Openers / ****y Funny

[que_est_suave]

Hi, this is my first post even tho im on this board aaaaall the time!! anywayz, I was wondering- what are some of the best opening lines you've ever used? something that is just so funny or so classic you were like 'yeaaaaah i'm using that!!!!"...

its just that, i dont find many ****y/funny examples around so i mostly come up with my own / use a few others... sorry if they're lame, i'm kinda new to this stuff. anyway, i'm gonna post my list below, if you've got a good line / routine please post!

here goes - (this is stuff either i've used or seen others use and they seem to work!?) :

"I like the outfit…"
“I think it’s cute when I woman tries to make her own clothes…”
or
“I think more women should try to make their own clothes too…”

"Nice shoes... I didn't know Tesco were doing value high heels..."

To an OBVIOUSLY FAKE BLONDE: “There are so many fake blondes in here that it’s nice to finally meet a real one…”

To a chick with a weave: “Well usually I only talk to women with at least 90% of their real hair…”

To a chick in a miniskirt / megabelt : “Nice skirt… what happened to the rest of it?” followed by “When they say 50% off… you gotta make sure they mean the price…”

“Like the necklace… it’s amazing the stuff you can pull out of a Christmas cracker these days…”

And in those situations where you know 'its on...' and she keeps touching you or slapping you or acting fake upset, I use:

“You know all this unwanted touching counts as sexual harassment… I’m afraid I’m gonna have to go speak to my lawer about this!” – Then walk away chat with ur m8s a bit, come back with…
“basically my lawyer said I can sue you for all you’re worth, but I figured a dollar isn’t really worth my time, and since i can see how much you like me, I’ll let you off the hook…”

"I can see you're upset... what I can do is, take down your number... and get someone from my complaints section to call you back."

 

[evolvingnerd]

hahaha
i smiled at almst all of em
keep up the good work

 

[SirJLove]

lol good ****

 

[gmonster2]

I like the necklace one(out of a xmas cracker) can be used on any chick as they all wear jewelry of some sort you can use it for a ring a bracelet etc also.

good work...

 

[Superman X]

To an OBVIOUSLY FAKE BLONDE: “There are so many fake blondes in here that it’s nice to finally meet a real one…”

Hahahahaha this is $$$. Honestly the rest were funny, but were obviously just teasing insults, which are fine. But this is a friggin brilliant neg.

Good stuff.

-Dan

 

[blitzin']

No..no...that's all wrong. Here's a good one. If I told you you had a nice body would you hold it against me. j/k
Actually those are great.. ha ha.. if you come up with any more you should post em'.

 

[UltraMan]

Good stuff! Keep them coming!

 

[tiburonII]

YOU KIDDING ME >>>

THOSE ARE THE CORNIEsT, PU$$Y LOOSING LINES I HAVE HEARD IN A ROW>>>>>


GOOD LUCK....one more reason why evaerytime they do a poll the majority( a big majority ) is a virgin or only been with less than 2 girl


MY GOD ...someone call the doctor..


TIBURON

 

[Don_Marko]

These are basically pickup lines, women tend to think they are just fake and if you are actually pikcing up a chick using this as an opener I don't think you'll get very far most of the times. Therefore I wouldn't open a chick this way...but on the other hand these are a good lines to bust on girls already in your life!

 

[squirrels]

Have you actually USED any of these on women? And what have been your results?

 

[que_est_suave]

yes i use them every now and then. last week i used the cracker one on this chick in the club who had this THICK pink necklace on... her jaw just hit the flooooor... then was like "I cant believe u just said that"... after that u cud tell it was on!!! i used it on another girl who i was just asking her name and she was like "why?" and i asked 'what kind of name it that' then i used the one about the shoes and she was after me all night... i dont suggest using them all as openers... but after you've established a bit of rapport or are about to slip into WUSS mode they're useful...

and Tiburon- what lines do YOU USE? thats what the post was about?- post your openers which are obviously so much better or you wont be dissing mine..

 

[jonny football hero]

These should not be used as openers, they are too offensive IMO.
Openers should just be stuff like:

"nice watch, where did you get it"
"you look like a girl with style, help me out here"

 

[que_est_suave]

I like the "Hey you look like a girl with style, help me out here..." hehe - I've tried nice watch where did you get it and stuff like that... but usually they have a naff half-assed answer like "A shop" or "i dunnow cant remember" then you're left with tumbleweed and silence...

But maybe i'm not getting this whole ****y and funny thing... i mean David DeAngelos examples... IMO are a bit too offensive... like "Nice boots what are you 3 foot without them" and stuff...
So has anyone got some examples of some GOOD ****y / funny so I know i'm on the right track?

 

[jonny football hero]

It's all in the name bro. ****Y and FUNNY.

Hb: That was really good
Me: yeah, i know. I'm the best (big smile)

Hb: sorry i'm staring
Me: yeah, it's probably because i'm irresistable

What you first posted jumped out to me as Neg-hits rather than C+F.

 

[The Bartender]

If a girl is actually confident enough and forward enough to approach me...when she initially says hi or whatever, I'll say "that is the worst pick up line ever. You gotta try much harder than that if you wanna get with me"...This grabs some laughs

 

[que_est_suave]

yeah true, they're actually neghits... shows what i know... haha
but those last two posts were good - "hi - thats the worst pickup line ever" - classic.

 

[Zebedee]

Your lines dont come accross as ****y and funny they come accross as rude and obnoxious. You can only make jokes like that if you know the person a bit better. Put yourself in the mind of the girl you are trying to chat up, she is probably thinking some random stranger has just insulted my shoes. She will not be thinking wow hes so clever and funny I wanna fvck him now.

 

[ChrizZ]

Today I actually used a really funny line IMO.

HB9: I think I know you!
Me: Don´t think so. I just LOOK like Brad Pitt.

 

[syemour]

awesome cf man.

 

[n00bPimp]

Another one for fake blondes: "So is that the new style dying the roots dark?"
"Nice hairstyle" when they didnt fix it up also makes women selfconcious.

Her: Im bored
Me: so go write me a poem or something.