Oneitius at works and took revenge (she encouraged)

[jake_whites]

Hi All,

To make it short, I had oneitius on a girl who came with my client to visit my workplace and teach my employees. I had chances which blew and later became AFCs. Things like this went on like a year. I propsed her and She put me in LJBF. (ofcourse this was all through skype and social networking) and later I deleted her from everywhere and went no contact. Till this she lost respect already for me and she keeps thinking that I don't respect her.

Now she returned again at her workplace and I had to work with her and was forced to add her on skype. She started interfering my works badly and started behaving like a boss (where as she was just co worker). At the end of the conversation, she said that if she says NO that means it is NO only and I shouldn't ask any question. I had enough and I told my client about her that If she is going to humiliate like this I don't appreciate. Next day he asked her not to talk with me. But I felt so unsatisfied and wanted to take revenge. (when we had ours last conversation, she said to me that she will leave job becoz of me and also said that I want only revenge from her. That hurt me and made me feel guilty) Sure I knew that revenge is bad thing and it can hurt. But I was feeling so stress seeing her on works.

So I told my client that I will leave job if she doesn't apologize to me for her bad behaviour at works. Becoz my contribution on works was more than her, my client didn't want me to leave job. But during this all, I was angry and rushed and kept pushing my client. He asked her and she said NO to apologize. So I asked him to fire her or tell her to delete me from skype. and later She deleted me from skype.

Now I feel really bad and guilty for what I did. I was angry and rushed, at first I never wanted to do that. I feel pity for her (though she rejected me many times and tried to interfere my works badly). I don't know if I did right or wrong? I feel stressed and depressed and guilty to hurt her. How can I cope with this?

 

[sodbuster]

By not feeling guilty about standing up for yourself. The B*TCH was interfering with YOUR WORK.... you took a stand to protect your JOB. Nothing is wrong with that...forget the fact you asked her out. If I did the same to you, you'd get me removed from the job and not feel guilty about it. I'm assuming you wouldn't ask me out

 

[jake_whites]

Thanks for reply!

But now I feel a bit guilty and bad.
I am thinking to write her one last email. I am calmed down now and as anger is gone. I feel to say Sorry to her politely and apologize. But I am also thinking to write down that we can't be friends and we should move on. and I also don't feel to get back with her and work on myself and look for new opportunities in life.

What do you suggest guys? after a week has been passed, Is it good idea to write her an email without expectations to apologize? (There was a fault on both side, she mistreated me and I thought to do same as "tit for tat")

OR I can leave things as it was and never write her this email and just move on?

 

[oneboy21]

Go no contact
you don't need to write her an email
chicks play lots of games, i never seen a chick apologizing for her games. you should do the same thing
Move on

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

This is why you don't mess with women at work.

I see you getting a termination letter very soon.

And proposing to a girl you never even slept with? Sigh...

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Thanks for reply!

But now I feel a bit guilty and bad.
I am thinking to write her one last email. I am calmed down now and as anger is gone. I feel to say Sorry to her politely and apologize. But I am also thinking to write down that we can't be friends and we should move on. and I also don't feel to get back with her and work on myself and look for new opportunities in life.

What do you suggest guys? after a week has been passed, Is it good idea to write her an email without expectations to apologize? (There was a fault on both side, she mistreated me and I thought to do same as "tit for tat")

OR I can leave things as it was and never write her this email and just move on?

You've already made such a big deal about this that you've even got your OTHER coworkers involved.

Just leave it alone. Never speak to her again. Do NOT write one last email...because it is NEVER just one last email.

 

[Jariel]

But now I feel a bit guilty and bad.
I am thinking to write her one last email. I am calmed down now and as anger is gone. I feel to say Sorry to her politely and apologize. But I am also thinking to write down that we can't be friends and we should move on. and I also don't feel to get back with her and work on myself and look for new opportunities in life.

That's a classic AFC move. It'll make you look indecisive, weak and shows her she can continue disrespecting you. She made no effort to apologise for her behaviour so why should you?

Having too much of a conscience is a curse of the nice guy. Sometimes you have to embrace that feeling of guilt and stand by your actions. Many women will come running back to a guy who treats them badly time after time, but no girl will ever run back to a guy who treats them too nice.

 

[jake_whites]

Thanks guys!

Yes, I didn't write final email. and even I got to know from our mutual friend(and my client friend) that she immidiately started dating other guy and now getting into him. and it's just a couple of weeks.

Also she behaved badly that day becoz she lost her other works oppertunities (as I got to know from my client) and she was upset becoz of that.

