T Dog
Master Don Juan
Do a search under the name Big Bill. He had several good posts covering this every topic
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Online Personals (Merged threads)
- Thread starter Komodo
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
PlayerinTraining
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 16, 2002
- Messages
- 335
- Reaction score
- 4
A GOOD, FREE internet matchmaking site is a contradiction in terms.
Any free site is going to be littered with spammers from porn sites putting in phony ads. They are a waste of time.
If you really want to try internet personals, http://www.matchmaker.com and http://www.hotornot.com are fairly inexpensive, especially Hot or Not--it is the cheapest of them all.
Any free site is going to be littered with spammers from porn sites putting in phony ads. They are a waste of time.
If you really want to try internet personals, http://www.matchmaker.com and http://www.hotornot.com are fairly inexpensive, especially Hot or Not--it is the cheapest of them all.
corruptrelic
Senior Don Juan
There aren't too many free online services left. And the ones that are free, the male to female ratio is about 3000000 to 1.
If you try free services: www.matchdoctor.com www.datingclub.com www.blinddatetv.com www.love.org
I've met a few girls on them but nothing really worth wild.
If you want to give online dating a try (I know I'm going to be alone on this) then try one like www.match.com or the yahoo personals, there are tons of women on there and when you pay - you are one of the few guys who emails them.
I joined yahoo for one month and ended up getting 2 months free. In that time, I emaile about 400 girls. (Cut & paste emails - I'm getting my money's worth.)
Out of the 400, about 75 of them replied. Out of the 75, I met about 20 of them and still see a few of them on occassion. Dont really do online dating anymore though since they are so worried about meeting a guy online until they "get to know you better", isn't that the point of going on a date? Why put up a person ad if you dont plan on meeting anyone?
If you try free services: www.matchdoctor.com www.datingclub.com www.blinddatetv.com www.love.org
I've met a few girls on them but nothing really worth wild.
If you want to give online dating a try (I know I'm going to be alone on this) then try one like www.match.com or the yahoo personals, there are tons of women on there and when you pay - you are one of the few guys who emails them.
I joined yahoo for one month and ended up getting 2 months free. In that time, I emaile about 400 girls. (Cut & paste emails - I'm getting my money's worth.)
Out of the 400, about 75 of them replied. Out of the 75, I met about 20 of them and still see a few of them on occassion. Dont really do online dating anymore though since they are so worried about meeting a guy online until they "get to know you better", isn't that the point of going on a date? Why put up a person ad if you dont plan on meeting anyone?
Jeezus this freakin internet thing has created a society that thinks they deserve every damn thing handed to them for FREE.
You do realize that a website costs money to operate, don't you?
Nothing is free. You are either going to pay for it up front or thru having to look at a bunch of advertisements.
And learn how to put together a sentence.
You do realize that a website costs money to operate, don't you?
Nothing is free. You are either going to pay for it up front or thru having to look at a bunch of advertisements.
And learn how to put together a sentence.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
hahahah
its because they had met more ugly guys then hot guys.
thats what scared them and it scares me too.
i met a couple of girls that look hot in thier pic form the shoulder up. but when we met they wieght liek 300 pounds.
its because they had met more ugly guys then hot guys.
thats what scared them and it scares me too.
i met a couple of girls that look hot in thier pic form the shoulder up. but when we met they wieght liek 300 pounds.
corruptrelic
Senior Don Juan
I'll second what azn said, a lot of girls look good in their pictures but then in person, they have an added 50-150 pounds on them. ("Oh I forgot to mention that I gained 102 pounds since that picture!" - she tells you this in person of course.) That's why I never go through anything more than a coffee date with someone from online, keeping my $ to myself until I get the goods.
vudufixit
Don Juan
Need some help with an online -->offline meeting with a gal
Greetings, all:
I need assistance with a situation. I can sense
possibilities here, but I don't want to mess up.
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a woman in my area.
She just got divorced, and is somewhat older than I am.
It started two days ago with light conversation, then turned toward a computer problem.
I tried to help her out, but could not (it's tough talking people through instructions sometimes).
She said, "I'm putting you on my buddy list" I put her on mine.
