Only If Youre Out For A Serious Relationship

[Man Of Adventure]

There eventually comes a time when a person understands that they want somebody that understands them and they actually understand them back. There are no rules. There is no exact time to call her. Rules on this site eventually became crutches and then something to break.

For most my time doing this I had the idea that I am already getting the kinds of girls that I wanted.

"Who cares what I want when Im already gettin it?"

At least at the time I thought I knew everything I wanted but in fact it was a misguided perception.

I had no idea really: All I could think of were external features and personality descriptions (i.e. funny, smart, relaxed, hot body etc.) I figured out that those were some good details but the most important thing I learned was that we have to "get" each other and were gonna have to spend a lot of time with one another and keep the attraction flowing a long time before Id ever say the "Words of Doom" and give the "10,000 dollar gift". Nobody my age outta be married...but I think everybody deserves a relationship with a girl that you can throw almost every rule out that youve ever heard.

The last girl I dated I ended up having a three week fling with and it was better than any relationship Ive ever had. I was a funny guy in her eyes, and she was a lesbian at the time when she met me and quickly changed her views having no idea she was actually willing to do that. I broke probably every single one of our "rules" and we kept it going. We spent almost every day together and every night doin nasty **** in her bed. Of course the feeling started to fade like in most relationships and we decided to let it go recently. In the end though..were still friends. That night I ended up grabbin digits with a hot girl that just hit it off in the same way. This further showed me that there are more girls out there that can click with you naturally.

You could say to me "Hey, now well since you didnt stop seeing each other at all for three weeks then the attraction was bound to fade because there was no presence of a challenge and you guys were getting tired of one another." I think challenge only prolongs the inevitable. Yeah, so it didnt last that long...so be it. Im glad nothing more came out of it. We figured out a lot about each other in that time that could have taken years for other people to realize...maybe even when theyre married.

I think too many people have long term breakups or get divorced because they spent all their time hiding tendencys or playing hard to get with the person they decide to marry. Playing hard to get and supply and demand were the only things that kept their relationship interesting and since those come to fade the relationship breaks when theyre tired of one another.

I know now though there are really girls out there that like doing things that you like doing,and you make them laugh without even trying. It gives me more reason to go about these girls without playing any kind of game or use any kind of rule because Ive realized that any great girl is entitled to know you with your guard down when her guards down too. The rest of the girls out there you just know when you meet them that they arent worth it cuz they just dont click. Hey, even if the next girl in your life doesnt work out you played it the way you know things would come to be and now you know youd be tired of each other later on. There are more girls out there who are even cooler than her who you may be able to keep it real and keep it there for years on end....and that girl will definately be wow in only each others eyes. Cant say Ive ever met a girl like that, but I have come that much closer.

My final note: Three weeks, tired, and closing on good terms saved me six months or more of playing hard to get and then closing on bad terms.

P.S. Being a challenge could be the wrong building blocks of a relationship if thats what you mainly use in your deck of cards. If youre single and playing the game for sex by all means being a challenge is fun especially with more than one girl. Remember, thats an entirely different animal.

 

[md3sign]

Interesting post, but I'm going to have to partially disagree. A lot of these "rules" are just ways to keep attraction going. It's great that you had a wild 3 week fling and found out so much about each other, but at the same time that was your ultimate demise. Once you know everything about a person, they become more and more common. You get used to them. You take them for granted. There's no way to avoid this other than to be scarce and mysterious.

Why are diamonds worth so much? Sure, they're the hardest material on earth, but from a practical standpoint they have very limited uses (aside from drill bits which come pretty cheap anyway). They're certainly not the best looking gem - most people can't tell the difference between a diamond and cubic zirconia. The ONLY reason they're worth so much and prized so much is because they're RARE.

Playing hard to get and being a challenge aren't the same thing. One is a game and one is a measurement of self worth and self respect as well as having a life.

For instance: I'm not looking for a relationship right now and I am spinning several plates, but there is one in particular I click with very well and so I give her more time than the others. I still don't really talk to her outside of our get togethers and I don't see her too often because I really am pretty busy, but when we see each other, we ALWAYS have a great time because we VALUE each other's presence. This same concept applies to both dating and serious relationships.

