seen many times around my work area over the past several months. I just decided to do it so i wouldnt regret not doing anymore.. So I end up on a v-day lunch date with her. Everything when extremely well, better than expected. So we are emailing back and forth and make plans for a date the second week, I pick her up and go to a decent Italian place. We seemed to completely click, again really good..i think it was a plus that the the first time she remembers seeing me was the first for me as well, prob 6 months ago. Closes out the night like a good girl, gives me a hug and seems very happy and tells me we will do it again.
The next day I send her a casual email about having a good time blah blah..she responds near the end of the day. So I respond back, telling her if she is up for it we should get together if not I'll give her a call over the weekend to see how her weekend is going. No response at all. I called her and left a message on sunday, simple, "hi hope you are having a good weekend" So she responds late morning today just telling me she got my message and asking if i did anything fun over the weekend. She replied to the email from Friday but didnt touch on anything in it..weird response i thought. She seemed to REALLY be interested when I went on the dates but absolutely not otherwise..
I then ran into at lunch right after i got her reply today..she seemed to avoid me, so i approached her as I left, it was very awkward, she asked me how my weekend was and said "I sent you an email" which I told her I got right before I headed out to lunch. So I replied when I get back, tell her about my weekend, ask her about hers etc...and ...nothing so far. Strange, I have never had a date go so well and then be so weird after....not sure if if i am being to passive or what. Now if she was a hot chick that i had no interest beyond that, it would just happen...

Are you sure this was a "date"? This sounds more like when I go to lunch or even dinner with my female co-workers (that happen to be my friends too).

You need to provide more details.

Did you two kiss?

Did you two flirted?

Did the conversation turned out sexual?


Other than that...it appears you two are more like friends than anything else.

 

[Latinoman]

I don't take my dates to Italian Restaurants...unless I have phucked them already.

The email stuff works WONDERS if you are witty, sexual, and funny. VERY VERY VERY few men can pull that one. And for some weird reason, I have been lucky in that area. But I discourage others from using email as it can kill your chances if you are not incredible good with it. (IM and Chat Rooms are a no-no).

 

[reset]

My eyes glazed over after the first sentence or so (no offense to OP).

Emailing back and forth, checking in with the girl to re-assure yourself she likes you, trying to be "friends first" (women say they want this but it's BS), not being casual, not making a move.

You basically went to lunch once then started treating her like your girlfriend. That was a "how to get friend zoned" post.

Not like I was any better though.

 

[reset]

The email stuff works WONDERS if you are witty, sexual, and funny. VERY VERY VERY few men can pull that one.

Right, it can be used to just bust the girl's balls. I'm good at that. But I also used it to tell my life story and her hers and that's friend zone stuff. So for myself I've decided no emailing. Except maybe just a few quick one-liners, for fun.

 

[Latinoman]

Right, it can be used to just bust the girl's balls. I'm good at that. But I also used it to tell my life story and her hers and that's friend zone stuff. So for myself I've decided no emailing. Except maybe just a few quick one-liners, for fun.

It can also get the man in trouble if she happens to work in the same place as it becomes legal evidence. I know of female co-workers than save their emails (on issues such as this).

 

[reset]

Men should do the same thing too. Yeah I did all that stuff with a co-worker, it was bad. Except she was also sending me messages "why are you avoiding me? Why won't you talk to me?" so I could have used that too.

Work girls are fun but it's too complicated. Just flirt, or someone has to leave to make it work.

 

[drf408]

Ok..honestly I didn't expect the replies to be so dead on. To have someone else state what I was thinking but afraid to acknowledge..I was safe..boring. It's a bad habit of mine that when I run into a girl that I take actual interest in beyond her being "hot" I then stop being myself and start playing it safe. I guess its the idea that I actually have something to lose. It is extremely frustrating as I do very well with beautiful girls that I see as just that. I hooked up with a far hotter girl over the weekend and it was because I didnt care, just walked up to her in the club, was myself. I just seem to always do this if i have interest. So I guess the general opinion is that there is no salvaging this. Oh and I dont think I was clingy, just the opposite. I didnt even get her # until I had to pick her up for the second date..mistake, I didnt even suggest doing anything with her when things came up in conversation...and as someone pointed out I was not very direct now that I think about it.

 

[reset]

She's at work, you don't have to "date" her. Just hang out. You're going to see her at work. If she knows she can see you whenever she wants, that doesn't do much for her anticipation. So the best thing is to make her (or the next chick you work with) come see you at all times. All times, no exceptions. You didn't mention a second date previously?

You looked for reassurance by sending her an email the next day and generally checking in with her--that doesn't make you "clingy" but it makes you seem like a nice guy who is acting like this is going to be your potential girlfriend. Oh well.

Ignore her and watch the magic happen.