Online Adult personals...How "slim" are your chances?

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Any Idea how to reply to this?

quote:
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Treasure my presence and I will show you what a loving woman can be to you. I have so much love but no one to give it to.

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Maxtro, write...

"I shall treasure your presence only if there is treausre and pleasure to be found! If you are truly what I seek, I shall be the recipient of your bottled-up love, and you shall be at the receiving end of mine!"

This will take the focus off of her as the treasure (prize) and quilifies her in your eyes!!

I'm going to have to start charging you if I have to create a response to anymore of your love letters.

 

[Austin Allegro]

I'd say the online personals should be used as a backup ONLY to tide over dry periods in your game.

I was on Love@Lycos and match.com for about 18 months. In that time I had 'real life' dates with about 30 women. Of that 30, I'd say about 25 I wanted to see again. Of that 25, I got about 5 second dates and only ONE third date with a girl I really liked, but who just 'disappeared' after that. I also bedded 3 of them (a 1 in 10 success rate).

But just to meet those 30 women I had to bust my b*lls and send hundreds of emails etc - I hardly ever got approached by women.

Basically the problem is it's a 'buyers' market' for the women. Any woman with even average looks gets bombarded with messages and tends to develop a 'shopping list' mentality towards men (ie must have blond hair, be over 6' tall, earn £50k+ a year etc). They also develop a 'picnic spot' mentality (eg, why settle for one man when there could be a much better one down the road).

I just find it much better for your self confidence to try and meet women in the 'real world' when they tend to be less defensive and more relaxed, and you can judge 'chemistry' straight away.

 

[RyKnOw]

I to have tried yahoo and match.com Ive bet three chicks I chatted and e-mailed them for about a week then one day I hear nothing from them wtf! its all a conspiracy lol. I just gave up on the whole thing.

 

[Viking25]

Hotornot succes rate: out of 15 double matches> 7 e-mail responces> 5 chats on AIM/yahoo/>3 real meetups/> 1 second date/> 0 sex

I am doing pretty much my own research on numbers game...so far it doesn't look like a good investment of my time.
I wish I had money to try AFF and lavalife.

 

[drumr2]

I currently use Eroticy, and got lucky TWICE this weekend. (This is why my tone may seem a little different now than in my previous posts.) LOL!

Let's just say that I found my confidence again.


I tried AFF for a year, and never even got a single response! I honeslty question the validity of that site. Mainly because even with a half-way decent photo, you're bound to get at least 1 response to every 5-10 messages you send. Even if they're not interested, they'll usually tell you nicely. That's the way it's been with al lthe other sites I've used. So, who knows about AFF, but I honestly think 90% of those profiles are fakes.

Other than these sex-based personals, I've used several others over the last 4 years, and had nothing but luck with all of them. I've met 5 girls that I had relationships with (in one form or another), made several lasting friendships, and ALWAYS have at least 3 or 4 that I'm "prospecting".

I guess it works better than the clubs and bars for me because I'm the introverted, intellectual type. I need to know something about the girl before I'll be inspired enough to even talk to her.
The typical social scenes don't cut it for me. (Besides, I don't dance anyway, so I have no business there.)

The trick is (with internet personals) is that you have to have a skill at writing, and be able to convey charm and tact. I guess if you don't have a good command of the language you wont have as much luck. I can literally charm the pants off a girl before even meeting her by way of words only, where-as in public I cannot even bring myself to make eye contact with a stranger. By the time I've gotten to know the girl, they usually can't wait to meet me, and then I have all the confidence in the world when I do meet them. So, it works for me, but I guess it's safe to say that it requires a different approach to women than us men are used to.

Honestly, sometimes I wish I were the type that could go out to a club and pick up women the way most guys can, but I can't. Luckily, I've found a medium that works best for my personality, and I'm thankful to have that. Even if it does require a little more skill and patience.

