Online Dating-How soon should I ask for a second date?

[teddy]

Met a girl from online. Somehow was hotter and thinner in real life than her pictures, made no sense. Had lunch, it went decently, split the check, hugged at the end. I said I had a good time and she said she did also.

So how soon should I ask for a second date?

Obviously, all my beta friends are like "oh, you should've asked her right when you guys departed" blah blah blah.

I don't want to seem too eager. But I do want to preserve any kind of "momentum". I know that she's probably seeing other guys from the website and it's easy to get lost in the shuffle.

I was thinking leaving it for a few days and texting her in the middle of the week for next weekend. But is that too soon (i.e. two weekends in a row)?

 

[Don_Dom]

Online, cold approach, etc are just means of meeting and getting contact info. Once you have a date, it's all the same, really.

Your friends are wrong. Do not ask a date for another date while on a date, particularly first date. After a few dates, especially after you have banged her, you can relax this a bit. The exception being if you have some major already present event looming (like you met her at a meetup for a club and its obvious you are going to see her then) or SHE brought it up in conversation....Anything else is presumptuous and reeks of desperation and/or approval seeking. The key is to continue to show interests and not seem like you are playing games while also not coming off as desperate. Sounds like you have handled this well so far.

Industry standard, I believe, is 2-4 days, with most going for 3 days. Personally, depending on what day you saw her (you are a busy successful young man so your weekends are booked, right?) I think you are fine contacting her anytime as long as it's not the same day and you don't sound like you are planning the wedding already when you do and preferably not on a weekend day. I tend to avoid mondays because, for most people, mondays suck and are to be survived...I hate even thinking about the week ahead on mondays, but that's just personal preference. As long as you don't come off as being needy or desperate, you really can't go wrong whenever you contact her. IMO. If she flakes, it most likely will have nothing to do with what day you contact her, but just that she wasn't into the date you had. Not that she will, just mentioning that so you don't over think what you are doing now unnecessarily.

Do whatever you are comfortable with. Sounds like you've done well so far. Nice work, Teddy.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Listen to These

I said I had a good time and she said she did also. So how soon should I ask for a second date?

Episode 96: Stop Being Afraid She’ll Forget You

Episode 97: Stop Losing Women “No Texting” Challenge + Mailbag #8

Episode 98: Stop Losing Women Mailbag #9 – How Long to Wait to Ask Her Out if She’s Showing Interest After the First Date

http://www.stoplosingwomen.com/page/3/

I was thinking leaving it for a few days and texting her in the middle of the week for next weekend. But is that too soon (i.e. two weekends in a row)?

Episode 10: Stop Contacting Her Between Dates

http://www.stoplosingwomen.com/page/12/

I strongly advise that you listen to these podcasts, because Harry Wilimington has answered all of your questions.

 

[teddy]

Online, cold approach, etc are just means of meeting and getting contact info. Once you have a date, it's all the same, really.

Your friends are wrong. Do not ask a date for another date while on a date, particularly first date. After a few dates, especially after you have banged her, you can relax this a bit. The exception being if you have some major already present event looming (like you met her at a meetup for a club and its obvious you are going to see her then) or SHE brought it up in conversation....Anything else is presumptuous and reeks of desperation and/or approval seeking. The key is to continue to show interests and not seem like you are playing games while also not coming off as desperate. Sounds like you have handled this well so far.

Industry standard, I believe, is 2-4 days, with most going for 3 days. Personally, depending on what day you saw her (you are a busy successful young man so your weekends are booked, right?) I think you are fine contacting her anytime as long as it's not the same day and you don't sound like you are planning the wedding already when you do and preferably not on a weekend day. I tend to avoid mondays because, for most people, mondays suck and are to be survived...I hate even thinking about the week ahead on mondays, but that's just personal preference. As long as you don't come off as being needy or desperate, you really can't go wrong whenever you contact her. IMO. If she flakes, it most likely will have nothing to do with what day you contact her, but just that she wasn't into the date you had. Not that she will, just mentioning that so you don't over think what you are doing now unnecessarily.

Do whatever you are comfortable with. Sounds like you've done well so far. Nice work, Teddy.

She lives about an hour and a half away and we're both pretty busy during the weekdays. I don't see how it would be feasible to meet during a weekday (as much as I'd prefer that over a weekend). So a weekend day will probably have to do.

Maximus Rex: will do.

 

[teddy]

Online, cold approach, etc are just means of meeting and getting contact info. Once you have a date, it's all the same, really.

Your friends are wrong. Do not ask a date for another date while on a date, particularly first date. After a few dates, especially after you have banged her, you can relax this a bit. The exception being if you have some major already present event looming (like you met her at a meetup for a club and its obvious you are going to see her then) or SHE brought it up in conversation....Anything else is presumptuous and reeks of desperation and/or approval seeking. The key is to continue to show interests and not seem like you are playing games while also not coming off as desperate. Sounds like you have handled this well so far.

Industry standard, I believe, is 2-4 days, with most going for 3 days. Personally, depending on what day you saw her (you are a busy successful young man so your weekends are booked, right?) I think you are fine contacting her anytime as long as it's not the same day and you don't sound like you are planning the wedding already when you do and preferably not on a weekend day. I tend to avoid mondays because, for most people, mondays suck and are to be survived...I hate even thinking about the week ahead on mondays, but that's just personal preference. As long as you don't come off as being needy or desperate, you really can't go wrong whenever you contact her. IMO. If she flakes, it most likely will have nothing to do with what day you contact her, but just that she wasn't into the date you had. Not that she will, just mentioning that so you don't over think what you are doing now unnecessarily.