During that first conversation, it should be noted that she asked me a few times for a picture. I didn't have one to send.
We talked again last night, rather late (around 11:00 PM). She said, "still no pic, eh?" and when I asked for hers first she said only if I sent mine first. So I had to scan a picture and send it.
She liked my picture a lot, and I liked hers a lot.
After I complimented her on her pic, a long unfcomfortable silence went by, and I waited.
Her first reply was, "so when are you coming over to fix my computer?"
I said, how about Wednesday (New Year's Day), because I had some other stuff to do Tues and didn't want to seem too anxious.
Then, my parents call me this morning to remind them that I'm supposed to spend most of New Year's Day with them.
Now, our original plan was that I was simply going to call her on Wed, then come over. She stated that she might be hung over (which would indicate that she's not too likely to use that as an excuse to not be available). Fine.
But I decided to be proactive and give her a call first, to fix a time after I was done visiting the folks.
She picked up, sounded surprised and glad to hear from me. But she declares some discomfiture with just having some stranger come over she never met.
I suggested meeting at a nice local cafe, and then realized it might be closed on New Year's Day. So I told her, "OK - I'll call them to find out, and then get back to you."
They are open that day, so I figured it would be smoother to wait, possibly until much later on today, to call her back and let her know the place is available.
My question to this board is: what does her interest level look like? What can I do right, or avoid doing wrong to not
mess this up?
I'm trying to avoid rescheduling too much further into the week, because her kids are coming home from the Ex's house.
Thanks to all in advance who read through this so far
Greetings, all:
I need assistance with a situation. I can sense
possibilities here, but I don't want to mess up.
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a woman in my area.
She just got divorced, and is somewhat older than I am.
It started two days ago with light conversation, then turned toward a computer problem.
I tried to help her out, but could not (it's tough talking people through instructions sometimes).
She said, "I'm putting you on my buddy list" I put her on mine.
During that first conversation, it should be noted that she asked me a few times for a picture. I didn't have one to send.
We talked again last night, rather late (around 11:00 PM). She said, "still no pic, eh?" and when I asked for hers first she said only if I sent mine first. So I had to scan a picture and send it.
She liked my picture a lot, and I liked hers a lot.
After I complimented her on her pic, a long unfcomfortable silence went by, and I waited.
Her first reply was, "so when are you coming over to fix my computer?"
I said, how about Wednesday (New Year's Day), because I had some other stuff to do Tues and didn't want to seem too anxious.
Then, my parents call me this morning to remind them that I'm supposed to spend most of New Year's Day with them.
Now, our original plan was that I was simply going to call her on Wed, then come over. She stated that she might be hung over (which would indicate that she's not too likely to use that as an excuse to not be available). Fine.
But I decided to be proactive and give her a call first, to fix a time after I was done visiting the folks.
She picked up, sounded surprised and glad to hear from me. But she declares some discomfiture with just having some stranger come over she never met.
I suggested meeting at a nice local cafe, and then realized it might be closed on New Year's Day. So I told her, "OK - I'll call them to find out, and then get back to you."
They are open that day, so I figured it would be smoother to wait, possibly until much later on today, to call her back and let her know the place is available.
My question to this board is: what does her interest level look like? What can I do right, or avoid doing wrong to not
mess this up?
I'm trying to avoid rescheduling too much further into the week, because her kids are coming home from the Ex's house.
Thanks to all in advance who read through this so far
griffin_mill
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2002
- Messages
- 93
- Reaction score
- 0
Re: Need some help with an online -->offline meeting with a gal
You need to wait a few days to assess her interest level. Come on-line and see who talks to who first, etc. But you need to meet this one asap. Phone her up in a few days after this hectic holiday schedule. Arrange a day to meet - be perceptive to flakiness. If she goes on like a whiney Oprah clone about you possibly being a homocidal maniac - don't waste your time.
I know a guy who f*cks girls off the net on a regular basis. And he's an ugly mutt. So are they though. Me - I've had nothing but trauma. Stick to Real Life, it's actually easier and the girls come with less baggage.
My own experience dictates never get emotionally involved with a girl you met via the internet. Use them all as f*ck baubles then get the hell out of dodge. That's if you eventually meet them - which is in itself sometimes very difficult to arrange.Originally posted by vudufixit
Greetings, all:
I need assistance with a situation. I can sense
possibilities here, but I don't want to mess up.