 

[drumr2]

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
Basically the problem is it's a 'buyers' market' for the women. Any woman with even average looks gets bombarded with messages and tends to develop a 'shopping list' mentality towards men (ie must have blond hair, be over 6' tall, earn £50k+ a year etc). They also develop a 'picnic spot' mentality (eg, why settle for one man when there could be a much better one down the road).

I just find it much better for your self confidence to try and meet women in the 'real world' when they tend to be less defensive and more relaxed, and you can judge 'chemistry' straight away.

Personally, I think the odds of meeting great women on the 'net are no different that in person. I'll admit that for all the girls that I've got NO responses from, or for the ones that disappeared after a few e-mails, the same can be said for the amount of girls that I could've hit on or dated that were already taken or uninterested. The difference is the amount of money I spent and/or the amount of pride I had to swallow to approach her. This is never an issue when writing to a girl on an internet personal. Mainly because you already KNOW she's there to be approached. You just have to make sure that you do it properly.

Like I said, you have to really be able to make yourself stand out with words. I don't mean to compliment them repeatedly, but to basically utilize everything that this DJ site teaches, and put it into words. Ask questions about "her" before talking about herself. NEVER mention sex! (unless you're on a site that is predominantly sexual-based like Eroticity, and even then don't come off as a sex-crased pig....even if you are). NEVER come off as being negative. And so on, and so forth. I've actually been amazed at the results over the years, and I've gotten much better at it as time goes on.

The 2 most common complaints that I've heard from women that have met men on the internet is that 1) all they talk about is sex, and 2) they BUG!!

So, for starters, DON'T be that guy, and you'll automatically stand out. Sure, you are competing with possibly hundreds of other guys, but that's no different that in real life. If there's a hot chick in a bar you're at, you're NOT tha only guy thinking about picking her up. I'm tellin' ya, it's no different than real life.

Another thing to remember is that you should EXPECT to hear of or find out that she is talking to other guys, and may possibly be already dating some of them. DON'T get possesive about her just because she writes you back. I made this mistake once, very early on in the 'net dating game, and I never heard from her again.

When you find out that she is seeing another guy(s), and you can still be "real" and charming with her, you still have the upper hand. Sooner or later, that other guy is gonna screw something up, and guess who'll be on her "next" list???

As far as chemistry goes, there is SUCH a thing as chemistry through chatting and e-mail. I've felt when it was there and I can tell when it's not. You can tell a lot about someone by how they word their phrases, and write. Maybe I see it more because I am a writer, but it's definitely there. If you want proof of this kind of chemistry, I can provide it with specific examples.

 

[bob246]

Yea go on

 

[drumr2]

Well, it's a numbers game, and your numbers are calculated by "Hits and Misses". Eventually, you'll get good enough to just feel for a conversation and know at the end whether she's worth more of your time.

What are "hits and misses"? They are the ways or types of responses she gives to the things you say to her, and/or the types of things she says to or asks you. You never want to expect her to make the conversation. Remember, you e-mailed her because you were interested in getting to know her (or at least that's the way you should've made it seem), so you now have the responsibility to initiate most of the small talk. If you see that she is not contributing any input, or questions about you, then you automatically know that she's not very interested. Needless to say, that conversation should be fairly short, because after about 10-20 minutes, and she's not shown any interest, you need to say "Good night". That's a series of "misses"

You should take the responsibility for initiating topics and subjects, but she is expected to KEEP the conversation going, and possibly even move into different directions. Compliments should be utilized VERY conservatively, and not in every conversation. When you do compliment, try to make is simple and subtle to see if she picks up on it at all. Don't always go for the obvious eys, face or hair because they hear that from EVERY guy. Compliment them on what they've just told you about themselves! Then, they know you're listening, which you should be doing anyway. If she respondes with a statement ABOUT your compliment (more than just a "Thank You"), then you know this girl is paying attention. That's a BIG HIT! That's why the subtlties pay off. They weed out the flakes and users.