Do whatever you are comfortable with. Sounds like you've done well so far. Nice work, Teddy.

Also, I felt there wasn't enough kino for a k-close. The hug felt better at the end in terms of pace, though I'm not sure what she was expecting.

Also, I like to keep things short, especially the first meeting, an hour tops. Leaves them wanting more. Not sure if that's the way to go, but I figure it's better not to drag things out.

 

[Don_Dom]

She lives about an hour and a half away and we're both pretty busy during the weekdays. I don't see how it would be feasible to meet during a weekday (as much as I'd prefer that over a weekend). So a weekend day will probably have to do.

Maximus Rex: will do.

I was talking about how long to wait before contacting her again to make plans. Obviously, make plans to get together according to your schedule.

No, I don't think the following weekend is too soon for that. I assumed that's what you meant. If you saw her this weekend it would be a bit soon to try to see her anytime before thursday, assuming you could, but anytime after that you are good, imo.

To sum it up, I would wait till Tuesday or Wednesday and ask her out for the weekend, basicly. But that's just me. You've done the hard part. Just don't come off as deperate when asking her out again and escalate when you see her and you should be fine.

 

[Maximus Rex]

An Hour and a Half???

Also, I felt there wasn't enough kino for a k-close. The hug felt better at the end in terms of pace, though I'm not sure what she was expecting.

Also, I like to keep things short, especially the first meeting, an hour tops. Leaves them wanting more. Not sure if that's the way to go, but I figure it's better not to drag things out.

Dude, that's three hours of travel time for some a$$. You need to find somebody that's an hour and fifteen minutes closer.

 

[Don_Dom]

It's definately not ideal but not everyone lives in heavily populated areas. Cut him some slack. He's new and doing just fine. And hour-ish each way isn't that bad on weekend.

I have to utilize online dating (which I hate) and be flexible with distance for my kinky pursuits and, despite being a royal pain in some respects, both do have their plusses when it works out. If I hadn't gotten to a point where I decided to be flexible with distance I wouldn't have done half of what I have in the last decade or so. I'm in a city, and it's fine for vanilla dating, but for kink the pool is just way too small. One of the plusses of having some distance is discretion.

I can't imagine it being much different for someone from a very small town for regular vanilla dating. Or for someone new and unsure of themselves. Trying something new and crashing and burning in public is a lot different when you know everyone around as opposed to knowing no one around.

Not ideal, no, but he's doing fine.

 

[teddy]

It's definately not ideal but not everyone lives in heavily populated areas. Cut him some slack. He's new and doing just fine. And hour-ish each way isn't that bad on weekend.

I have to utilize online dating (which I hate) and be flexible with distance for my kinky pursuits and, despite being a royal pain in some respects, both do have their plusses when it works out. If I hadn't gotten to a point where I decided to be flexible with distance I wouldn't have done half of what I have in the last decade or so. I'm in a city, and it's fine for vanilla dating, but for kink the pool is just way too small. One of the plusses of having some distance is discretion.

I can't imagine it being much different for someone from a very small town for regular vanilla dating. Or for someone new and unsure of themselves. Trying something new and crashing and burning in public is a lot different when you know everyone around as opposed to knowing no one around.

Not ideal, no, but he's doing fine.

Is the no k-close for the first date fine for now? This was lunch in the middle of the day and hadn't really talked before.

I feel like my second date would be better for seduction.

 

[HedoRick]

Wait two days before asking her out again.

Chicks used to flake on me all the time, the solution to my problem was minimal contact(other then logistic/date setup texts) and waiting two days after the first date to ask for the second.

I hardly ever get flaked on anymore.

 

[thelastmanonearth]

Be the guy with a plan if you meet her again, if you're driving long distance have a hotel room preferably with a bar in the hotel, that way if she flakes on the date you can enjoy yourself anyway. That's my advice anyway because I've done long distance and having a hotel room already puts it in her head you are down to get it on. It also takes the power of having you on her turf at her whim if she flakes on you.

 

[teddy]

It was a Saturday during the day date. Figuring on waiting till Wednesday to hit her up if that sounds good.

 

[ImWithTheDJ]

You can ask her at any times. It doesn't matter as long as you're not needy and insisted on going out with her. If there was a connection on the first date then why bother trying to game her. She is already interested. If anything it would be counter-productive. Try to not ruin the chemistry. That's my 2 cents. Thanks.

 

[teddy]

You can ask her at any times. It doesn't matter as long as you're not needy and insisted on going out with her. If there was a connection on the first date then why bother trying to game her. She is already interested. If anything it would be counter-productive. Try to not ruin the chemistry. That's my 2 cents. Thanks.

So Wednesday isn't a good time frame? I figured that gives it a few days for it to breathe and I won't seem needy and yet still interested.

 

[VikingKing]

If you have to "ask", move on. If she is interested in you she will show it.

 

[Don_Dom]

You're good. Go for Tuesday if you want. Or Wednesday. Doesn't really matter. Just don't sound needy when you call and you should be fine.

As far as the kiss close...You always want to be escalating but since you met online and just net I'm person I don't think it's that big a deal. Work up to it next time. Read up on date ideas...I'm pretty sure there's a section in the dj bible about that. You have a couple days before contacting her to decide what to do. Do something where some kino can be initated even if it's just a high five playing pool or darts or something. Will make going for the kiss close later smoother and easier.

And have fun. Preparation and asking questions is good but don't overthink everything and get uptight about details. Just have fun with her and work on escalating. You have done the hard part. The next couple of dates are the "dont fvck it up" stage.

 

[GS750]

Like other's said I'd wait a day or two and then call her up with a date idea planned.