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a woman in my area.
She just got divorced, and is somewhat older than I am.
It started two days ago with light conversation, then turned toward a computer problem.
I tried to help her out, but could not (it's tough talking people through instructions sometimes).
She said, "I'm putting you on my buddy list" I put her on mine.
During that first conversation, it should be noted that she asked me a few times for a picture. I didn't have one to send.
We talked again last night, rather late (around 11:00 PM). She said, "still no pic, eh?" and when I asked for hers first she said only if I sent mine first. So I had to scan a picture and send it.
She liked my picture a lot, and I liked hers a lot.
After I complimented her on her pic, a long unfcomfortable silence went by, and I waited.
Her first reply was, "so when are you coming over to fix my computer?"
I said, how about Wednesday (New Year's Day), because I had some other stuff to do Tues and didn't want to seem too anxious.
Then, my parents call me this morning to remind them that I'm supposed to spend most of New Year's Day with them.
Now, our original plan was that I was simply going to call her on Wed, then come over. She stated that she might be hung over (which would indicate that she's not too likely to use that as an excuse to not be available). Fine.
But I decided to be proactive and give her a call first, to fix a time after I was done visiting the folks.
She picked up, sounded surprised and glad to hear from me. But she declares some discomfiture with just having some stranger come over she never met.
I suggested meeting at a nice local cafe, and then realized it might be closed on New Year's Day. So I told her, "OK - I'll call them to find out, and then get back to you."
They are open that day, so I figured it would be smoother to wait, possibly until much later on today, to call her back and let her know the place is available.
My question to this board is: what does her interest level look like? What can I do right, or avoid doing wrong to not
mess this up?
I'm trying to avoid rescheduling too much further into the week, because her kids are coming home from the Ex's house.
Thanks to all in advance who read through this so far
You need to wait a few days to assess her interest level. Come on-line and see who talks to who first, etc. But you need to meet this one asap. Phone her up in a few days after this hectic holiday schedule. Arrange a day to meet - be perceptive to flakiness. If she goes on like a whiney Oprah clone about you possibly being a homocidal maniac - don't waste your time.
I know a guy who f*cks girls off the net on a regular basis. And he's an ugly mutt. So are they though. Me - I've had nothing but trauma. Stick to Real Life, it's actually easier and the girls come with less baggage.
vudufixit
Don Juan
My reply
Thanks, Griffin, some good insights there.
Most women I've seen from 'net meetings aren't that hot.
But this one is very very cute.
I'll take your advice.
Anyone else care to chime in?
Thanks, Griffin, some good insights there.
Most women I've seen from 'net meetings aren't that hot.
But this one is very very cute.
I'll take your advice.
Anyone else care to chime in?
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Batman407
Don Juan
I've had plenty of success in meeting them in person, just by straight out getting a picture then a number. They all turned out a little crazy... the reason they were looking for guys to date online.
I met one who lived really close to me, she by far is the coolest girl I know. I met up with her several times over the summer, she's invited me over to her college to spend the night and get drunk with them three times too. I never bothered with her since she had a borefriend... but I KNOW she's hella attracted to me. I use her as my #1 ego boost and she's always free to do something if I'm bored. I ought to make her a FB.
So chicks online isn't entirely futile. If you're just learning the game, then the internet is the BEST place to practice before getting out in the real world. But honestly, your chances of finding the best chicks are 100% better in real life.... unless you're talking to chicks online who go to the same school as you, it makes meeting new people alot easier.
I met one who lived really close to me, she by far is the coolest girl I know. I met up with her several times over the summer, she's invited me over to her college to spend the night and get drunk with them three times too. I never bothered with her since she had a borefriend... but I KNOW she's hella attracted to me. I use her as my #1 ego boost and she's always free to do something if I'm bored. I ought to make her a FB.
So chicks online isn't entirely futile. If you're just learning the game, then the internet is the BEST place to practice before getting out in the real world. But honestly, your chances of finding the best chicks are 100% better in real life.... unless you're talking to chicks online who go to the same school as you, it makes meeting new people alot easier.
vudufixit
Don Juan
Hmmm...
