Only serious posters.**What makes a successful marrige??????/

[Marcus]

Ok what do you think makes a successful marrige , what are the components, From a mans point of view???

What do you think?


And where do you think most couples go wrong?



feel free to go into detail , im all ears (in this case eyes)

 

[Keeper]

The number one reason why most marriages fail, IMO, is because people are selfish.

Just the other day I heard about a divorce, and the reason: "He doesn't make me happy."

Damn... that woman should learn it's not the spouses job to make her happy. It's her own job. As most psychologists will say: only by loving youself, can you truly love others. If she would learn to create her own happines, then whatever her husband does to maker her happy will increase a hundredfold. People forget that in marriage you're supposed to find more of youself. Not just the other person.

Most unhappy spouses just don't understand: Life's not about you! Think of someone else for a change!

As with the aformentioned case... just think how much their marriage would have improved if she only thought of how she could make HIM happy. Instead of waiting on him.

People are too selfish nowadays. And it's that quality which is one leading contributor to depression and so on.

There... that's my rant.

Gosh... I feel so AFC again. Speaking of True Love n all. Bah... excuse me while I go and find someone to insult. Chereio!

 

[Sart]

DEFINE SUCCESS

I was married (actually, technically still am) for 11 years. In my case I spent so much time nurturing her through illness that when she finally got well, she was like a sister/daughter to me. Seriously, I mean that literally, it just sucked the passion out.

I have two beautiful little kids and will always love and protect that woman for the rest of my life.

Short term? I think short term problems are mistaking lust for love.
Longer term? I think that most men either put on blinkers, stay for the kids, or cheat, and this is coming from a fairly broad cross section and with benefit of intimate detail.

I think being best friends and having passion for each other is necessary. If either of these die, its either divorce or start up shyte on the side.

Thats just an opinion, but not many men in here have held down an 11 year marriage/12 year relationship, so I wont eat too much shyte from others.

PS. Edit Note. You only asked for serious posters, does this include people like me who apparently SUCK! ? Its okay Marcus, I didn't really take your U SUCK comment to heart, I knew that you had simply completely missed the point of my thread.

 

[Centaurion]

i've been thinking alot about this lately, and what i've come to is that one of the main reasons that marriages fail is that the man marries down, insted of up or someone at his own level.

 

[AIR-PILOT]

COMMUNICATION

 

[Spike_the_Dragon]

Check out the psychology seminar transcripits on relationships at www.billyjack.com


If you really want to understand relationships, Tom Laughlin is the man to show you the way. Thanks to Mr. Laughlin's advice I've found a great woman who truly loves me.

 

[The Rake]

Recipes for a happy marriage:

- Marry the woman who turns you on physically, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically.

- She must have as few pieces of baggage as possible (what woman doesn't have baggage?)

- She must be a giver and loving.

- She must have a great sense of humor.

- She must not be a control freak, excessively jealous, clingy and needy.

- She must maintain contact with her female friends and encourage you to hang out with "the boys".

- She must allow you to pursue your hobbies.

- She communicate her problems to you and not give you the silent treatment.

- Sex must be exciting and not predictable.

- Go on a vacation without the kids coming along.

- Romance her continually.

- Date her like before you two got married.

- Keep her on her toes by being unpredictable.

- Do not tolerate her misbehavior, but gently and firmly call her on her bu*lsh*t.

- Always convey to her that you always have the option of bolting if she continues to disrespect you.

It goes to say that much of the above should apply to you. Marriage is about giving 100% (not 50%) of yourself and your spouse does the same.

 

[MetalFortress]

In addition to what has been said above, I will add:

men: They fail to continue making her feel special and wanted, spurring her on to be the best woman she can be. Don't sit around and watch sports all day after work and be a bum. Fight for her, and ignite her passion.

women: They fail to seduce and arouse him, spurring him on to be the best man he can be. If a wife wants something of her man, I'd say her best bet is persuasion by seduction. NOT nagging, whining, or emasculation.

 

[diablo]

Anything Else...

 

[MrHarris]

The main problem with couples of any type either married or dating is the lack of open and honest communication of each others needs.


Men tend to become wimps when they get with a woman and will not express what they really want. We as men also do not ask enough questions as to what our women desire.

Once you settle down with your female, you still need to be manly and set the direction and tone of your relationship.

 

[penkitten]

hard work
dedication
trust
communication
hope
love
faith
patience
and sexO

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I've spoken to many couples that have been happily married 30+ years (one couple 56 years) and the most common 'rant' they had about young people and the divorce rate was how the attitudes of today's youth are changed.