Now this is something I learnt. If I had stayed calmed during her **** testing, I could had saved it. I should had played it calm not emotionally. I got trapped in her ****s by being angry.

Also that new guy, it seems he is a rebound or maybe not? Do you think guys there is a possibility that she can return back to me If I stay NC or maybe limited contact?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Also that new guy, it seems he is a rebound or maybe not?

Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever you call it, he's the man who is f**king her.

Do you think guys there is a possibility that she can return back to me If I stay NC or maybe limited contact?

What do you mean, "return back to you"? She was never yours in the first place.

Go find some other women and stop worrying about this one. It's stupid and pointless. If she wants to f**k you in the future, she'll find a way to let you know. Until then, stop thinking about it.

 

[jake_whites]

Thanks man!

I know that I should move on and forget about her. But still I felt to get back to her. It's getting hard everyday but I will have to spend more time in other activities.

Also I found out that there was one more other guy too, and he is apologizing to her to accept him back. And he felt in love with her too. So everyone seems to be falling for her.

I am gonna stay away and just watch the show.

 

[Thundernuts]

Yeah man stay away. This girl was stringing u along like a damn toy and when u wanted to be the only toy she played with she started freaking out on you. Its happened to me to.

Just understand she had no intentions of taking it further with you, and she has shown u by her actions that she was talking to other guys, probably while she was talking with you. Stay away.

I've gone through what you have, dont do this to another girl, just focus and improving yourself and doing stuff that you love and youll come across more women that fit your criteria and like hanging out with you. Thats where the more fun relationships come out of.

 

[jake_whites]

Everything you guys wrote so right!

But why is it getting so hard to stick with that? I just wrote her 3 continuous letter for apologization.(and before that I wrote too, being honest) I am feeling so f***king down now and crying to get her back even as a friend.

Days go somehow but as it goes, I am feeling more and more depressed. She doesn't reply.

and I am hoping that writing more and more, she will atleast get me back as a friend.

Feeling so bad , that I may go and see psychiatrist. and take pills.

I regret a lot for my anger and stupidness. and that's why I am trying to fix this mistake by contacting her in a hope if she will accept me as a friend. I will treat her nice and be polite.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She is living inside your head because you have rolled out the red carpet for her to take up residence there. Believe me you are NOT living in hers.

Actually, it is not her at all. It is your idealization of her, a manufactured, imaginary idea of who she is who is living in there.

You need to serve your imaginary tenant an eviction notice immediately and realize that you are dwelling on an unhealthy thought (of how you wish it could be), and nothing more.

In your thread title you used the term "oneitis", so you must know what that means. Oneitis always wears a man down inside and erodes him. Why should you allow this b!tch to do that to you? You are better than that.

 

[TopGun2000]

Everything you guys wrote so right!

But why is it getting so hard to stick with that? I just wrote her 3 continuous letter for apologization.(and before that I wrote too, being honest) I am feeling so f***king down now and crying to get her back even as a friend.

Days go somehow but as it goes, I am feeling more and more depressed. She doesn't reply.

and I am hoping that writing more and more, she will atleast get me back as a friend.

Feeling so bad , that I may go and see psychiatrist. and take pills.

I regret a lot for my anger and stupidness. and that's why I am trying to fix this mistake by contacting her in a hope if she will accept me as a friend. I will treat her nice and be polite.

don't want to be rude. but you sounds very weak :nono:

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Everything you guys wrote so right!

But why is it getting so hard to stick with that? I just wrote her 3 continuous letter for apologization.(and before that I wrote too, being honest) I am feeling so f***king down now and crying to get her back even as a friend.

Days go somehow but as it goes, I am feeling more and more depressed. She doesn't reply.

and I am hoping that writing more and more, she will atleast get me back as a friend.

Feeling so bad , that I may go and see psychiatrist. and take pills.

I regret a lot for my anger and stupidness. and that's why I am trying to fix this mistake by contacting her in a hope if she will accept me as a friend. I will treat her nice and be polite.

Jesus Christ!

 

[tafakna]

Feeling so bad , that I may go and see psychiatrist. and take pills.

This is called Cognitive Dissonance. The idea is usually go no contact, not take revenge by this very reason.

When you go no contact you're just learning to move on with your life. When you take revenge out of 'love' or 'attraction' you end up having two confliting ideas on your head. That's what's killing you. You took an emotional decision instead of a rational one, and now you're feeling guilty about it.

You don't need a psychiatrist, look for a good therapist first. She will move on and find a job, you will go on and find another girl. Trying to 'make things right' now will only make things worse.

Mixing emotions and work is a terrible idea.