Oneitis tendency

[Serg897]

Hey everyone,

Im a pretty infrequent poster, but once in a while I come back to hear some perspectives on issues on my mind.

Brief story:

I recently moved to a new city this summer. Here I started a new grad program in which so far Im doing very well. I've met several women and havent wasted any time with the dating.

One woman in particular I've clicked with very well. She is a high school teacher, a bit older (28 - Im 22) and personality wise very mature. She jumped into bed with me and we had sex on the third date (and every date since then - 5 total). This is despite the fact that she goes to church every Sunday and religion is important in her life, and Im an evil atheist, but that may be beside the point. She has been super affectionate with me and we have become very intimate after about a month.

The point is I think about this woman a little bit too much. I see it coming, and I recognize it. I become emotionally invested way, way too easily. I check her facebook multiple times a day and I instantly become aware of when she comes on gmail chat, and even her not sending me a message could affect my emotions.

Its absurd, but I almost cant help it. How does one avoid a trap like this? I know there is no simple solution and Im not expecting a magic bullet, and Im aware there are people on here that will flame me or call me an AFC - please don't bother if thats all you have to say. I just want this to be a talk on why this happens, and how to avoid it.

Thanks.

 

[Tyson420]

Talk to other women.

 

[Bobby_Rio]

Do you want something more? If you do, cool off.

If you don't... enjoy the sex. sometimes we need to experience some really good sex to remind us that there are girls out there willing to screw us... so why tie ourselves up with one.

 

[chrisgoodrich25]

Hey everyone,

Im a pretty infrequent poster, but once in a while I come back to hear some perspectives on issues on my mind.

Brief story:

I recently moved to a new city this summer. Here I started a new grad program in which so far Im doing very well. I've met several women and havent wasted any time with the dating.

One woman in particular I've clicked with very well. She is a high school teacher, a bit older (28 - Im 22) and personality wise very mature. She jumped into bed with me and we had sex on the third date (and every date since then - 5 total). This is despite the fact that she goes to church every Sunday and religion is important in her life, and Im an evil atheist, but that may be beside the point. She has been super affectionate with me and we have become very intimate after about a month.

The point is I think about this woman a little bit too much. I see it coming, and I recognize it. I become emotionally invested way, way too easily. I check her facebook multiple times a day and I instantly become aware of when she comes on gmail chat, and even her not sending me a message could affect my emotions.

Its absurd, but I almost cant help it. How does one avoid a trap like this? I know there is no simple solution and Im not expecting a magic bullet, and Im aware there are people on here that will flame me or call me an AFC - please don't bother if thats all you have to say. I just want this to be a talk on why this happens, and how to avoid it.

Thanks.

first you said you post infrequentley yet i see 645 posts...thats quite a bit..now im not sure about how to stop obsesing over that chick because..thats a hard thing to do...some chicks..not all but some have a way of just spinning my mind...I try to stay away from women like that..its unhealthy...and keeps you from focusing on yourself..which is the most important thing you can ever do..just try not to be so expectant...have her not owe you something..and owe her not..if that mak sense

 

[slaog]

Oneitis comes about when somebody keeps thinking about one girl and only sees things through rose tinted glasses instead of how the girl actually is. Oneitis just doesn't happen straight away it takes time and lots of mental focus to happen. What ends up happening is the guy builds a girl up so much in his mind he thinks shes better then him and doesn't want to lose her.


To stop it from happening you should be more realistic. The girl obviously has negative points. She's 6 years older then you for starters and in a few years she'll start to lose her youthful apperance. Start to focus about her bad points as well as her good points.


Focus on other things too throughout the day. Get some hobbies and keep yourself occuppied.


I think you also need to build yourself up. You should have a mindset of knowing that you're worth it. In fact you should be qualifying her to see if shes good enough for you!


So focus on her negatives as well as her positives and realise that with a high value mindset you can easily replace her.