Online dating

[wunnaBsmooth]

I'm having a horrible time trying to get this online dating thing to workout!
In the long distant past, when I had the time to spend all d*mn day chatting, I had 0 problems hitting up, chatting and ultimately dating hotties I'd met online. (but that was 10 years ago)
Since have been dedicating myself to my career, it doesn't leave a lot of time for it, so those days of spending hours upon hours online are gone.

After having almost 0 positive responses in 25 or 30 or maybe 40 messages (over a few months), I decided I needed a New approach. One that I was less "invested" in. That way, I didn't care about the outcome so much.
So I came here to sosuave, and searched.I found this thread
It seemed that the OP was getting some responses, so I plagiarized -cut and pasted his message (Thank you Bill). Changed a few things to make seem less generic or Spam oriented then began sending it off. So far to about 50 ladies. (Being careful not to send it to the same one twice.)
Wouldn't you know it? Responses started coming in. Mixed responses from "You're awsome!" to "You seem like too much of a handful for me!". WAY More responses than I had gotten while writing personalized emails to every chic I'd hit up before. (I vow never to write a personalized "hello" message ever again! --lol)
But here's where I have a problem. I get writer's block when I'm trying to reply to those negative sounding emails. If her response is positive, it's easy to move forward and I can usually score a phone number and a date.
It's the ones that seem to be throwing an immediate sh*t test that are the problem. How can I blast through that? I can't just blow it off to talk about something else, because there's nothing else going yet. And doing so would seem a little goofy.
I want to bust on these chics. But everything I'm coming up with seems too mean or too wussified.... Ahhhhhhh! What do I do?
Or am I guilty of becoming too "invested" in the outcome again?

 

[Radninja]

There's no magic trick or shortcut to interaction with women. You don't know how to reply because you didn't write the original message. These girls are responding to that message, and you're trying to delude yourself and them into thinking that you're that guy. You are not. If you don't want to personalize your messages to girls, fine. But write the damn generic thing yourself! Do you know who you are and what you stand for? How about what makes you happy? Do you know your standards? Stay congruent to yourself.

Also, I'm assuming that you approach women on the street and in social settings and ask them out on dates. Right? If you are just relying on online dating, you are the one who is living in the fantasy world. Online dating should be about no expectations meeting people with whom you can vibe. Training for real world approaches. If you aren't doing the second part, you are lost in the same matrix that your plagerized email to girls purports to transcend.

 

[jonwon]

I'm having a horrible time trying to get this online dating thing to workout!
In the long distant past, when I had the time to spend all d*mn day chatting, I had 0 problems hitting up, chatting and ultimately dating hotties I'd met online. (but that was 10 years ago)
Since have been dedicating myself to my career, it doesn't leave a lot of time for it, so those days of spending hours upon hours online are gone.

After having almost 0 positive responses in 25 or 30 or maybe 40 messages (over a few months), I decided I needed a New approach. One that I was less "invested" in. That way, I didn't care about the outcome so much.
So I came here to sosuave, and searched.I found this thread
It seemed that the OP was getting some responses, so I plagiarized -cut and pasted his message (Thank you Bill). Changed a few things to make seem less generic or Spam oriented then began sending it off. So far to about 50 ladies. (Being careful not to send it to the same one twice.)
Wouldn't you know it? Responses started coming in. Mixed responses from "You're awsome!" to "You seem like too much of a handful for me!". WAY More responses than I had gotten while writing personalized emails to every chic I'd hit up before. (I vow never to write a personalized "hello" message ever again! --lol)
But here's where I have a problem. I get writer's block when I'm trying to reply to those negative sounding emails. If her response is positive, it's easy to move forward and I can usually score a phone number and a date.
It's the ones that seem to be throwing an immediate sh*t test that are the problem. How can I blast through that? I can't just blow it off to talk about something else, because there's nothing else going yet. And doing so would seem a little goofy.
I want to bust on these chics. But everything I'm coming up with seems too mean or too wussified.... Ahhhhhhh! What do I do?
Or am I guilty of becoming too "invested" in the outcome again?

