Online vs. Offline (IRL) Reputation Risks

[h2o]

Something that I’ve thought about a lot lately and meant to post a thread about is regarding reputation, online/offline (IRL).

I am on and off concerned with revealing too much about my real-life identity online. Sometime, I’ll just not care, and later tell a nice mod to delete/edit it for me, and other times I will be extra careful to purposely modify details of an experience to keep it from being detected by someone who knows me IRL.

Face it, with over 17,000 members on here, and not to mention who knows how many more who merely visit and read without registering, there will undoubtedly be someone you know who could easily connect your online user name to your real-life identity.

In certain aspects, your reputations are your life. But even though at times I may try to conceal my real-life identity online, I am not completely convinced that revealing who I am would be so detrimental.

If that was true, I can’t see how guys like MindOverMatter or Player_Supreme and some others have posted their photos online without caring who does or does not see it and inevitably recognize them.

I believe that guys like Pook or the old, renowned posters here did not show their photo for the same reason I am trying to explain. They did not want people they know or those who know them and support their real-life reputation to know that they engage in such thoughts/ideals/activities/self-improvement, what-have-you. In other words, I similarly feel that even despite having broken free from the chains of self-limiting beliefs that once held me down, I still am hiding some part of myself by caring if people know me to be on this site or not. My parents know I like sarging hot girls in my free time, heck, last time I was on an airplane, my dad practically winged for me…so, I know they’re cool with it. But, I don’t share my thoughts on this sarging/seduction hobby with friends or acquaintances. It’s like I keep it somewhat secretive. Sure, I am all about bettering yourself and allowing women to be an extra to your core goals, but still, I do sarge women on a daily basis, and don’t openly discuss it with anyone other than here/online.

Lately, as I’ve grown/excelled mentally, I’ve viewed more and more things as simply a figment of the mind. Cold weather? To me, as long as it’s humanely bearable, it’s only a sensation, and one can control their reaction to cold showers and chilly weather through their own mind. Likewise, though seemingly irrelevant to that example, if people see me on this site and recognize me IRL as h2o on Sosuave, it is a weakness or insecurity to care what their thoughts are.

Personally, I am very congruent online and offline. There are no discrepancies in my stories or statements, so what the heck am I hiding? Or, rather, why do I still continue to hide? Yeah, sure, a few of my past posts are somewhat disturbing, but I have clearly conveyed my thoughts and explained myself to the point where I should not be worried if someone I know reads what I wrote, because it is from the heart, it’s all damn true.

I feel like the fact that I still care what others would think if they made the online/offline connection, I feel it’s still a deep-rooted insecurity on my part.

The only reason I keep hiding is because for some reason I feel there is another side of argument/discussion that is missing.

I think this is a big issue with this site, and my point with this thread is not to start a flame or war or “who is real vs. who isn’t” bashing. My intention is to better understand the security some of you feel with revealing your identities online, and the reason why some of you do not.

Perhaps, more specifically, as I am attempting a new approach journal, one concern is doing lots of approaches on campus. I do have tons of social proof, but doesn’t every other social guy/girl? Sure, social proof is great, but if you’re a social guy in college, how can you not have it? I don’t make friends to create social proof that's stupid; neither do I talk to strangers for that reason. Anyway, my social circle and hundreds of acquaintances continues to grow, and basically what I’m saying is, if everyone pretty much knows that many people, than it doesn’t put much at stake for me to risk losing if I do lots of approaches on campus. Because everyone knows lots of people, so what reputation? Some may think that doing lots of approaches on campus will make you look desperate, and this is a thought that still lingers slightly in the back of my mind, but even more now, I am wondering why do I think that way?

Please discuss, your opinions/thoughts are much appreciated.

*for those who are not familiar with the acronym IRL, it stands for “In Real Life” …to others, duh

 

[quest]

I got lost in your words as I started to think about my own feelings after basically the first paragraph.
And I think you may also have got lost in your words somewhat, as its quite deep, and seemed to change in direction somewhere along the ways.

But I think I am in a place similar to you.

I am a PUA. I am a good PUA. I've probably only realised how good I am over the last 3 months.

