Online dating as a window to the world

[DonJuanabe]

I have used online dating for years, since the last 90s. Obviously it has grown substantially since then. What I find interesting is that I see many profiles on a site for a while, then they're gone, then weeks or months later they are back. And I mean MANY profiles. In other words, a girl gets a ton of dates and over the course of some weeks narrows down to a guy with whom she wants to be exclusive, becomes exclusive and removes her profile, then over time the relationship fails and she is back. The frequency with which this occurs is astounding to me -- they got past the dating stage and into relationship, yet that doesn't work out for some reason. I can't get into my head why so many relationships fail - online dating shows just how commonplace this is. I suppose, given the frequency of divorce, that it really isn't that stunning, and better to break up before marriage than after. Literally, I see profiles online of attractive girls that I've seen off and on for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years! These girls are pretty, have good jobs and income, yet constantly go back and forth from single to couple to single. No, it's not because girls online are any different than those who don't use online dating, heck often if you have a decent career you don't have enough time to meet someone without using online dating. But I just don't understand the never ending cycle.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

I have used online dating for years, since the last 90s. Obviously it has grown substantially since then. What I find interesting is that I see many profiles on a site for a while, then they're gone, then weeks or months later they are back. And I mean MANY profiles. In other words, a girl gets a ton of dates and over the course of some weeks narrows down to a guy with whom she wants to be exclusive, becomes exclusive and removes her profile, then over time the relationship fails and she is back. The frequency with which this occurs is astounding to me -- they got past the dating stage and into relationship, yet that doesn't work out for some reason. I can't get into my head why so many relationships fail - online dating shows just how commonplace this is. I suppose, given the frequency of divorce, that it really isn't that stunning, and better to break up before marriage than after. Literally, I see profiles online of attractive girls that I've seen off and on for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years! These girls are pretty, have good jobs and income, yet constantly go back and forth from single to couple to single. No, it's not because girls online are any different than those who don't use online dating, heck often if you have a decent career you don't have enough time to meet someone without using online dating. But I just don't understand the never ending cycle.

Confuscious say: If you see internet dating as a window to the world you need to turn off computer and get out of house.

 

[Wilko]

Well, you're not imagining things, I've seen the same pattern. Of course, we tend to notice the ones who do come back and we probably pay those who don't no mind whatsoever, so there's definitely some confirmation bias going on here.

Human relationships are temporary, and as much as these girls may delude themselves otherwise, reality has a way of bringing their naive idealism unstuck. What amuses me, is that they never seem to reconsider their desires in light of their "failed" relationships. According to their profiles, they're still hell-bent on finding "the one", or at least that's what they tell themselves and the rest of the dating world. In practice they seem pretty adept at moving seamlessly from MLTR to MLTR, so surely on some level they understand that lifelong monogamy isn't really tenable. Never seen any of these girls demonstrate an explicit awareness of that though. If anything they seem to protest ever more strongly that they only want something "serious".

 

[Spinning Spinning]

I guess one theory is that said girls are THAT fussy they simply can't find a guy they want to settle down with hence they broaden their horizons. Doesn't cure their fussiness though.

 

[Packers2010]

i have a friend just like you described. after her break up. it took her 2 days to be online. then like about a month give or take to find herself another bf?

WTF is going on? i don't even get it? shes not THAT attractive. ( i only like her cos she has red hair. its my thing) i feel like she NEEDS to have someone there and doesn't want to stay single.

i just don't get it

 

[SgtSplacker]

It's just the nature of dating. You don't know if you really like her until you can hit it. And you cant hit it until you show her you really like her. So you go into a temporary relationship mode with the illusion of sexual exclusivity. Hit it a couple times and quit it if she doesn't make you really happy. If you did this properly you can stay friends, if you did it wrong you need a new paint job, tires and flat screen TV.

The Xbox is also a favorite "get him where it hurts" target...