When or if they compliment you, be subtle about how you feel about it. Don't tell her that it made your day. Tell her that an observant girl is an intelligent girl, and that THAT impresses you.

See, you have to constantly work the charm and be creative about it. If they're bitting to what you have to say, keep the flow going and working the charm in her direction. This way, you accomplish three things. 1) You make yourself stand out amongst all the sex-craved bone-heads that e-mail her 10 times a day saying; "Sleep with me and I'll dream of you." 2) You'll come off as being intelligent and creative (2 BIG PLUSES). (Although, I don't think you can fake this, and if you plan on it, USE Spell Check!) 3) Lastly, you convey interest in her without seeming desperate and needy. After all, a charming, intelligent guy can get any girl that he can have at least 10 minutes with, right?

If you tell her things that are positve, and she comes back with nothing positive or even negative, those are "misses".

It's hard to explain, but I think I've made my point. If you want more specifics, you have to be more specific in your questions.

 

[drumr2]

Ok, here's a specific example of a girl I am talking to right now that I met on My Space.

I usually don't go for the obvious in compliments, but when I feel the need, I usually do it on the FIRST e-mail to them. Mainly because you don't have much to go on anyway, so it doesn't come off as weird.

This girl LITERALLY has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen! I am not lying, and I surely wasn't when my introductory message to her stated that. I kept it short and simple. I said, "Your smile makes you the most beautiful girl on the page. I couldn't resist just stopping by and saying "Hi". When you get a chance, drop me a line, and we'll chat, OK. "

So, it worked, and I've had a few GOOD chat-sessions with her since. Now, when I e-mail her, I don't need to compliment her because no matter how casual the message, I always close with "Keep Smiling".

That's the kind of charm that conveys interest, and keeps them coming back.

 

[duke007]

viking: of your 15 double matches, did any of them send you a "note"?

I'm up to 18 now, and have received 2 notes.

how the hell am I going to ask my parents for their credit card to use on hotornot?

 

[No1]

BTW

Beware on the "Decoys" on AFF. Meaning that if you see an ad which is too good to be true with a nice "Proffesional" type picture the chances are that these are decoys which lure you to send a massage with your email in it. Spammers have found their way in AFF also. Imagive that some of these "Hot" babes should get about 100-200 messages per day.

There junk mail....here we come. You will get an e-mail telling you to view their pictures in a protected website which requires a CC#

Make sure when you send an email send it with one space before/after the @ and . sign " @ " , "."

 

[Viking25]

One chick did! She did itwithin like 2 hours of doublematch,but she is HB5.
Usually I check my matches at the end of the day and send canned e-mail,I just put their name in it. I usually go like this: "Hey..looks like we matched!.I am..bla..bla..bla...and I want to talk to you,so what's your phone number? Or you can catch me on aim."
Most do reply with some questions ie : what do you look for in a girl...and then give me their phone in second e-mail. I am horrible on the phone! So that's really my goal is to get some game going on the phone.
I dunno,sometimes I think I should just stick to aim/yahoo...I am fukking awesome on those!
I am about to try lavalife. Women are more adult on there.

To whoevr was asking about credit card>
You can get one of those Visa/mastercard gift cards online or at the mall!...Works just like prepaid credit card!

Also: if anyone wanna share ideas/keep progress and improve about online pickups...PM me..and we can chat on Aim or yahoo.

 

[Maxtro]

That was a great response PuertoRican_Lover. Too bad I got it too late. I've already emailed her and I never got a response. Thats two girls who have contacted me but never replied.

I also have zero double matches on hot or not and I've tired to contact about 50 girls. This online dating thing seems like its not going to work for me. And I'm not skilled at all with writing.