I've never been a big supporter of looking for people to meet online.
Tried it a few times, didn't like the results.
Every time I had a great relationship, it started with a real-life encounter first.
That said, I got a good vibe from this person's profile, and we talked easily and the interest level grew quickly for both of us.
I've never been a big supporter of looking for people to meet online.
Tried it a few times, didn't like the results.
Every time I had a great relationship, it started with a real-life encounter first.
That said, I got a good vibe from this person's profile, and we talked easily and the interest level grew quickly for both of us.
griffin_mill
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2002
- Messages
- 93
- Reaction score
- 0
Re: Hmmm...
But all in all, I find it a lot of work. When it comes time to meet it's flake-city - and there's all that time spent chatting to them. And it's wholly superficial - regardless if we were both friends in another life and she nursed me back to health in WW1, it all comes down to the blurry mugshot.
The girl I would consider one of my dearest and fondest friends I met on-line. Also had a f*ck-buddy from the net.Originally posted by vudufixit
I've never been a big supporter of looking for people to meet online.
Tried it a few times, didn't like the results.
Every time I had a great relationship, it started with a real-life encounter first.
That said, I got a good vibe from this person's profile, and we talked easily and the interest level grew quickly for both of us.
But all in all, I find it a lot of work. When it comes time to meet it's flake-city - and there's all that time spent chatting to them. And it's wholly superficial - regardless if we were both friends in another life and she nursed me back to health in WW1, it all comes down to the blurry mugshot.
DJinArizona
Senior Don Juan
I've had some good luck with it - not necessarily better than real life, but the chicks I met from online had their lives together more than chicks from bars or clubs ever did. It's true though that no matter what kind of b.s. they tell you or put in their personal ads about what kind of guy they want, it all comes down to your picture. One chick I know always talks about wanting a sweet, respectful, considerate guy and how she'd even date an overweight guy if he treated her great. Then she went and did the internet personals and emailed the three best-looking ads she found. So much for "looks don't matter."
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
corruptrelic
Senior Don Juan
vudu, (I could have sworn I replied to this!) you can't tell a girl's IL in you just from talking to her in a little chat box. In order to find that out, you HAVE to see her in the real world, where you can stop touching the keyboard and start touching her instead. I'd suggest a new date, let her know I'm not going to wait around for her (getting the message to her that my life goes on regardless, I'm busy.. and if she wants to join me in the real world, great, if not, no big deal, her loss) and see if she's up for it or not. Stay away from talking online because you're killing all the mystery about yourself, save all the "just talk" for in person, where you can have your arm around her, touch her, be close, etc. while you are talking to her. Online you risk becoming a "chat buddy" and there's nothing you can do about it, in the real world, you don't give her a chance to see as a chat buddy/friend because your actions are telling her otherwise. (And obviously if she doesn't respond positively to them, then she has low or no IL in you, but plenty of other women will have high IL, so move on to the next one and have fun.)
By the way a coffee date - nice idea to suggest it to her. If she's not comfortable meeting you for that, then take a walk, and let her know it. (Chances are if she has any interest in you from online - she's going to change her mind when she sees you aren't sticking around for her to decide how she feels.) If you don't get that message across to her, you'll seem weak and that you're going to stick around forever as a chat friend and maybe some day (when she feels like it) you'll meet. Online dating - I also had some luck with it.. actually a lot of luck (or success would be a better word) you just need to meet online, and in the first day or the first few emails, set up the date and not let the "just talking" drag on for too long.
Also I second keeping your emotions out of this, online or offline.. always letting her becoming emotionally involved with you first, if she doesn't come to you first and you fall for her, (this happened to me by the way - from a girl I met online) you risk one-itis.. and that's a painful disease!
By the way a coffee date - nice idea to suggest it to her. If she's not comfortable meeting you for that, then take a walk, and let her know it. (Chances are if she has any interest in you from online - she's going to change her mind when she sees you aren't sticking around for her to decide how she feels.) If you don't get that message across to her, you'll seem weak and that you're going to stick around forever as a chat friend and maybe some day (when she feels like it) you'll meet. Online dating - I also had some luck with it.. actually a lot of luck (or success would be a better word) you just need to meet online, and in the first day or the first few emails, set up the date and not let the "just talking" drag on for too long.
