Online profile revised...feedback appreciated

[STR8UP]

Been sitting on this for several months since I've been traveling and such but I wanna give online dating a shot. Might cut out a couple of parts but I'd say it's pretty good, whaddya think?
_______________________________________________

Yes, I do have a job! There's a story behind the username. Tried the rock star gig...that one lasted all of three weeks, so I decided to go into business and investing. Recently I was offered a business opportunity in eastern Europe- my trip there was unbelievable! Came back with some amazing pics and a newfound appreciation for Charmin. Russian t.p. can double as a brillo pad, just so you know. I'm relentless in the pursuit of my goals but I always manage to make time for a Key West sunset a couple of times per year. Where else can you drive a scooter around for a week without compromising your masculinity? I have been known to pitch a tent on my days off (camping, silly). Oh, and I'm pretty good at trying to catch fish too.


Do you have a passion for travel? A love for the ocean? The ability to show up a 300 pound biker in a jalapeno eating contest? Ok, ok, two out of three will do. At this point I couldn't ask for much more from life so meeting someone new is just icing on the cake whether it be a new travel buddy or something more. It's quite a shame the way many allow opportunities to pass them by. Hope you aren't one of them! I live to take chances, how about you?

 

[bman]

you didnt really tell about yourself.

 

[Starman]

heh some parts are funny..but it sounds like you are being interviewed for a job..

scrap the 1st paragraph..you dont need to talk about your trip to russia, your rockstar gig, past jobs/current jobs..it makes you sound like you are trying to bait women with your job and not YOU.

 

[TheCloser]

Yeah that sounds pretty good. Really adventerous. One thing you should do is throw in a little c/f somewhere. Just so you don't come across as a SWEET guy. yuck. other than that though...looks good.

 

[tamales]

You could also toss in something like (after you have cut it a lot shorter.) So that's a bit about me, now tell me why I should like you?"

I don't know. If I were posting an online ad mine would say," Gorgeous, smart, witty and utterly modest women seeking counterpart. Add some info about me. Keep it light and brief.. ie hobbies ect and then say, so tell me, why should I like you?"

Maybe it is stupid. I don't do online dating but keep it short. I don't think a real DJ tho would use this medium. I think meeting people the old fashion way is best. JMO tho.. Not always easy.

Good luck! And I liked the post but it was a little too perfect,,, you know. And mention what you look like. Hair color, height and wieght.. And be careful as to what pic you post. Please don't pose by your sports car or yacht

Good luck again!

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by bman
you didnt really tell about yourself.

Well, the whole point is to be unique. Never done the online thing but from what I understand it's more how you say it than what you say.

scrap the 1st paragraph..you dont need to talk about your trip to russia, your rockstar gig, past jobs/current jobs..it makes you sound like you are trying to bait women with your job and not YOU.

Sheesh, you guys are harsh. Not really trying to bait them with what I do, (the rockstar thing was a joke) it's just that what I do is pretty much who I am!

You could also toss in something like (after you have cut it a lot shorter.) So that's a bit about me, now tell me why I should like you?"

I like.

I don't know. If I were posting an online ad mine would say," Gorgeous, smart, witty and utterly modest women seeking counterpart. Add some info about me.

See thats the problem. Although I personally would give a lot of weight to a great profile, your avereage everyday neanderthal is gonna email the girls with the pretty pictures and toss out the rest. Listing facts may work for a woman. But unless you got movie star looks (my good looks are more like pro-wrestler good looks) that ain't gonna fly for a man.

I don't think a real DJ tho would use this medium. I think meeting people the old fashion way is best.

When I bartended I had more chicks around than I knew what to do with. Now that I am older and self employed my options are rather limited.

And I liked the post but it was a little too perfect,,, you know.

Too perfect huh? How would I go about changing that?

Please don't pose by your sports car or yacht

And what would lead you to believe I would own either one of these frivolous money pits?

I appreciate everyone's opinions so far.

 

[Bonhomme]

I like it.