I think your problem is in the title.

 

[wunnaBsmooth]

There's no magic trick or shortcut to interaction with women. You don't know how to reply because you didn't write the original message.

Dude!? Did you read the whole post?
I don't have problems responding to the positive replies. I'm talking about busting through what could either be sh*t tests or simply rock bottom interest level. Only the girls who see themselves as high value are writing negative responses.
Yes. Of course, I approach in RL.
What is mean to be constructive about your reply?

 

[Colossus]

How can I blast through that? I can't just blow it off to talk about something else, because there's nothing else going yet. And doing so would seem a little goofy.
I want to bust on these chics. But everything I'm coming up with seems too mean or too wussified.... Ahhhhhhh! What do I do?
Or am I guilty of becoming too "invested" in the outcome again?

In short, yes.

Online dating can be productive, but it depends on the site and it depends on how you play it. The first thing I will tell you is DO NOT RESPOND TO NEGATIVE EMAILS!!

The energy and time you spend trying to "turn around" a negative response will be far better spent following up with girls who give you a POSITIVE response. Remember Anti-Dump's secret to success? He only dealt with interested women. So simple, so effective.

Women are flaky, and this is doubly so for online dating. A lot of guys who do this are straight-up creepos (you would not believe the stories), and naturally girls are pretty selective about who they will meet up with. My rule is less is more. You want to be creative and witty, but not in a way that is verbose or over-eager. Seriously, a "hello" email should be no more than a sentence or two!! A whole paragraph about all the things you have in common is just going to reek of desperation. Remember, you are an interesting, busy guy; you just want to tell her she's cute and say hi. THEN, if they follow up positively, you can start to segue into a meetup. The best way to do this is over the course of a few emails, to build comfort. Dont ask for her number. She'll give it to you if she wants you to have it. You want her to be reasonably sure you arent another perv from the interwebz. Dont be apologetic or wussy either, just play it cool.

 

[Kailex]

Okay, I'm tired of responding to every single Online Dating thread here (There is a thread in the Archive for this, btw), but I'll respond to this one... specifically because of the "creepo" factor mentioned.

I have actually been part of a dating site, and it was a very nice social experiment that ALMOST rendered my self-esteem in a coma due to a mortal blow from various women.

Do NOT expect to get contacted right away by a woman you spent time crafting a personal email to. You're guy #34 in their day that is emailing them. And most of them, don't log in for days, so when they do log in, there are 98 guys who want to go out with them.

I actually met someone from Match.com who said that any email starting with "Hello" and the guy had a so-so picture, she'd automatically delete.

Cruel, isn't it?

I'd say that in 3 months of "trying this out" I went out with approximately 15 different women. About 5 to 8 of them resulted in being "third date flakes". Some of them became "Two week F-Buddies" and one of them ended up being an internet stalker (long story). And the funny part of all of this was... my WORST first date from Match.com is actually the girl I am currently seeing still, even after it expired.

What I will tell you is this... it took time and practice to get down the art of emailing and selecting and responding and asking for a phone number... which led me to the conclusion that I'd rather do it in person and never again on an online dating service. I'd rather take 10 minutes talking to someone in person and asking them out and knowing whether there is interest or not than spending a week emailing back and forth.

Now, to be honest, the ONE person that I am still seeing... the whole exchanged went down great because I saw one of RoyalFlyness' videos about not wasting too much time emailing EVERYTHING but just going through 2 or 3 emails to build up enough comfort to get a number and then set up a date through the phone.

My big mistake at first was that I'd email some of these women for 2 weeks and by then, they knew EVERYTHING about me... so why would they date me? There was no mystery, no intrigue.

Don't waste your time on the negatives. It's just time-wasting and time-consuming to do so.

So all in all, to me online dating is more effort than there is a pay-off, which is kinda sad. Because right off the bat, we are giving the woman a sense of empowerment by giving THEM the choice of which men to go out with. I can't say that online dating has much more pros than meeting someone in person... but I'd say that online dating is something to do on the side. It shouldn't be your focus at all.