Also I second keeping your emotions out of this, online or offline.. always letting her becoming emotionally involved with you first, if she doesn't come to you first and you fall for her, (this happened to me by the way - from a girl I met online) you risk one-itis.. and that's a painful disease!
vudufixit
Don Juan
Hmmm...
I think you've actually amplified my points.
This thing between her and I has actually moved
along pretty quickly. It really wasn't long
before she was suggesting I come over to
fix her machine.
I don't think there is much risk in her classifying
me as a "chat friend" since we're meeting after
only two brief online sessions. She asked
me for my pic in both of them, and also
mentioned my coming over twice - first
time sort of kiddingly, the second time
for certain.
I guess I posted originally to ask how to
make optimal use of the coffee date, and not
"f" anything up.
I thank you all for your responses so far.
I suppose I'll know soon enough where we stand.
I think you've actually amplified my points.
This thing between her and I has actually moved
along pretty quickly. It really wasn't long
before she was suggesting I come over to
fix her machine.
I don't think there is much risk in her classifying
me as a "chat friend" since we're meeting after
only two brief online sessions. She asked
me for my pic in both of them, and also
mentioned my coming over twice - first
time sort of kiddingly, the second time
for certain.
I guess I posted originally to ask how to
make optimal use of the coffee date, and not
"f" anything up.
I thank you all for your responses so far.
I suppose I'll know soon enough where we stand.
Check out your competition on some of the online dating sites.
I decided to check out the competition on an online dating website. So I looked at guys in the nearby area.
This is more or less what someone in my area wrote. GAG. I will be composing my own ****y and funny ad. Ad follows:
How would you describe yourself?
I am considered to be one of those "too nice" guys. I am a believer in storybook love, love at first sight and that love is the center of all things. I am a dreamer that dreams of a truly passionate/intimate unconditional eternal love. I am a very intensely passionate, intimate and sensual person. I love to cuddle, caress, kiss and touch. I do not think that it is too much to wish for the fairy tale. I believe that it exists and that everyone has the right to search for and live in it.
Describe the person you would like to meet.
I would like to meet a Lady who is very similar. I would like her to be just as passionate, intimate and sensual as I am. I would like her to sink into my touch as I would hers. I would like to her to melt under my tender kiss as I would hers. I enjoy, above all things, just being with my Lady. What we do or where we go is of no concern to me. As long as I am with my Lady then I have all that I need. I am just looking for a Lady that has the infinately open mind and heart it might take to love me as I would love her.
OH MY GOD IS THAT THE WORLDS BIGGEST AFC OR WHAT!
I decided to check out the competition on an online dating website. So I looked at guys in the nearby area.
This is more or less what someone in my area wrote. GAG. I will be composing my own ****y and funny ad. Ad follows:
How would you describe yourself?
I am considered to be one of those "too nice" guys. I am a believer in storybook love, love at first sight and that love is the center of all things. I am a dreamer that dreams of a truly passionate/intimate unconditional eternal love. I am a very intensely passionate, intimate and sensual person. I love to cuddle, caress, kiss and touch. I do not think that it is too much to wish for the fairy tale. I believe that it exists and that everyone has the right to search for and live in it.
Describe the person you would like to meet.
I would like to meet a Lady who is very similar. I would like her to be just as passionate, intimate and sensual as I am. I would like her to sink into my touch as I would hers. I would like to her to melt under my tender kiss as I would hers. I enjoy, above all things, just being with my Lady. What we do or where we go is of no concern to me. As long as I am with my Lady then I have all that I need. I am just looking for a Lady that has the infinately open mind and heart it might take to love me as I would love her.
OH MY GOD IS THAT THE WORLDS BIGGEST AFC OR WHAT!
NiceGuysFinishLast
Senior Don Juan
sounds like something i wrote to a girl my freshman year of highschool... omg, that is funny and very sad at the same time... lol
Crr0298
Don Juan
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha................................wwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhheeeeeeewwwwwwhhhhhh..aahh!
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.