online dating: post your red flag profiles here!

[rbd]

Ok guys, let's do a fun game. Post an online dating profile here that brought up some red flags for you. Then either state what the red flags were, or give your own translation of it. The goal here is both for fun and to help other spot red flags better. Obviously, no identifying details in the profiles, but that shouldn't be an issue with how 99% of them are written.

I'll start out first: Here's one I just saw on match that brought up a ton of red flags (I've highlighted them below). First thing, the girl had 25 pictures on her profile, with her being the center of attention in nearly every one. Whenever I see that, "histrionic" is the first thing that comes to mind. She's attractive, I'd say a 7.5. In each one, she had this big fake smile, and many of them were her with her over-primped dogs, and she had trophies and awards with them. Definitely a winner!

Here's her profile, along with my translations:

I am easy going, smart, driven, spunky, independent and weird. I have been hurt way too many times and am looking for the real deal. I am extremely compassionate and when I'm in a relationship I give it my all. But, I expect the same in return. I have a lot of love to give. Just need the right person.

My interpretation:
I am OCD, manipulative, erratic, co-dependent and crazy. Because I am a crazy b1tch, I got myself into way too many bad situations, and am looking for some fantasy guy with some impossibly long checklist of things (but will settle for an AFC that makes me feel good, until I get bored of him). I am extremely insecure and when I'm in a relationship I will totally cling and become co-dependent. But, I expect you to fawn me with attention. I have a lot of love to give -- and if you don't take it I'll get pissed off and cut your tires. Just need to find the AFC who doesn't spot the red flags.

I need someone who is open minded, strong, determined, caring, and thoughtful. I'll admit that I like to be spoiled. But who doesnt? Communication is key in a relationship. Therefore I am most interested in someone who is willing to be friends first.

I need someone who is gullible, weak, compromising, caring (of me, yay), and thoughtful (of me, yay again!). Of course I like to be spoiled, you fvcking idiot. Me communicating and you listening is key in a relationship. Therefore I am most interested in someone who is willing to fawn me with attention, listen to me whine, and buy me things, all without me having to give up sex or commit too much.

I'm looking for adventure as well as someone who will be a consistent means of support in my life. I need someone is established and successful but not a workaholic.

I'm an open book so questions are welcome.

I'm looking for causing adventure and since I'm so crazy, I need someone who will be constantly there to deal with me in my life. I need someone who is not as crazy and has a life, so that I can feel some significance when I cling on to him. However, no workaholics, as he HAS to have enough time for ME (but of course).

Since I'm histrionic, I love talking about myself, so PLEASE ask me questions and fawn me with attention.

Oh, and I almost forgot: ME ME ME ME ME.

 

[logic1]

Ok guys, let's do a fun game. Post an online dating profile here that brought up some red flags for you.

All of them:crackup:

 

[Desdinova]

This one has been pursuing me:

I'm slowly getting my life back together after getting out of a abusive relationship and trying to get my 3 youngest babies out of CFS care... In total I have 5 kids who I love very much.
My 2 oldest kids live with their dad.

Look no further than the picture:

http://winnipeg.en.craigslist.ca/w4m/2143092198.html

 

[Bluntmaster]

This one has been pursuing me:



Look no further than the picture:

http://winnipeg.en.craigslist.ca/w4m/2143092198.html

She belongs in a pasture chewing grass.

 

[Jamo]

This one has been pursuing me:



Look no further than the picture:

http://winnipeg.en.craigslist.ca/w4m/2143092198.html

Is that a water buffalo or a hippo with bad skin?

 

[Bluntmaster]

Look at this one. Any skinny dudes want to hit her up?

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/w4m/2157521646.html

 

[Jamo]

Look at this one. Any skinny dudes want to hit her up?

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/w4m/2157521646.html

The black T in the middle of the picture makes her look hot? :rockon:

 

[jonwon]

This one has been pursuing me:



Look no further than the picture:

http://winnipeg.en.craigslist.ca/w4m/2143092198.html

What strikes me most, like a 10-pound sledge hammer to the face, is the shopping list of the man she actually thinks she is entitled to.

The no Spammers and no players tag at the bottom just made me spit out my coffee.