"Frivolous money pits" LOL! So very true!

I like your ad text. It's witty, light, and doesn't tell *too much* about you.

*Mystery* attracts women, though a bit about your appearance may help if that's not already covered in the non-text part of the profile. Usually people assume the worst if nothing is said. I usually say something like "reasonably eye-friendly, with a trim, athletic build," for example. I'm sure you can figure out how to parlay your "pro wrestler good looks" into a positive spin without implying too much interest in pro wrestling.

The next part is to respond to women's profiles in the right way. What has always worked best for me is something witty but not *too* silly that has connotations of *your* high standards. "Worthy of further investigation" is the idea. Mention a specific thing or two in the profile. Most profiles have several conversation openers. Some mild teasing could work wonders, too.

Distinguish yourself from the 10,000 chumps who are professing their undying infatuation on the first email, and -- above all -- have a good, catchy subject line to ensure she *reads* your message. I've heard that reasonably hot women get so many messages they often just pick the interesting subject lines and delete the rest.

 

[Ronin I]

I like it too.

Definitely different than the usual AFC bullsh*t you'll see.

 

[Bud Wiser]

I like it. It's funny and just revealing enough to pique some interest. What the heck, run it as is and see what happens.

 

[thissucks003]

Don't change a thing. Just be prepared to not get the response that you may think you would get. That being, it is the personals and most of the quality is out in the field and the whatever's left will be the ones responding.

Good Luck,

TS

 

[STR8UP]

Posted it last night. Now I just have to photoshop the pic to get it under 200k and I'm in business.

Glad to hear the positive feedback. If it would have needed too many revisions I probably would have put it to the side for another six months.

This is a new deal to me so I'm curious to see what happens.

 

[Shadow Dancer]

I use personals quite often. Come home and I've got messages waiting for me. Can't beat that. heheh.

I've been doing this for about two years now. And for me, personally, I've found that it's best to be brief, a bit ****y, hard to get, vague but to the point. I used to list all my hobbies and stuff but got minimal results. I've tried many different approaches and found several that work really well for me. Remember to use pics if you got em. That is VERY important.


Anyway, Str8, that's my take on the onlines. I've learned that you need to have the attitude of your text and the vibe you give off in your pics congruent. If they clash, you won't make as big of an impact. I used to have a pic of me in an opened collared shirt with rolled up sleeves and slacks which is a pic that everyone seems to love. But it didn't go well with the text. I changed pics, using one that isn't as great, still good just not great, but it matches the attitude in my text. Much better response rate.

Hope things well for ya! And remember...PICS PICS PICS. You MUST GET MANY PICS of her!!! I didn't demand pics when I first started with personals. Just took their word for it when they said they looked good. NEVER AGAIN!!! haha

Yeah, so get as many pics as possible.



-Shadow

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Shadow Dancer
I've learned that you need to have the attitude of your text and the vibe you give off in your pics congruent. If they clash, you won't make as big of an impact.

I think my pics are strong. The main one I set up just for the profile. I have a "show me what you got" look on my face...it's pretty good. I also have two more, one of me in the mountains (showing my rugged manly side) and the other of me in a club (showing the more refined side of me) with dressier clothes. I guess I'll have to experiment.

And although I haven't used a dating site I have met a few chicks thru chatrooms in the past, and I know what you mean about the pics. Only one of them that didn't produce a pic was hot. Too bad the personality wasn't there.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

So did you cut it down? What's your latest version?

I've been thinkin about tryin online for the heck of it, but gonna give the speed dating a go first (looks fun but kinda scary).

Osc.

 

[Starman]

yo str8up..Lets see the "show me what you got"

picture..hehehe

I changed my picture and have been getting 3-4 responses a day

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Oscar Wilde
So did you cut it down? What's your latest version?

Nah left it pretty much the way you see it.

yo str8up..Lets see the "show me what you got"

picture..hehehe

If you want to see it that bad shoot me a p/m with your email.