Online dating- how to play this

[LuisGarcia10]

Firstly, I'm amazed, I genuinely thought it would be very hard to meet girls online and thought that most girls would be showered with messages from idiots and would never reply,

Anyway, turns out a HB7 had approached me, so my profile must have been pretty good I guess. She seems nice, etc and interested. Basically I just want to know when most people go for the number/date close? She's sent me 2 messages now, I know there's a small window of oppurunity with this kind of apporach, as i'm sure she does have guys messaging her etc. but at the same time i've said less than a few sentences to the girl in total, so going for the date close might be a bit soon at this stage?

All help from those experienced in this area would be massively appreciated!

 

[Zarky]

Here's my tip: don't get caught up on any "right" way to game chicks online. Over the years I've probably emailed around 2000 women online and maybe 500 of those have written back. Maybe 50 of those have turned into dates and 20 of those dates have ended up in bed at some point.

Sometimes you have to move quick, sometimes slow. The only way to do it is hit on tons of girls, talk to tons of girls, email tons of girls. The first 100 girls you talk with are throwaways, no matter what you do you will probably fvck it up.

But asking us what to do with "this one girl" is like asking us to tell you how to ride a bike from across the internet. You just gotta do it. Do whatever feels right. You will get (probably negative) feedback, and then you will have to modify what you do next time.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Give us an idea of the back and forth you two have been having.

Zarky is right in that it varies with individual women, but let me add my .02. I'm extremely successfull with online game, and once I have them on the hook I never lose them. I have found that they generally expect to meet up fairly fast, (a few weeks at the most). I use that time to demonstrate that I am very different from most men, and of course that boils down to having the knack and understanding the timing. Practice makes perfect. You have to calibrate by making mistakes, unless like me you just happen to have the knack.

Girls start feeling uncomfortable when it starts to feel like "pen pals", so excite them with mystery and intrigue. I would love to tell you specific things I do but I'm concerned that they might be too specific and therefore google-able. Hint: Make up fun games like "List your ten favorite >>whatever<<", sounds, foods, etc. She goes first. When you give yours, put in a couple of things that might seem a little weird, different or shocking. They absolutely LOVE this stuff and it shows that you are playful, fun and different.

However, I full understand that this won't fit every guy's personality. Use it if you think it might work.

Imply that you are going to invade her currently boring world with an explosion of new colors.

How to know if she really likes you:
Look for signs of her "copying" you. Look to see if she suddenly starts signing her letters the same way you do. Is she starting to use your words or phrases? If she is subconsciously copying you, then you are guaranteed, 100% IN. Take that to the bank.

After a few exchanges I always get the "copying", and that is the time to suggest meeting together. Don't ask her... tell her "We should get together" or "I'm doing such and such this weekend. I'd like you to join me if you can break free." Light, breezy, but dominant and powerful. Make sure she percieves confidence without a dictating, harsh attitude.

She's a guest in your world.

Tomorrow if I can I'll tell you guys about the meeting I had with an online girl. Oddly enough, she looked waaaaay hotter in person than in her pictures. The old Atom would have been entirely intimidated and would have felt not worthy. The new Atom kept the AFC in check surprisingly well. She was a guest in my world and I made sure I conveyed that. It was quite interesting and a first for me. I think you guys would agree she was at least an 8.5 or a 9, and I wasn't prepared for that.
Sorry, I'm all over the place tonight as I sometimes do so please extract the gold and discard the dross.

 

[terran2k]

I'm with Zarky on this one, 100%

 

[LuisGarcia10]

Cheers for the feedback guys,

Zarky- yeah I know it differs from person to person, no 100% blanket rule that will work etc. It's just that this is entirely new to me, so was just after a kind of insight into etiquette etc. For example if I met a girl in person, got her number and then messaged her a bit, I'd probably ask her out fairly soon, just wondering if the online game is a bit of a slower process really. This girl is quite hot, and, to be honest, it's not often in life or online that I get girls approaching me, so I'm guessing I'm onto a good thing with this one and don't want to **** it up if I can avoid it!

Atom-

There's not been huge amounts of dialogue between us. Basically she messaged me the other day saying

"just wanted to say hi, have you had a good weekend?"
I replied;
"yeah been really busy with work but it's been good thanks, I guess your job is fairly tiring to, do you work weekends yourself?"

replied;

"yeah ive had 13 2 year olds to look after today so very tiring but brilliant, i guess your job must be tiring as well? Got many plans for the week?"

(she's a carer for young kids btw in case you were wondering what she was on about with the 13 2 year olds lol.)

I hate to try to look too deep into specific words etc, but I just want to play this one quite well, and, as zarky said, the odds are quite high on a potential **** up considering I'm in experienced at this myself!