 

[layman]

I would have to agree with md3sign. Diamonds are a great metaphor. People think that diamonds are rare, but they are not. Russia has a huge supply of diamonds, the difference is that the supply is controlled. The supply is controlled by DeBeers who basically have a monopoly on the diamond market. They also created the demand, they created the marketing to put diamonds on actors and created the idea of a diamond engagement ring.

Stated differently, diamonds were plentiful (not the right word but you ge what I mean) and no one cared. Debeers came along and created the demand and reduced the supply and now every girl is crazy about diamonds.

I think the same ideas apply to women, from psychology there is the idea of cognitive dissonance. This says that we will like whatever we work for. They have proven this in rat mating sudies. Male rats were placed in a cell with a female rat and either allowed to mate right away or were forced to wait and work before mating. These rats were then put into another cell with multiple female rats. The male rats that had to work/wait before mating with their female partner were more likely to stay with their female partner when other females were around!

In your case, you are correct in saying that you and the other person should get to know the real person, but having said that the human mind isn't always logical. We always want what we can't have, and love things that we have worked for. Her mistake (as well as yours) was that neither of you created the scarcity (i.e. absence makes the heart grow fonder) that would have created long term attraction. You guys were always available everyday and essentially burned each other out.

Since you are still friends you should probably try to be more scarce and see how she responds.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

I'm going to disagree with everyone.

First of all - I wish people would just stop throwing around "be a challenge" or "be scarce" willy nilly. As if you are being a challenge or being scarce for the sake of being a challenge/scarce.

Great relationships are formed from people who have their own lives, lives that don't involve the partner in every single aspect. In other words, women will be attracted to a guy who also goes out and does his own thing, who pursues intellectual endeavours, who is charismatic, who is an ALPHA MALE.

Guys will be attracted to girls who have their own lives just as well. Who go out with their friends WITHOUT the dude.

No relationship can exist where each partner is about ONLY the other partner. So scarcity and being a challenge are really just side effects of being an attractive person.

For the guys out there who are learning, they've gotta pretend until they really become that attractive dude.

Now we throw around "be scarce" as if I'm going out snowboarding without my g/fs for the sake of being scarce. BULLSH1T. I'm going out doing my own thing because that's what makes me happy and as a side effect, that's what attracts them to me.

So NO- you don't throw the game out the window. When you truly become a confident dude, you will realize that there is no f.cking game! This is life. Improve yourself, go out and do the things you like without your g/f.

This site has created constructs in people's heads such as challenge and scarcity to explain REAL WORLD PHENOMENA. Things that naturals do without thinking about it. Things you should be doing if you're truly living your life.

 

[Quiksilver]

Solid post, Mind_Body_Soul.


Although I have to disagree on one part...This site actually has a good learning process.

warning, this sounds cheesy.

For a socially crippled person like many on this site(i won't deny it, i was too), this site gives crutches to all the ones who care to learn. Even though we couldn't get by naturally in a social setting, the social crutches that this site teaches, allowed us to get by and not act like a cripple.(fake it till you make it). Using the techniques and tips on the site lets everybody experience not being a social cripple, and allows for the wounds of the past to heal. One day--soon for some, distant for others--they will get up one morning and see that they don't need crutches anymore, that crutches are actually more of a hindrance than a help. This person isn't a socially crippled person anymore and doesn't need the help of some tips and tactics.

It provides good habits to follow to be successful, until the habits are natural. Once the habits are natural, you don't need to learn them anymore, and you percieve the whole concept of "practicing habits" as a waste of time.

So yes, "game" is ultimately a waste of your precious time, but until you become a natural DJ, practicing good social and mental habits is the best way to become a natural Don Juan.

Originally posted by Mind_Body_Soul
So NO- you don't throw the game out the window. When you truly become a confident dude, you will realize that there is no f.cking game! This is life. Improve yourself, go out and do the things you like without your g/f.

This site has created constructs in people's heads such as challenge and scarcity to explain REAL WORLD PHENOMENA. Things that naturals do without thinking about it. Things you should be doing if you're truly living your life.

I was just elaborating on that point.