Openers...

[happyguy]

Ok, I think it is time for me to step up my game and start approaching women. Like I had mentioned when I first joined the site, I am a little bit of a natural in the social interaction department, with a smattering of learned skills. So far I have always worked by picking up women I was in social contact with... fellow students, friends of friends, concerts (I play music, I have met a bunch of women from my shows) etc. or I meet women online. My success rate from first chat to first date has been really good recently, and I feel I understand the dating dynamics quite well.

Of late I have been noticing gorgeous women all around me, and have been feeling the urge and confidence to bring them into my life. Only, I have never done the cold approaching before. I sort of feel like the AFC everyone talks about cus I saw this lovely woman and I was fidgeting in my shoes not knowing what to do.

I have read the usual mechanism of memorizing canned openers, is there something more spontaneous than that? I don't expect to be doing much club sarging, only real life, coffee shop, park, library approaches. I thought of a nice opener to use on a mother daugher pair next to me when I was having lunch (my roomate constantly calls her mom asking her advice about everything.. lots of girls do it, I was going to playfully ask the moms opinion on it), but the minute I rose, I had this painful knot in my stomach and I started sweating buckets. Anyone relate? How do I go about this? It is a crash and burn learning mechanism? The thing is, if I knew something about the person, even briefly met once before, I'd be able to talk to them. Complete strangers scare the bejesus out of me. I want to conquer this approach aspect.

Help?

 

[IWillReturnsoon]

I have read the usual mechanism of memorizing canned openers, is there something more spontaneous than that?

Yes...by not using canned...but actually opening the girl with what u want to say to her.

I don't expect to be doing much club sarging, only real life, coffee shop, park, library approaches.

Yea, there's no need to actually 'sarge' if girls are everywhere around you. But if u see a gorgeous woman there, don't miss that opportunity.

I thought of a nice opener to use on a mother daugher pair next to me when I was having lunch (my roomate constantly calls her mom asking her advice about everything.. lots of girls do it, I was going to playfully ask the moms opinion on it), but the minute I rose, I had this painful knot in my stomach and I started sweating buckets. Anyone relate?

Absolutely! even the best were absoultely terrified to approach in teh beginning. But are these canned openers what u DEEP down want to open with or do u feel like u have to? In my opinion, you don't need them at all. If i were u, i would tell the girl how attracted u are to her, rather than trying to get an opinion out of them, which to be honest...they wouldn't care as much for. Your a seducer, seduce them. Be the man that will sweep them off their feet, and have them thinking about you.

How do I go about this? It is a crash and burn learning mechanism? The thing is, if I knew something about the person, even briefly met once before, I'd be able to talk to them. Complete strangers scare the bejesus out of me. I want to conquer this approach aspect.

Help?

The funny thing is that you can already relate to a stranger. Since u are human, u've had to atleast gone through similar things that they have...childhood...their best day of their life...dancing for the first time...et cetera. So in a sense, u can somewhat already relate to them.

But yea, my advice is to go up to her, direct style in a self assured, charming manner...eventho canned would probably only help to get rid of ur Anxiety of approaching.

 

[speakeasy]

I feel a lot like you. I'm not one that generally walks up to people I don't know and starts a conversation, male or female. So obviously that makes things a little difficult to sarge.

One thing I've been doing just as a confidence building excercise is when I'm walking past someone, look them dead in the eye until they look away, nod, or say hello first. Male, female, child, adult, old lady. Just give them strong eye contact until they look away. It'll help you gain confidence.

 

[IWillReturnsoon]

Got to get out of you're comfort zone. Trust me, its very hard at the start but it'll be second nature the more you do it. The worst that could happen off an approach....

1) Being ignored
2) "Not interested"

Thats it. Its just ur ego talking if u take rejection the wrong way. It teaches u a lesson of either that the girl was just not interested or that she was, u just had to be more self assured by it.

 

[Omen]

I feel a lot like you. I'm not one that generally walks up to people I don't know and starts a conversation, male or female. So obviously that makes things a little difficult to sarge.

One thing I've been doing just as a confidence building excercise is when I'm walking past someone, look them dead in the eye until they look away, nod, or say hello first. Male, female, child, adult, old lady. Just give them strong eye contact until they look away. It'll help you gain confidence.

I had been the same way, and still am a bit, but i'll tell you what my strategy is...

Its going to be easier if your older, but I always do my thing with younger girls I work with. More than likely I wont be dating a 16-18yr old, but older ones, but its fun to just build confidence that way.

I'll also learn a few things that work or dont work. I had been such a nice guy forever, but I tried to just switch things around, but would test it on women I wasn't dating. I tell them to do something for me, or just have an attitude. Not a harsh one, but show them whose boss. Confidence and assertiveness basically. If they want it, they'll come and get it.

I'll then tweak accordingly until I feel that comfort zone that works well.

If I work with one, i'll approach and try things out just to see how they react. I then apply it elsewhere, but for me it helps a lot because I can find lots of things that make me confident over someone that age. Sometimes its harder when you get older for fear of what an older woman will think as in career, money, cars, what ever the case may be.

What ever the case may be, find something that works for you. I find myself becoming better and better everyday.

I realized after a third woman years ago I was WAY too nice, and always thought.. how am I supposed to change what I do. I did, its getting better, but I dont melt at their feet. Yeah i'll open a door to a restaurant but at the same time too I may say... Can you go get me something? No longer do I do it all.

Its like working out. If you do an exercise and it sucks and really isn't working for you, find something that does. You'll get really good at it soon.

I've learned from MANY mistakes, and it happens. find your sweet spot (or opener and go from there).

Try to even use your surroundings.

Hey... (at work) I noticed your looking at that Palm pilot or Cell phone? (talk a bit)... You know, since its brand new, how about the first number you enter is mine?

Not that it has to be that, but they might think that is funny.

There was something like that in the book of Pook where he was at the store. If she is looking at fruit, bread, what ever, if you feel you can do it, strike something up.

If it doesn't work, oh well, something else will and there are a million women out there.