 

[Viking25]

bump

 

[duke007]

nice bump

I have 34 double matches now, of which I'd like to email 20 of. (The best ones are interstate )

Tomorrow I'm going to ask my friend if I can use his credit card

 

[Viking25]

DUKE 007..you got over 30 matches without even being star member?,,,WOW!!!...
usualy chicks don't even click on you if they can't talk talk to you! I was hanging around 3-4 doublematches on free account,but when I upgraded I got like around 15 the same week. So I suspect if you become start member you won't be dateless for a while. Also click only on hottest ones,cuz there's no way you can start dating like 10 women at the same time. I am working on 4..and that's enough for practice....still no sex.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Originally posted by drumr2
Ok, here's a specific example of a girl I am talking to right now that I met on My Space.

I usually don't go for the obvious in compliments, but when I feel the need, I usually do it on the FIRST e-mail to them. Mainly because you don't have much to go on anyway, so it doesn't come off as weird.

This girl LITERALLY has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen! I am not lying, and I surely wasn't when my introductory message to her stated that. I kept it short and simple. I said, "Your smile makes you the most beautiful girl on the page. I couldn't resist just stopping by and saying "Hi". When you get a chance, drop me a line, and we'll chat, OK. "

So, it worked, and I've had a few GOOD chat-sessions with her since. Now, when I e-mail her, I don't need to compliment her because no matter how casual the message, I always close with "Keep Smiling".

That's the kind of charm that conveys interest, and keeps them coming back.

NOOOO!!

I would NEVER say something like that to a woman, online or not. She has heard this time and time again from every sad sack on the internet.

Love@lycos had 'open' guestbooks and every attractive girl had dozens of messages like that, most of which didn't get replied to.

In my experience its best to get her attention with C&F, swap a few messages to screen out flakes, number close and then phone to set up a date.

'Online chemistry' is possible, but it rarely translates into real life chemistry!! The longer you spend chatting online, the more you build up a completely false picture of each other, so that when you meet you just get disappointed. Use online dating to get REAL dates, not as an end in itself.

 

[duke007]

I'm up to 36

One chick just sent me not one but TWO notes, 3 minutes apart. I know it's not a "double post" type of thing, because the notes say different things.

here's her link: http://meetme.hotornot.com/r/?emid=KZESRYB
nothing extra special but looks to have a sweet body on her. what do you think?

Errrrr i think I may know why I'm getting so many matches. I have two photos of me on the one image....and one of the photos has me with a $1000 wad of cash and a cheeky grin on my face. These chicks might all be golddiggers!

check my profile here...but don't rate me down DJs!
http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=GRGEGUN&key=QKJ

 

[duke007]

Holy sh1t boys I think I'm onto a winner here
check out
www.bookofmatches.com

Emailing is FREE!!! I just signed up 5 minutes ago and this chick already sent me a wink. There's a decent number of Melburnians too so I'd imagine the choice for you Americans and Canadians would be huge!

And how cool is this feature...it gives the statistic of what percentage of emails the women respond to.
One girl had on her profile:
Number of times browsed: 1000
Percentage of emails responded to: 0%

Steer clear of that! Others have much better ratings though. The site is a bit slow but who cares if it's free!

edit:
ahahah this is fun!
the girl says she wants to move to aus someday so I sent this:

of course you want to come here!
Melbourne is the greatest city in the world.....because I'm here!

oh and by the way, you've obviously seen my profile, but I haven't been rated yet. kindly go back and let everyone know how hot I am

haha. and then she went and rated me a 10. so now I have a perfect rating!

 

[Viking25]

Alright..this and last week I have learned one important lesson: stop clicking if you got no time to meet up and date soon. I got 6 replies from hotornot.....4 numbers...talked to one the phone and others online,but absolutly got no time to go out...so it kinda died. I know if i don't call some girls soon and ask them out,someone else will. In short: I can't go out and shouldn't be bothering chicks. What a waste of pvssy! From my experience,if you don't get them out on a date the first weekend they met you,iit's gonna be very hard to do it later.

Duke007...with face like that you bound to pull online chicks easy! I don't know if you wanna waste your time with women who are not in your area tho.
I will also try that bookofmatches site,,,just for sng.