"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Opinion on where I stand

Jaice

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Hey all first time posting here. I learned alot of stuff that i never even considered before and would just like to thank all the people who put up their experience and advice.

Anyway I'd like to describe my situation about a girl that Im interested in. I thought I was pretty good at reading some mixed signals even besides the ones already posted.

Basically Im into this girl in my French class(we're in college). We've hung out a few times and I thought we had a pretty decent time. She hasnt had a boyfriend since she was in like the 3rd grade. Anyway we usually eat breakfast together about once a week, sometimes twice, although im usually the one who suggests it(i dont ask her i just say ill be in the cafeteria on whenever if you want to meet me there) but she always shows up. Also she never really calls(i dont call her unless we have plans since i dont want to overcall her and we talk in French like everyday anyway). The other week on a Friday she asked me to go out with her for pizza and we spent another 3 or 4 hours together after that just walking around talking. Now im really into her but i decided at this point it was time to back off since we were on a good note. So I decided to not go to French for a couple of days(not just for her, the class is retarded and I'm Acing it anyway) and saw her again on Wed. When i went to class she was concerned about where I had been but i just said i was busy and asked how her weekend was. We usually walk to her next class together but I said that i was to busy for that day but i'd be eating in the cafeteria on fri if she wanted too as well and she agreed. So on friday we were eating breakfast and we usually talk for at least an hour when we eat but friday was over 2 hours. I think i come off as pretty confident without being ****y. Sit up straight, make eye contact, smile, let her do most of the talking. When I say she gives out signals i mean she compliments me about how funny i am, tells me i'm cool, laughs(alot at what i have to say). She has some future plans for us also(im supposed to go to her house in a few weeks), and has even hinted at willing to do things together like going to Korea(she's Korean) if i want to go or Africa(I'm black and she knows a ****load more about Africa than I do lol). Anyway I suggested that we go someplace the next day since it was nice out and she seemed to be cool with it and said she'd call me the next day. Anyway she never bothered to call which kind of pissed me off because I cancelled some other plans to hang out with her or the next(which is today actually). As for her personality she's really quiet till you get to know her, dresses kind of conservatively, and doesn't go out much and when she does she doesn't stay out late at all. Just wondering what some of you think about it? I've been thinking about telling her that i'd like to be a couple but am not sure about how to do it. Don't get me wrong I dont have a problem actually doing it i just dont want to say it in a way that sounds childish or silly. man my hands hurt like hell now haha. Sorry if its a bit of a read;)
 
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"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Grey Fox

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Well go out on a real date with her, be it the movies, dinner, a local band at a dive, whatever you want to do. Let her actions do all the talking for her, and keep that in mind. What other people do is a whole other language than what the say to you when they speak. Just go out with her and have a good time, and you both should mutually want to be a couple, and if things flow well between you then it won't be a problem.

-Grey Fox
 

Jaice

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good suggestion. im just wondering from the mixed signals im getting does it seem like she's even interested?
 

Grey Fox

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Hey you're the one who sees the signals, I just hear about them from you. That's something you have to decide and what you want to do about it.

-Grey Fox
 

DJHoolahoop

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well if there's one thing i've learned on this site it's that you've got oneitis syndrome if you're worrying about the other girls interest in you. (sarcasm)

so as others would say, don't think or care about it. right?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Jaice

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ahh. im not really worried about how she feels as much as im trying to interpret signs that will be recognizable for future practice. I have 2 other girls im talking too as well but I prefer this one.
 
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