There are holes in my game. But for the time been, they do not need addressing and I won't go into details about them in this post.

As I am a good PUA, I'd like to run some type of journal, with not only pictures of myself, but the girls which I see.

There are problems with this.

Should I be discovered I can see it going two ways.

To some people, they would ultimately like me more. As lets face it, a guy with many girls is a guy you want to be associated with.

OR.

It could create jealousy and resentment in the guys, I could become a joke that people talk about, I would be veiwed heavily as a fraud and a geek.
I think girls who I had sex'd would feel used and betrayed, and girls who I would then approach would feel disgusted and put off.

What can be done?

The idea that I like best, is an elite club.

Run through sosuave would be best, but somewhere else would probably be needed as I don't think sosuave would go for it.

Initially I thought 20 or so members would suit this club.

But I am now drawn to a larger number. 100+

With invites being thrown out regularly to people in the community who have shown they are mature to stay away from trolling and the like, and have enough game that they can offer real advice aswell as requesting advice on there own issues in the correct way.

As MindOverMatter suggested in another thread, each member must have a picture which he holds his name on a peice of paper.

In my opinion, a club like this would surely make mine, and every member of its game grow exponentially. Due to the fact you can post the most minute details and receive the fullest advice for them. As well as other posters posting pictures of 'conquests' (if you will) inspiring you to get your game to their level.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by h2o

In certain aspects, your reputations are your life. But even though at times I may try to conceal my real-life identity online, I am not completely convinced that revealing who I am would be so detrimental.

If that was true, I can’t see how guys like MindOverMatter or Player_Supreme and some others have posted their photos online without caring who does or does not see it and inevitably recognize them.

So, you are saying...if some people would figure out you, h2o, is good at sarging, is learning it and write about it, maybe even post some pics of girls you talked to and (omG) even slept with.. they might damage your reputation?

Basically if they find out you are a man who loves women, it would be detrimental to the reputation? Unless you married or have LTR, it can be only a good social proof if some chick find out about your writing activities here and some dudes would just think"gee... I didn't even know h2o is so cool."

I also believe MindOverMatter and Player_Supreme came from quite different cultures, so they look at it differently.

 

[green69]

I also share the same insecurities. I've thought about it from time to time, and I formed the best guess as to WHY someone would be insecure if their online identity was found on this site.

My idea basically that on the outside, this site is designed to attract women. Not so bad of a premise...but the stuff that surrounds it is what makes this site a potential problem. What do you think of first when you think of someone who uses a site like this? My first thought is "some guy who gets no girls, so he tries to learn cheap seduction techniques in order make up for his lack of game." Now whether that is actually true or not, I believe that's the kind of label one might receive if they are known to be on this site. I'm not here for cheap pickup lines, no, but when the Bible is filled with such examples, and ideas like this are posted all the time...it's hard to blend it all together. If you are here for self-improvement, that's great. That's what I believe the true potential of this site is. But the fact of the matter is that to a casual observer who just reads the title of the site, and makes a generalization of the people that go here...they will think that they are using canned material to pickup girls.

How would you feel if all your friends (and girls) thought you were using re-cycled lines off an internet message board? Not too great I bet.

 

[RaWBLooD]

I dont need no one to know me, IRL i dont argue about the stupid **** i do on forums, mostly cause id start a fight, and thats no fun over meaningless ****.

 

[h2o]

Originally posted by green69
"some guy who gets no girls, so he tries to learn cheap seduction techniques in order make up for his lack of game." Now whether that is actually true or not, I believe that's the kind of label one might receive if they are known to be on this site.

Yes, unfortunately, that is the “label” you will get if you are simply found to use this site…not necessarily be found to be a certain userID.

For example, I often leave my dorm room door open, and friends and stuff just go in and out. I try to keep my monitor off sometimes, but it’s inevitable other guys have seen the “Don Juan Discussion” forum title in an open or minimized Internet browser window.

