Open relationship?

[zen511]

So I have been seeing this chick for about two-three months, we are in an open relationship which is fine by both her and I at the moment. However, recently we have been seeing so much of each other is it almost like a bf/gf kind of thing. In addition she referred to us having sex as “making love” the other day. She also seemed to refer to us in a more forward looking manner than before the past two weeks. So with thoes comments passed I asked her how she saw us, because to me those kind of words could have two completely different meanings.

Anyways she dismissed it that no we are “dating” and there is no need to rush anything. She apologized if her wording “scared” me, so I played along and dismissed it as nothing more than me wanting to be on the same page because of the way she was talking. I more or less made it seem like she was sending signals.

The crux of the situation here is more or less I want to segway this open relationship to an exclusive one. I am reaching the point where I can see this being a worthwhile relationship however, I do not want to come on too strong or possibly scare her away.

I like it when it was open since it was fun for me although I do not feel as satisfied as I could be in an exclusive one. I feel as if I don’t want to invest too much more time into her if there always is the option there for either of us to date other people. It just does not feel kosher to me after a few months of dating. Hmm am I completely off base here or am I making sense……

 

[marinetti]

I feel as if I don't want to invest too much time into her if there always is the option there for either of us to date other people.

I think it's possible you're being a little selfish here by saying you want her to have the possibility to date someone else. If she started sleeping with another guy as well as you, would you HONESTLY be cool with it?

Seriously?

Okay, maybe you would. I don't know. However, it does sound like she's getting more emotionally involved with you. The problem is, you approached her directly about it, and since the two of you originally agreed to keep it open, she lied so as not to appear to be breaking her original word.

Try this. Say to her "I don't know about you, but lately I've been feeling like this is turning into something more than it started out as. I'm thinking about you more, and I'm starting to wonder what that means. How do you feel?"

By opening up your own emotions first, you will be inviting her to open up to you. And I'm going to guess she's going to agree, that this is starting to feel like more than it originally was.

Start like that, wonder out loud if the two of you should question the whole "open relationship" thing, and you won't chase her off. I think she's waiting for a little leadership from you on this whole thing.

Relationships are not static things. They always are changing. You two are either drifting closer together or further apart, and there's no way to logically change that. That's good advice for everyone on here.

 

[penkitten]

sounds fun, but never lasts?

 

[zen511]

marinetti excellent reply and I appreciate it very much.....

I must clarify one thing.... I did not lay it out that it was an open relationship, she more or intimiated that it would be, when we started going out she was seeing another guy "casually" although that soon fizzled out. I am pretty sure she has kept things just as open as I have from the way she talks from time to time.

Although I do see this relationship changing these past two-three weeks. I guess do you think its too soon to even bring it up especially after she said no we "dating" and dismissed the bf/gf notion.

 

[aliasguy]

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To the OP:

You are making "sense." That is, it easy to understand what you are SAYING.

But it really isn't clear what you WANT. You say that you like this girl, and that you "want" to move into exclusivity. Is that right?

if you do want that (though God knows why?) then just BE exclusive with her. Spend time with her. Most women want that. Few will play by those rules, but most will tell you that they will.

She'll bring it up, or she won't. If she does, viola. You're there, I guess. If she doesn't, well, she's got other guys, and at LEAST she's not lying.

Are you seeing other women?
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[marinetti]

some good points by aliasguy. what do YOU want, after all? sounds like you want an exclusive relationship to me. aliasguy, don't be so quick to dismiss exclusive relationships. they are the goal of the vast majority of men in the world.

my advice holds, zen, if you want to move it to an exclusive relationship. i think she'll respect you for bringing up the change. remember, women don't want to have to lead in a relationship. they want a strong man that will guide them. if you don't want it exclusive, then don't mention anything. the original rules were open relationship. although if she gets really attached, she'll probably have an emotional outburst at some point that you will have to deal with, since you're bottling up what she's feeling.

i still am convinced she's getting attached to you. how you deal with it is up to you. i think you're safe in bringing it up the way i described it.

oh, and let us know the outcome!