Just some advice really would be good, I realise it's not going to guarentee anything, but it's probably going to be a saferbet than just completely doing it off my own back.

I am emailing other girls etc so it's not as if she's the only one, but, as I say, the fact that she's approached me would lead me to believe she's less likely to flake etc.

 

[Atom Smasher]

"What's it like to be responsible all those kids?"

"I'll bet it gets overwhelming at times."

I'll bet you get a feeling of deep satisfaction knowing that you're playing such an important role in their development."

"You must have an incredible amount of patience."

"How does it feel to know you're making a difference in their lives?"

Those kinds of questions and statements will cause you to rise above the pack and she will be very attracted because you're engaging her on a personal level, taking interest in her, and validating her feelings. Money in the bank son.

When you dialogue like that, there's never a need to worry about when to ask her out. Her attraction becomes certain and you call the shots.

Edit: I know you didn't want specific words. I'm just riffin.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

Nice one, you've basically confirmed what I initially thought. I was kind of doing what you said, asking her how tiring her job is etc, but that stuff you've said shows a far higher level of thought and is likely to get her to engage at a higher level. Plus it focusses on the positives, at the end of the day nobody likes being tired really, but job satisfaction is positive.
Thanks for that, I'll use some of that stuff to an extent and let you know how it pans out. I was definately on the right tracks initially, but that is definately better than what I would have said.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OK, but I get to see her once in a while, too. After all, you're borrowing some of my material.

Just kidding... I'm glad to help and you can use my material all you want, and I know you'll put your own spin on it. I suggested all that to prime your creative pump.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

I'll be honest, i'm impressed!

Pretty much writing what you told me in my own words, she's mimicking my phrases and saying she's out on saturday as well (after i mentioned i was o0ut for a friends bday on saturday.)

As easy as that then?

 

[Atom Smasher]

It's that easy, playa. You're scratching her where she itches.

Just keep indicating a real concern and caring for her feelings about what's going on in her life, (and once in a while let her know "Yes, I can relate to that"... and keep looking for the copying.

She'll be putty in your hands.

 

[Wilko]

You gotta love this guy, he's had some gems lately. Luis, if you haven't already done so, check out Atom Smasher's contribution to the texting during conversation thread here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=179443 chances are you might get to use this. Likewise, Zarky's Lay Report is a must read http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=179545. Anyway, now that the bro-love is out the way...

Atom Smasher, I was 'listening' to you describe your online game, the active listening, the playful questionnaires and moreover the apparent sincerity of it all....and my first reaction was, where's the C&F? where's the 'prize' mentality? where's the alpha attitude ?

I'm being deliberately facetious here, but it'd be great if you could comment on the obvious differences between what you're doing and a ballbusting C&F style, i.e.

Too much active listening = friendzone?

C&F is perhaps less well suited to mature DJ's?

One size fits all game?

etc.

 

[Crissco]

Give us an idea of the back and forth you two have been having.

Zarky is right in that it varies with individual women, but let me add my .02. I'm extremely successfull with online game, and once I have them on the hook I never lose them. I have found that they generally expect to meet up fairly fast, (a few weeks at the most). I use that time to demonstrate that I am very different from most men, and of course that boils down to having the knack and understanding the timing. Practice makes perfect. You have to calibrate by making mistakes, unless like me you just happen to have the knack.

Girls start feeling uncomfortable when it starts to feel like "pen pals", so excite them with mystery and intrigue. I would love to tell you specific things I do but I'm concerned that they might be too specific and therefore google-able. Hint: Make up fun games like "List your ten favorite >>whatever<<", sounds, foods, etc. She goes first. When you give yours, put in a couple of things that might seem a little weird, different or shocking. They absolutely LOVE this stuff and it shows that you are playful, fun and different.

However, I full understand that this won't fit every guy's personality. Use it if you think it might work.

Imply that you are going to invade her currently boring world with an explosion of new colors.

How to know if she really likes you:
Look for signs of her "copying" you. Look to see if she suddenly starts signing her letters the same way you do. Is she starting to use your words or phrases? If she is subconsciously copying you, then you are guaranteed, 100% IN. Take that to the bank.

After a few exchanges I always get the "copying", and that is the time to suggest meeting together. Don't ask her... tell her "We should get together" or "I'm doing such and such this weekend. I'd like you to join me if you can break free." Light, breezy, but dominant and powerful. Make sure she percieves confidence without a dictating, harsh attitude.

She's a guest in your world.

Tomorrow if I can I'll tell you guys about the meeting I had with an online girl. Oddly enough, she looked waaaaay hotter in person than in her pictures. The old Atom would have been entirely intimidated and would have felt not worthy. The new Atom kept the AFC in check surprisingly well. She was a guest in my world and I made sure I conveyed that. It was quite interesting and a first for me. I think you guys would agree she was at least an 8.5 or a 9, and I wasn't prepared for that.
Sorry, I'm all over the place tonight as I sometimes do so please extract the gold and discard the dross.

