Open Relationships

[Freddy1]

What do you think can it work?

 

[everywomanshero]

Depends. Do you want it to work? Some people to into any relationship with the idea of moving on, and others just have no interpersonal skills.

I think it's the same as anything else, it all depends on the two people involved. Not sure that really helps. I don't look at statistics, because rarely have life's statistics ever applied to my life.

 

[Freddy1]

I really do want it to work.
Essentially I know this girl whose polyamourous (more than one lover) but at the same time would allow me to sleep with other women. She's actually bi-sexual and I do have some feelings with her. I'm just concern wether this is a smart thing to get involved with. It becomes a complicated love triangle.
I really dont want to get hurt in this. I really like her emotionally but I might be screwing myself in the end.

 

[Kings_royalty]

I'm just concern wether this is a smart thing to get involved with.

There are risks in any new relationship, regardless of the situation. In my opinion, I think you should GO FOR IT. Sure, maybe it's not the smartest thing to do, but then again, it may be what you were looking for. You never know until you try it. Right?

You only live once bro, have as much fun as you can and experience as much as you can.

 

[Freddy1]

She has become a ONEitis with me. I cant help but feel that.
She also has a boyfriend. But I'm cool with him. We get along and like the same things but he doesnt know I like her alot. I dont want to hurt him and I dont want her to hurt me. I'm afraid she will choose him over me since they been together the longest.

Its a f*ck up situation with several triangles and friends caught up in the middle of it.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

She has become a ONEitis with me.

You're an idiot if you do this.

The only reason you're considering this open relationship bullsh*t is because it allows you to be closer to the object of your obsession.

It's not any different from the chump who tries to become the girl's best friend and shoulder-to-cry-on because he tells himself that he would "rather be her friend than nothing at all", all the while he lusts after her and hopes that one day she will see how great and sensitive he is and she will run into his arms like life is one big motherf*cking John Hughes movie, which it is most certainly not.

The only difference in this case is that you may be able to get a little bit of ass, but that is only going to f*ck you up worse because you're so into this girl. An open relationship would only be a good idea if you were only in it for physical pleasure and could remain emotionally distant. You can't do that, because you're not even IN the relationship and you're already self-admittedly "one-itising" this girl.

Don't be an idiot.

 

[Freddy1]

You're an idiot if you do this.
Don't be an idiot.

I have known her for awhile. Its not a logical rational thing. Its an emotional thing. Shes very different from all the others girls in my life. She has been very supportive of me in the past as well. I went to pick up girls yesterday trying to throw the feeling off but I had no emotion for them.

Its not a sex thing. She's the one that has been wanting me to have sex with her. I have been rejecting her advances. I dont want it as a sex thing. Sex I can always get elswhere.

btw She is already in an open relationship. It was not my ideal. Never was.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

I have known her for awhile. Its not a logical rational thing. Its an emotional thing.

That's why it's a bad idea.

You WILL agree with me. The only question is: will you agree with me NOW, or will you agree with me LATER?

Easy way or hard way? You pick.

 

[Freddy1]

I'm still trying to stay in The Game. I just feel like sh*t.

Even when I was going out with other women I simply didnt have any real feelings for them of late.

 

[KillaCam]

Do not let your one-itis cloud your judgement.

Like Giovanni said, you're only considering this so you can get closer to her. It's not what you want. One-itis is not a good thing, it narrows your vision and screws you over emotionally, which eventually leads to you making bad decisions.

Like now.

Even then, the general consensus is that most open relationships fall apart. All it takes is for one person to want the other to be faithful, then it drops like a bomb in hiroshima. That will be you. You will not be able to handle her being with other people. Actually, screw it, no one should have to bother with that. If she wants you, then she wants only you.

All you will be is someone to cuddle when she's bored. While you're day-dreaming about her amazing eyes, she getting load after load blown into her eyes by studs with guts.

Drop the one-itis, reform your theories, and move on. Let this woman go.

And I don't want to hear any excuses otherwise. Just do it.

 

[Shiftkey]

I agree with Gio 100%

No pvssy is worth getting your feelings fvcked up. Open relationships only work when you have no emotional attachment.

 

[ScrewIt]

IME these dont work. you have to consider all the factors

a - oneitis
b - being hurt when it ends
c - being the rejected when she finds osmeone else
d - when she comes crawling back will you still want to be her booty call?

if you never cared or had feelings in the first place and used her as much as she used you for sex, etc...even if you openly date others at the same time, then hope that it should not become a problem for you.

My suggestion is to talk it over in the beginning and set an agreement, so neither of you develop false expectations from the rleationship

 

[Freddy1]

Dont get me wrong sex with multiple women is great. Sex is not the issue I have. I could get sex. I dont think most guys in their 20's or early 30's can or will understand my situation.