Two guys, a few weeks ago when I was eating with them at the dining hall, just straight out said to me, “h2o, you seem like you’re anti-social, etc.” At that point I barely kept myself from bursting out laughing, and just smiled really big…couldn’t help it. I dealt with it by pretending to agree with their “constructive criticism.” They were immediately taken aback by my relaxed demeanor, LOL. Although, they don’t know me that well, and they're obviously insecure...which I've been able to tell on other occasions also. LOL, it definitely made for a good laugh. Still, point being, I go to a huge school, and undoubtedly, I will run into stuff like this again…and face-to-face it's okay, but I don’t want people judging me with a label before they even meet me.

 

[h2o]

^and if you two guys still read this site, I hope you stick around and actually learn something

Originally posted by al77
So, you are saying...if some people would figure out you, h2o, is good at sarging, is learning it and write about it, maybe even post some pics of girls you talked to and (omG) even slept with.. they might damage your reputation?

Yes, and no.

My dorm buddies/friends have seen me go out with girls and take girls into my room, but I don’t talk to them about it. If I post FRs/journals it’s to get feedback, or to encourage others to get off their asses and start meeting women. Outsiders would misunderstand it for making a big deal of petty interactions and using people, ie, they may think I befriended them for "social proof," etc. I have this fear of no matter how genuine and true I am, there will always be haters that could accuse you of this, and being labelled a fake is one of the worst things.

Another example, is that if I posted about dating a girl that I'm not really attracted to, but as a rebound/practice/building-block, it would be understandable here. However, I suggested that once to a friend of mine, and he said if I did that he may seriously lose a ton of respect for me and consider me inhumane!

Face it, society is filled with chumps, and they treat women like goddesses. No matter how much I truly enjoy the being with and around women, I still do not subscribe to that borderline-irreverence. I mean, come on, you guys have hung out with guys who just talk about how hot chicks are but never even approach...they think women are goddesses. Unfortunately, other guys do judge you based on your respect/views on women...because it is a big part of a chump's life. But, the majority of them will not be around to see the reality of your perspective in action, and how well you actually get girls...so they hate on what they don't know or understand. It's ignorance and close-mindedness, and once a few of them label you something, you can't go against it easily.

Second, I know two guys who have connected my identity to h2o. On separate occasions, have said something along the lines of, “hey, h2o, that girl over there is pretty cute, can you go over there and talk to her for us/me?” Wtf, it’s just annoying. I just don’t sarge for the sake of sarging, or for someone else unless I feel like it. I don’t even know these guys that well…

What I’m saying is, it has happened. I’m wondering, how has no one else run into this, or have you? I mean, isn’t it inevitable? I don’t even brag that much here, or I’m not a big poster or anything…I’m sure guys like 007 have run into this with putting out videos and pictures...I just don't see how they're so okay/comfortable with it

Originally posted by quest
The idea that I like best, is an elite club.

I like that idea too.

 

[h2o]

Okay, for those who are sketpical...take a look at these links:

The average daily traffic for sosuave.net, this forum, is 63,710
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/?url=sosuave.net

That's more than 3 times the number of members (18,000 - less than 1% of who actually post)

See this link for graphs of monthly traffic, etc averages and details...sort of looks like a stock chart/quote

Not sure if I'm reading it correctly, but from those links it appears today there were over 130,000 visits to this site

Try it for yourself.

How could you not be found out eventually, is what I'm saying...and what kind of advice can guys who freely share their photos provide to make us feel more comfortable with just letting go of this insecurity and revealing our identities

 

[al77]

Originally posted by h2o

My dorm buddies/friends have seen me go out with girls and take girls into my room, but I don’t talk to them about it.

Another example, is that if I posted about dating a girl that I'm not really attracted to, but as a rebound/practice/building-block, it would be understandable here. However, I suggested that once to a friend of mine, and he said if I did that he may seriously lose a ton of respect for me and consider me inhumane!

Second, I know two guys who have connected my identity to h2o. On separate occasions, have said something along the lines of, “hey, h2o, that girl over there is pretty cute, can you go over there and talk to her for us/me?” Wtf, it’s just annoying. I just don’t sarge for the sake of sarging, or for someone else unless I feel like it. I don’t even know these guys that well…

Ok, so it is a bit more complicated.