 

[Colossus]

...which led me to the conclusion that I'd rather do it in person and never again on an online dating service. I'd rather take 10 minutes talking to someone in person and asking them out and knowing whether there is interest or not than spending a week emailing back and forth.

Agreed. I actually got a fair amount of emails from women, which is pretty much a guaranteed date if they are cute. Good life experience, but by the end of that phase I was just cynical and mean.

It's so easy to just walk up to a girl and chat, rather than do the email jerk-off for a week, only to find out she isn't that cute after all.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Internet dating can be grueling indeed, but you have to like any thing else exercise patience. It is true that average a$$ women have the advantage using these sites because even they get bombarded with emails from the chumps. With that said, it makes their precious little ego inflate and even over play their cards.

When I get off my rear and try internet dating which is off and on, I do not rapid shot generic emails (had a friend that did this and was busted out by two women doing it) but I send emails to ones that spark my interest. I find that many of these women will throw their number without you even asking for it... and when it happens all of a sudden it gets me to start thinking what I am dealing with.

Just remember, those stupid commercials make it look easy, but nothing beats face to face. It is not uncommon that women become extremely picky and in person you know that she is not in your league. Meaning you could do better.

Look around for several months on sites and you will see the same flakes on the sites. If the sites were doing as they were intended to, these women would be married and have kids by that time... Meaning, many use the sites for that quick ego builder. Even though guys like us are really trying to use it for its intended purpose.

Good luck!!!

 

[mrRuckus]

It's complete crap. A bunch of women who are beneath you whining that there aren't any good guys while good guys like you email them and they ignore you or respond with 6 words.

They're too fvcking stupid to know when a great guy is talking to them because they filter you out based on stupid criteria.

The same girls that would ignore me online would follow me around like a puppy dog after a few min conversation in a bar.

The one great girl out of 50 on there isn't worth the effort to filter through the rest of the filth who can't spell.

I could, as a strong, attractive muscular dude, email a fat chick who has next to no ability to get men ever, get blown out of water easily just by her stupid whim.

This isn't bitterness or sour grapes or anything... i've met a number of fun girls i've liked to hang out with through those methods. It's just such a huge pain in the ass anymore. I think it's gotten worse because now every joker does it. I remember back when getting on myspace and hooking up was way easy before every AFC in the phonebook started scaring the women off of it. Then they started hiding their profiles.

 

[wunnaBsmooth]

Now THOSE are replies I can use!

Thanks for the constructive replies guys!
I have been finding that these date sites really are full of the same ladies over and over too. When you say that they are really in it for their ego, it all makes sense!
I just thought I could augment my game a little (add a couple of easy plates) by using the online thing since I really didn't have to to put a lot into it....lol guess I've blown that out by even caring enough to post here.
I do appreciate the feedback!

back to RL....

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Good responses.

I would add the following ten rules:

1. Use brevity in profile
2. Use humor in profile. Always always stay positive.
3. Use brevity in first contact. First email should include something completely off the wall about their profile to catch their attention.
4. Don't log on every 5 minutes, on weekends, or during work hours. It reeks of desperation.
5. Per 4 above, I know you can troll a number of dating sites without ever logging on. You can even prepare responses ahead of time before you join.
6. Track certain targets on sites, they may be players - they are the ones that are constantly logged on, constantly within 24 hours, or that have been members for years. Remember a lot of women don't pay to join these sites, they let the men pay in order to contact them.
7. When you snag a response from a hottie, wait 2-3 days to respond.
8. Don't waste your time writing love novels back and forth. By the second or third exchange max, arrange to get her number.
9. At least 2-3 pics before meeting, unless she is in the same neigborhood - then you might be able to take more chances.
10. Never ever mention her looks or how hot she is in email responses.


This based on 7 years of experience online prior to my current relationship; and dates (and hookups) with some total MILFs that I had a few years ago mentioned they got over 500 responses to their profile in less than a month.