Oneitus

Poop1337

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Oneitus is horrible in many ways. It makes you depressed, lazy, and just all around suck. You probably have it for a girl who either A) Never liked you and likely never will, B) Used to like you but doesn't anymore C) Likes you but won't for long because she'll catch onto your oneitus, also relationships just kind of have a course so she'd probably stop liking you anyways but oneitus will make this part painful.

Yes oneitus is retarded and many guys who are chumps just get oneitus for some girl often for no reason. It's like they pick a girl at random and become obsessed with her because she happens to work with them, or go to their school what ever... A major major part of game is understanding that just cause you've found a girl who tickles your fancy there will be others and the abundance mentality is reality but it also creates abundance where before like a loser you'd be obsessed.

What's the best way to combat oneitus? Go after other girls, date them and do stuff with them, you know sexual stuff. Also going NC on a girl that is pure oneitus and not good for you. NC means no contact which would include things like not looking at her pictures, her online activity, and avoiding talking about her, thinking about her, and of course not contacting her even if she's contacting you, I mean unless it's clear you'll probably get sex but don't be delusional and think cause she wrote you hi means sex unless you have a good reason for thinking that.

So to review NC and spinning plates is the best defense against oneitus.

Sometimes though you know all this, you understand how unattractive it is to her and how detrimental it is to you to get oneitus and you get it any ways. Pretty normal to feel that feeling of oneitus coming on and to fight it back with knowledge but it's something else to have it overtake you.

I've had oneitus once again rear it's ugly head. I've been spinning plates as best I can but still I've become obsessed with one particular girl and worst of all it seems that things going wrong the feeling of losing her brought on the oneitus. Realistically I know she's no 10 and I can bash her down for an infinite number of reasons but I've become obsessed with this girl. I find myself stalking her online activity and even going so far as to masturbate to the thought of her while looking at her pics. I had a very nice honeymoon period with this girl and I didn't feel this way, it really is time to go full on NC and spin plates harder, focus on other girls but damn this obsession is strong even with all my knowledge of how it would lead nowhere good fast.

If I were a robot I would just put in a command that stopped me from thinking about her for at least a few years unless it appeared the NC had put her back into a honey moon phase which of course would end faster than the first. I don't need a honey moon phase but things are just at that really bad point where i feel she is talking to other guys and it's very unclear on if I will ever see her again even if I keep throwing invites out when before I'd see her all the time when ever I wanted.

Thank goodness for my understanding of social dynamics though or I'd probably just go further into the madness.
 

Sir James

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It probably has to happen at least once in life in order to recognize and eliminate it in the future, kind of like a vaccine.
 

Starwolf

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I have tried this NC approach.. failed 2 times. The girl keeps contacting me after a while.

What i do now is just observe be a watcher of my own feelings and just laugh when my mind wonders about her imagining a version of her that is not real. I just smile to myself and say that's some Epic oneitus man.

when i have to deal with her i just keep it cool, say no to doing favors, say no to anything and enjoy the moments when she gets angry for not helping her.

I find observing and not reacting or being unaffected teaches me a lot more about having control over my feelings.
 

captain55

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Unless your talking about an ex gf, if you have oneituts over some chick you never slept with then that's pathetic. I think OP needs to stop confusing a little crush with oneituts, normal men don't get obsessed with women they never sleep with
 

Poop1337

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Well in my specific situation I'm talking about a new ex or soon to be ex depending on how you look at it. Oneitus is pathetic no matter what though even if things are going well and you're currently still having sex with the girl. It is especially pathetic to get it when you haven't even had sex but it happens and the point is to have the knowledge that it leads nowhere good fast and there are methods for dealing with it. I just think it's an important topic.
 

Wounded_Warrior

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Poop1337 said:
I just think it's an important topic.
100% agree. :up:

Oneitis is like a kryptonite for getting girls. Superman without his power is useless just as a don juan without his full game.

Nuff said.
 

Poop1337

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Superman pretty much lost his powers for a while because of oneitus
 

JohnyTheArrow

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Oneitis is serious thing you may crush yourself emotionally,financially and physically,no ***** is worth it but it will happen if you focus on her too much.Never ever focus on one girl always have backup girl.Some people even kill themselves , it has be taken as seriously as taking heroine,you have no idea how it will crush you when it is over you may loose health or money.

If you think you are getting oneitis you need to for help or you risk injury.Also women rarerly get oneitis, when you will be crushed she will suck another **** in the meantime,dont expect any empathy for your pain.


My last onetis wrecked me emotionally ,physically and i lost about 50.000$ of income because i was unable to work for months.Not worth.Never not worth.
 

bigneil

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Also watch out for zeroitis (tm). Zeroitis occurs when you've had so many women that you lose your ability to have oneitis (which is related to pair bonding).