Today's young men and women don't try hard. Everything is fast food, a quick fix, or the grass is always greener. People nowdays would rather bail out when the going gets tough than to stay in it and work things through.

No one wants to work for it. Everyone wants the short cut, the easiest path, the 'get rich quick' scheme.

There is a ton of advice here on how to make a marriage work..but I'm sorry, after 25 years of marriage, how do you keep the spouse "ON HER TOES" or how can you be "LESS NEEDY" in a marriage after 30 years.

Bottom line, people are selfish and lazy. So when it comes to marriage, its all about dating many, many, many women to find the one who you feel in you 'gut' will stay through the tough times.

 

[dietzcoi]

Don't marry too soon, too young and in haste, which many, many AFCs do. Which I did too...

Choose the right person. If you have doubts, don't do it...many go thru with it knowing it won't work due to family or other pressures.

Realize that not everybody in our present society can or should be married. We do have a selfish society and people undergo more changes than they did 200 years ago.

I truly thing that 25% to 50% of the population just should not get married. It takes a special dedication to be married 50 years. I doubt that it exists in most people, especially the ones with mobile careers and those who come into contact with attractive members of the opposite sex every day at work.

I could be that long-term marriage will slowly go extict. Many people will bemoan this as the end of the human race, but I still say that long-term marriage is a creation of the church since the middle ages and that the history of man for 10,000 years shows that such long-term marriages are not the norm.

So to answer the question, first be sure you are one of the people who really can be happily married, then wait until you are mature, and marry the right person after knowing them for a few years.

Dietzcoi

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

Communication, sensivitity and compromise.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Hmmm,..written just as I'd expect a 19 y.o. girl to.

I love how unmarried or divorced people always tell you how important 'communication' is in a marriage. It's analagous with people telling you to "just be yourself" when they have no idea how to get you together with someone else. It seems like the 'right' thing to say. Here's the truth though; yes, communication is important, but all the communication in the world doesn't amount to sh!t if you fundamentally disagree about issues.

I also love how any threads about marriage, even ones that ask specifically for a man's perspective, automatically draw female posters to tell us how important their condition for marriage are. PENTKITTEN's post would make a great Hallmark
anniversary card. For a guy the list should look like this:

Respect
Sex
Sex
Sex
Commitment
Staying in shape
Sex
Sex
Patience

I've been happily married for almost 9 years now and I can tell you that the most certain way for my wife to turn off to me is to be 'sensitve' and 'compromising'. I'm sure Oprah and Dr. Phil would love to have us believe that this is what makes for a good pairing, but there's no quicker way for my wife to lose respect for me than to be wishy-washy and indecisive. She expects me to pull a trigger even when it contradicts what she wants. I know too many married AFCs or guys who were very strong men go AFC in marriage that are utterly controlled by their wives and have been so for years. Guys who dont know how to be men become completely emasculated in marriage because they swallow this crap.

Never let your wife set precidents, for a guy, marriage is bassically a life long sh!t test for which you have to consistently pass even when it means you wont be getting laid. No pvssy, even your wife's, is worth losing respect over. Too many married guys I know consistently roll over in the short term for their wives demands because they blackmail them with their intimacy. When in actuallity, in the long term, had they been decisive and uncompromising they would be getting it more consistently because their wives respected them and they respected themselves. Never trade short term pvssy for long term respect. Nothing pises me off more than see some disrespectful b!tch roll her eyes when her husband is speaking or doing something she can't relate with or doesn't include her.

From a man's point the most important component about marriage is to know yourself well enough to get what you expect. For instance, I know myself well enough to know that I could never be faithful to a woman who didn't keep herself in prime physical condition. My wife knows this and consequently looks better at 40 that 90% of the women in their 20s I encountered on campus at college. No lie.

This means NEVER marry a woman that is less than perfect for you - she MUST live up to your highest expectations. And why not? You're basically betting all you own, and all you will own in the future, that this woman will exclusively provide for your sexual needs for a life time. I'm sure the women here will just grind their teeth over this and come back with the standard response, "A relationship is about more than sex you know!", but that's a tall order for a guy. Until women can produce 50 times the amount of testosterone they do now, they'll never understand how important sex is to a guy. Any woman who utters the words, "I dont understand why sex is such a big deal for you" is automatically unmarrigable. Dont even entertain the idea of marrying this woman, she's just 'communicated' to you that she'll use sex to get what she wants from you.

There is NO advantage for a man in marriage (outside of rearing children) that he cannot get or be in a better position to get being single.