Heres my situation.
I realize I am getting old. I have no kids, no wife. No one to support me.
I have some serious medical condition. To be honest with you I have tumors in my body and have to go to be operated upon. I might DIE.
The pickup scene might be nice but I cant see myself in the future as a lonely old man (No kids, no wife etc) lying at the hospital at my death bed.

I dont want to necessairly Die alone.

I want someone who will be there for me. Believe me if I could slow down time I would. nature is not forgiving. Sooner or later everyone has to come to grip to their own mortality.

 

[KillaCam]

Dont get me wrong sex with multiple women is great. Sex is not the issue I have. I could get sex. I dont think most guys in their 20's or early 30's can or will understand my situation.

Heres my situation.
I realize I am getting old. I have no kids, no wife. No one to support me.
I have some serious medical condition. To be honest with you I have tumors in my body and have to go to be operated upon. I might DIE.
The pickup scene might be nice but I cant see myself in the future as a lonely old man (No kids, no wife etc) lying at the hospital at my death bed.

I dont want to necessairly Die alone.

I want someone who will be there for me. Believe me if I could slow down time I would. nature is not forgiving. Sooner or later everyone has to come to grip to their own mortality.

And you think getting involved with a bed-hopper will make your life complete?

 

[Freddy1]

And you think getting involved with a bed-hopper will make your life complete?

It has nothing to do "about a complete life".

Looking at all the divorces and fail marriages vs. dying all alone in a hospital.

Simply the vast majority of marriages ends up in divorce. Its not as bad when Time is on your side when your young.

I want someone who can be there. Someone who I have known for awhile and has supported me emotionally in my life. When get older you have plenty of things to worry about (i.e. your health, finding a partner, having kids).

The pickup scene in the end will eventually lead to a Dead End. Its a nice fantasy but one has to consider thier future too.

 

[KillaCam]

Looking at all the divorces and fail marriages vs. dying all alone in a hospital.

I want someone who can be there. Someone who I have known for awhile and has supported me emotionally in my life.

You have a horribly negative frame of mind.

Let me put it down this way. If she was truly devoted to you, if you were the most important thing in her life, and if she wanted nothing more than to be with you during the good times and bad, chances are she wouldn't have the desire to be screwing other men.

I'm sorry for your circumstances of health, I can relate to you on that level personally. But your one-itis towards this girl could turn into a final straw. Never, and I mean never settle for less than you're worth, no matter what is happening around you.

Live every bloody day like it's your last, don't put yourself into a frame of mind where you're already planning who you want next to you on your death bed. You've already closed off a hell of a lot of options in life by devoting your emotional capaticty to someone who is in a relationship and has the desire to sleep around. Open up your options again, live life.

Also, i've said this in numerous posts before, and I will say it for you too.

If a woman can leave someone to be with you, she can just as easily leave you to be with someone else.

You deserve better. And you have the chance to get better.

 

[Freddy1]

I'm just afraid.
I need to think of the future too.

The issue of having kids will come up sooner or later.
The issue of the dreaded ONEitis.

 

[KillaCam]

I'm just afraid.
I need to think of the future too.

And it's that mentality that will lead you down a horrible path my friend. I can understand that you want security and hapiness for what could be the final stages of life, but there are other ways of finding it.

This woman obviously means a lot to you. But in a relationship situation, she will bring you down. Have her in your life, but not in a way that will cause you heartache, confusion and frustration.

There is so much in life that people never get to do. Possibly, you have a heads up on when you're time might come to an end. If anything, that's reason enough not to settle for second best. Actually, this situation has the possiblity of being less than 2nd best.

Fear is acceptable. Fear is natural. But fear should never better you. Ever.

In saying that, obviously only you know what you can and can't do. All I can say is, don't lead yourself into a bad situation for the sake of being in a situation.

I wish you the best of luck regardless.

 

[Kings_royalty]

You're an idiot if you do this.

The only reason you're considering this open relationship bullsh*t is because it allows you to be closer to the object of your obsession.

It's not any different from the chump who tries to become the girl's best friend and shoulder-to-cry-on because he tells himself that he would "rather be her friend than nothing at all", all the while he lusts after her and hopes that one day she will see how great and sensitive he is and she will run into his arms like life is one big motherf*cking John Hughes movie, which it is most certainly not.

The only difference in this case is that you may be able to get a little bit of ass, but that is only going to f*ck you up worse because you're so into this girl. An open relationship would only be a good idea if you were only in it for physical pleasure and could remain emotionally distant. You can't do that, because you're not even IN the relationship and you're already self-admittedly "one-itising" this girl.

Don't be an idiot.

He's got a point.