If I was to ask a women to hang out on lets say a Thursday ur saying dont ask her to "get togeather"..How would I go about asking her out while displaying dominance?

 

[Atom Smasher]

First of all, how old are you? I wish SS required ages because the social climate can very with age.

Do you have definite plans? If so, say, "Hey, I'm doing such-and-such on Thursday. Why don't you join me?" Or, "Come with me."

I'm not a fan of "hanging out" (sounds weak to me, but it probably plays better with the younger crowd).

Saying "Let's get together" is perfectly fine IMO. That's a statement, and is therefore dominant.

I would say don't over think it. Just learn to suggest getting together with a little directness and you'll be fine.

 

[Crissco]

First of all, how old are you? I wish SS required ages because the social climate can very with age.

Do you have definite plans? If so, say, "Hey, I'm doing such-and-such on Thursday. Why don't you join me?" Or, "Come with me."

I'm not a fan of "hanging out" (sounds weak to me, but it probably plays better with the younger crowd).

Saying "Let's get together" is perfectly fine IMO. That's a statement, and is therefore dominant.

I would say don't over think it. Just learn to suggest getting together with a little directness and you'll be fine.

Thats exactly what I say. I always say Im donig ... on ...day, come with me. Works sometimes, sometimes it doesnt.. Might give the lets get togeather line a shot next..Im 23 by the way

 

[Rubirosa]

Once you get an online "raport", just say "Hey, here's my #, Let's meet at a Starbucks sometime...what's your # ?
Just make sure it's a public place.....
If she suggests an expensive restuarant, no good....I had this one girl I met online tell me that her friends have basically devised a way to eat fancy for free every night=They just set up a meeting w/ some online chump at a restuarant and hint at the server to bring the check to the male.

Once you meet her, shake her hand, but kiss her cheek as well. This move will give you an instant feed on whether or not she likes the "offline" you.

 

[Crissco]

Once you get an online "raport", just say "Hey, here's my #, Let's meet at a Starbucks sometime...what's your # ?
Just make sure it's a public place.....
If she suggests an expensive restuarant, no good....I had this one girl I met online tell me that her friends have basically devised a way to eat fancy for free every night=They just set up a meeting w/ some online chump at a restuarant and hint at the server to bring the check to the male.

Once you meet her, shake her hand, but kiss her cheek as well. This move will give you an instant feed on whether or not she likes the "offline" you.

Only problem with that is I don't like to give out my number, and the word sometimes doesn't really portray dominance, its more like an ok maybe type of thing.

 

[Rubirosa]

You don't need to display dominance right away.....Take it for what it is : a casual 1st meeting. I had a chick earlier this week show reluctance to meet me...She said "What if you don't like me ?" I said "Then I'll just enjoy my coffee ..."
That night I was in her car sucking her implants.....
I slept w/ her last night for the 1st time (2nd meeting)
I've slept w/ 7 online women since August

 

[Rubirosa]

Wait, I sound kind of arrogant up there....All I'm saying is that casual at first works VERY well for me.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Crissco,

You might be over-thinkig it a bit. Just as long as you're not coming off as her doing you a favor by seeing you, you'll be fine.

 

[omkara]

Atom Smasher, I was 'listening' to you describe your online game, the active listening, the playful questionnaires and moreover the apparent sincerity of it all....and my first reaction was, where's the C&F? where's the 'prize' mentality? where's the alpha attitude ?

I'm being deliberately facetious here, but it'd be great if you could comment on the obvious differences between what you're doing and a ballbusting C&F style, i.e.

Too much active listening = friendzone?

C&F is perhaps less well suited to mature DJ's?

One size fits all game?

etc.

This is very interesting. In fact it almost deserves its own thread. I am a clinical psychology student, and I have been reading about rapport building techniques that you use to basically get the client on your side. At the same time, it's not really trickery. It has to be authentic. Usually the experience of being validated and understood is so uncommon in daily life that I can see how it would be very reinforcing. As you say, Atom Smasher, they will want to keep coming back to you.

If AS is having such great success with this, maybe all you need is to be sincere and positive, etc. I think this type of game resonates well with the classy, educated good girl types with lower numbers (the type I want).

Of course I do still like teasing occasionally. It spices things up. I get a rush out of saying the most outlandish, borderline insulting thing and having her rush to qualify herself or find it hilarious. Then again I am naturally a somewhat ****y/arrogant type of guy.

A lot of this has to do with what works with your personality type. Validation game would seem to work well with the nice, principled type of guys. This is really appealing to me because I would rather do something that seems authentic to me than use tricks that seem cheezy just to get girls.