When this happens, instead of crying that you can't get a date with "the one", you'll not even care when girls who were worth caring about leave you. This is bad in the way that not feeling pain when you burn yourself would be bad, but it does provide amazing insight into how beautiful women act in relationships.

Zeroitis happened to me between my 25th and 33rd partner. In fact, #26 was the last one who I had oneitis for. Since then, I almost always leave them, often brokenhearted. I think a man is supposed to become hardened this way (no pun intended), but it's not win-win.

The key to avoiding oneitis is to saturate yourself with beautiful women. Every day you should go to two places where you interact with beautiful women. Make your favorite bar, restaurant and grocery store the one where a beautiful girl works.

Be sure to genuinely appreciate the women you admire. Study them as a hobby (never in a way that makes them feel awkward, one that makes them feel special). Draw them, sculpt them, model them on the computer. Analyze their birthday, home town, zodiac sign, relationship patterns, palm lines, irises, diets and their body fat percentages. If you're the only one to notice that she dyed her hair, or changed the way she parts it for example, you will become special to her because their favorite subject is themselves. Pursue every girl who you are attracted to. You will have so many women that you lose track. That's the key - losing track. This is only achieved by thinking of other women instead. In the process of such saturation, you'll become as smooth as an ocean pebble.

Remember that the only way oneitis can form is when you stare at (in your mind) the same image over and over, until it gets momentum on its own. It's an unhealthy amount of time to spend thinking about one thing, and is a form of obsession. It implies a lack of other options, and being "out of your league", but the pain it causes ultimately inspires the improvements that lead you where you want to be.
 

JohnyTheArrow

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bigneil said:
but the pain it causes ultimately inspires the improvements that lead you where you want to be.
True ... you can use Oneitis as motivation tool. Being brokenhearted is great deal of suffering but you can use this pain (if you can handle) to improve yourself. It's powerful kick. Most funny thing when you are in-love-with-the- one(TM) you are not that motivated,brain is lazy, only when you loose your drug your brain goes into total rage mode and want it back at any price.
 

JohnChops

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captain55 said:
Unless your talking about an ex gf, if you have oneituts over some chick you never slept with then that's pathetic. I think OP needs to stop confusing a little crush with oneituts, normal men don't get obsessed with women they never sleep with
I've had that. A lot of people here have, hence why we ended up here. Now we are all "scarred" for life ;D
 

Poop1337

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JohnyTheArrow said:
If you think you are getting oneitis you need to for help or you risk injury.Also women rarerly get oneitis, when you will be crushed she will suck another **** in the meantime,dont expect any empathy for your pain.
Yes I'm trying to help myself now as I'm lucky to have the information and understand what is going on with me. Still I am at serious risk of great injury to my life right now if I don't get a handle on it. I think I can do this, but it's so strange I'm in my thirties and I have other options and other girls but I've become obsessed.

bigneil said:
Also watch out for zeroitis (tm). Zeroitis occurs when you've had so many women that you lose your ability to have oneitis (which is related to pair bonding).

....

Remember that the only way oneitis can form is when you stare at (in your mind) the same image over and over, until it gets momentum on its own.
Zeroitis seems like a form of nihilism or a buffer of sorts. I think it's fine if you really don't care and it doesn't matter but I've heard of this happening to guys who kind of just don't want to risk failure anymore once they've had success or on the other end of the spectrum super nerds or intellectual professor types who spend their entire life in a book or what ever instead of living life cause they've made themselves not care.

Yes my oneitis got momentum and I need to actively stop staring at her in my mind. She just pops into my head even when I don't want her too but this can be stopped with effort. Also good tips on going after and surrounding myself with attractive women. This experience is offsetting though because right now I do have other women but I've become obsessed. I worry I'm doomed to become obsessed again and again like a maniac the opposite of zeroitus as you call it which I wouldn't want either.

JohnChops said:
I've had that. A lot of people here have, hence why we ended up here. Now we are all "scarred" for life ;D
haha scarred. Yeah oneitus happens and should be talked about and avoided and not romanticized and not treated like something that only happens to complete losers. Now my oneitus is for a girl I have been with but in the past sure I'd get oneitus for girls I'd never been with I'd be surprised if this happens now but it could... I feel I'm just prone to becoming obsessed with girls I like and it's ridiculous.
 

JohnyTheArrow

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Jair213 said:
rollo put it best.



direct result of the continuous socialization of the soulmate myth in pop culture.
It's good for buisness. All these movies pop songs gadets gifts weddings .... its big money there.
 

Poop1337

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For me oneitus is my tendency to become obsessed. I can do this though. I want to delete all the pictures I have of us. I feel like I'll regret it, but I kinda feel it will help.
 
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