She loves her ample curves also, I really wonder what goes through the minds of people like this I really do.

 

[DropZone3]

I really like your interpretations Rbd .

 

[DMSR76]

Man this thread is hilarious. LMAO @ the OP's translations.

 

[Nemic]

I think you can find a red flag in almost any conversation, or profile of any woman out there you interact with. For some reason they think by posting what they think they want will make it magically happen. Their knight in shining armor will come and sweep, and then subsequently bore them off their feet, adding yet another line of crap that we'll see as a red flag to their profile in the next round.

edit: OP, great reads though

 

[KarmaSutra]

Anyone who has "Single Mother" or has children, are completely outside of my limit.

Never date a single Mother. She's too much hassle to contend with.

Some of you inexperienced to this game will say, "but Karma, I just want to fvck her!" To this I say, find yourself a single woman who's never been married. Women who're always Bridesmaids are the best lovers. They don't know what it is to settle after being married.

Once a woman is married she has the Court system to back up her contention that her man is trapped, and unable to readily leave the bond the band on her finger represents.

Des,
That beast in the photo's; isn't that what made Gandalf go from Grey to White?

:rockon:

 

[scrouds]

How about this response off of okcupid to my canned opener:

Hi Scrouds
Thanks for the laughs. I like to make people laugh too. Makes me happy to know I made someone laugh. I've been through some rough times and laughter has been whats got me through it.

Dee.


first things out of her mouth: i got issues. Oy

 

[Desdinova]

Des,
That beast in the photo's; isn't that what made Gandalf go from Grey to White?

I don't know who Gandalf is, but that woman has absolutely no right to look for a quality man when she herself is a rotting pile of slob.

At least Mrs. T in Bluntmaster's link isn't putting down specifics for an ideal mate.

 

[Bluntmaster]

I don't know who Gandalf is, but that woman has absolutely no right to look for a quality man when she herself is a rotting pile of slob.

At least Mrs. T in Bluntmaster's link isn't putting down specifics for an ideal mate.

She wants a skinny dude, and she's a heffer.

 

[Desdinova]

She wants a skinny dude, and she's a heffer.

Okay, so she's a hypocrite. But she doesn't seem to specify him to make good coin, have good hygene, or own a moving van to haul her Loch-Ness ass around.

 

[Bluntmaster]

Okay, so she's a hypocrite. But she doesn't seem to specify him to make good coin, have good hygene, or own a moving van to haul her Loch-Ness ass around.

That was just the first profile that came up. I agree, yours is better. I will post more as I see them. This is fun.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

She belongs in a pasture chewing grass.

LOL dam blunt u made me laugh bahahahaha....

 

[The Duke]

From a 27yo HB8 who has never been married:
i have been single for 2 years, im a single mom of 3 sweet babies, 8,4 and 2. i work and go to school right now. lol i will always be in school..... im a girly girl, so i love all the usual girl things, shopping, makeup, shoes, louis vuitton, lip glass, and diamonds lol some i also love books, and flowers... lol j/k. i really dont read that often but i like to have the books around..., i have always wanted a big close family, thats really important to me. i want to have big christmas's that are crazy fun and wonderful.

3 f'ing kids and never married. (I bet they are from at least 2 different guys and probably 3. She's been single for the past 2 years........and she's ready to spread her legs again so she can make baby #4.)

She likes diamonds too fellows......(she'll want to marry you within 3months of dating).

She likes to have books around but doesn't read them........(I bet she likes to have guys around to make her feel special, like those books make her feel smart).

I always wanted a big close family( if this doesn't say it all right here. She's working on it with all those kids she has squeezed out of her vajayjay but she has no clue how to obtain the "close" part. Bet her mother is as f'd up as she is and she had 2 or 3 male father figures growing up that were actually nothing close to a "father figure")

Just another f'd up low value single mom who brings nothing but baggage to the table. I remember a time when single moms were considered sluts and no good by society. Now days they wear that "single mom" title with pride and society almost approves of gettting knocked up out of marriage. What a f'ing joke.

 

[Traveller2011]

This one has been pursuing me:



Look no further than the picture:

http://winnipeg.en.craigslist.ca/w4m/2143092198.html

Isn't she on Two and a Half Men?