1. Never allows people look at your screen. You go out of the room, turn the monitor off or just set up windows password on a screensaver. I do believe it is none of their business what you do with your own PC. If somebody is too curious, that a real sh*t.
Just simply set up a password.

2. The guys who already connected something with your screen name. Well.. change your screen name, and do not allow them
look at your PC.

So basically yes, you should do some simple security measures. If you don't say what city\university you are from, there is no way they can identify you easily.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

It is a privacy issue; you guys are not my friends. Only the ppl I've known while get to see my camera phone pictures, and the raunchy detail of my life.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I've been slowly leaning to the side of not caring if I get found out..... a girl I was seeing for a longtime actually found out about this website and questioned me about it. She wasn't upset, but rather intrigued.

Here's what I told her: (It's obviously B.S.)

I was a founding member of sosuave.

I was invited to help start up this online community with some other guys, in the hopes that we can help guys become better men and in turn you women will reap the benefits.

I told her that there's no vodoo mind tricks involved... we are mostly all honest guys just trying to better oursleves, and it's no different than what you read in cosmo or some other girly magazine about how to snag the perfect man... just reversed.

She pretty much thought it was interesting and never pressed the issue anymore. every once in a while she would ask me if something I did with her was an idea I got from sosuave... of course she was always just teasing me. I didn't care, and always said of course not.

I'm undergoing such a transformation now, that I don't care anymore who finds out about my secret agenda. I'm leaning more towards the side of a PUA, now..... and once I snag the girl I'll be the Don Juan.

If a girl ever asks me if I'm a PUA I'll say very confidently.. "Yup! Born and Raised!" and walk off chuckling...

 

[spider_007]

there was a quiet a few experiences i wanted to share with this board & pictures, but i decided not to, for the same reason. As Far as i can tell there is nobody on this board from my city but Still, im uncomforatble about it....

And then there is the posibility of you picture spreding over the internat. I have no doubt that Dr. Beards picture will eventually end up on funnypic.com

I wish i knew some GOOD people offline that are into this stuff with whom i could discuss the game, and try things out. it sux doing it alone - no one to bounce the ideas off of on the spot....

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by spider_007
there was a quiet a few experiences i wanted to share with this board & pictures, but i decided not to, for the same reason. As Far as i can tell there is nobody on this board from my city but Still, im uncomforatble about it....

And then there is the posibility of you picture spreding over the internat. I have no doubt that Dr. Beards picture will eventually end up on funnypic.com

I wish i knew some GOOD people offline that are into this stuff with whom i could discuss the game, and try things out. it sux doing it alone - no one to bounce the ideas off of on the spot....

Heh, I'm In Halifax.... so according to a Canadian stereotype, we should know each other... haha

I got some friends in Windsor and if ever I'm heaqded that way I'll let you know. A night on the town would be a cool thing. Same thing goes if you're ever headed to the east coast, send me a pm.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian

I'm undergoing such a transformation now, that I don't care anymore who finds out about my secret agenda. I'm leaning more towards the side of a PUA, now..... and once I snag the girl I'll be the Don Juan.

If a girl ever asks me if I'm a PUA I'll say very confidently.. "Yup!
Born and Raised!" and walk off chuckling...

It has to do with age. When you are 20 quite a lots of pr*cks could start teasing you just for fun.
When you are 30 you don't care cuz no one cares...those pr*cks have grown up too.

And sure it is a good answer to a girls. So unfortunatly it is more of an issue for somebody who is a bit younger.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by al77
It has to do with age. When you are 20 quite a lots of pr*cks could start teasing you just for fun.
When you are 30 you don't care cuz no one cares...those pr*cks have grown up too.

And sure it is a good answer to a girls. So unfortunatly it is more of an issue for somebody who is a bit younger.

good point. I'm 27 so, I guess with age you start to care alot less about what others think.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
good point. I'm 27 so, I guess with age you start to care alot less about what others think.

Exactly. But the main thing is not even so much if we care what other thinks, the problem is younger dudes love to tease others, when older ones simple don't give a s*** about it.