Oneitis Situation in College, Advice Needed!

[Jug_head_man]

Background: We're both in college, im a junior shes a sophomore. I work with her at a gym but we only see eachother about once a month at work. Im a fitness model on the side so Im not a swamp donkey by any means. Shes an HB8 with an awesome personality. Her boyfriend broke up with her in September after a little less than one year, he was cheating on her with another girl, his current girlfriend. Shes only had 2 boyfriends.

Problem: Im not much for relationships since I had my heart broken a while ago so ive been doing my thing in college. This year however I always had my eye on her from work so we started talking a lot. Halloween comes by and we hook up (everything but sex). She tells me the next morning we cant do this for a while? We keep talking and hangin out a lot. Im still doing my thing on the side but my feelings are growing stronger because shes an amazing girl. January rolls around and I finally confront her about halloween but she gives me the friend line! I say ok cool (actually really upset) but I decide to keep her around because shes a cool person and a great friend.
March, we were drunk and hook up again. She tells me she doesnt know what to do because she has feelings for me but doesnt know how to act upon them. She still has feelings for the EX! She then sends me a text when she leaves...

Her:Sry for being so undecisive... its completely unfair to you. So thanks for stickin by. I just need to figure myself out rightnow.

April, One drunk night I go in for a kiss and she denies me and tells me no, sorry. The weekend goes by and she has the balls to tell me that I would be happy with her because she was doing 'something' and she said no? I played it off cool but it actually really hurt. I decided that week to stop talking to her and try ganji games. She texted me nonstop for about a week and a half then just stopped. Didnt talk for about a month, until last week.My birthday, She texted me saying she needed to appologize for the way she treated me and it wasnt fair what she did to me. She said her feelings were genuine. I told her I dont like to lose and maybe I just wanted what I couldnt have (I know stupid) and that I was over it. Hungout twice since but I cant do this, I still have major feelings for her.

BOMBSHELL: Tonight I find out shes in a new relationship with a D1 baseball player. I am definitely better looking and have a better body but I think I messed it up a long time ago. I have to see her next week because its finals and shes leaving ( I have her mattress). Im thinkin of telling her I cant do this anymore and we shouldnt talk for summer, 3months. I want to say that im not over things and I need this space. Do you think this is a good idea? Are my chances with her completely done? I feel like an idiot for this girl but Ive never been/felt like this with anyone, please help a brother out!
W

 

[Jug_head_man]

Bump

 

[aman]

1.) She was never that into you. She was just using you for an ego boost when she didn't have her boyfriend around.

2.) She is probably still in love with her ex. He is probably still having sex with her.

3.) You are ZERO challenge to her. You have put her on a massive pedestal. You will do anything for her.

4.) You are still very insecure about yourself as a man. You said, "I am definitely better looking and have a better body". This does not bear any weight with woman when the other guy has real balls compared to you. I would recommend reading a bit of the Book of Pook every night for a month to let it sink in. I would also read the "Way of the Superior Man".

Good luck!

 

[seek&destroy]

3.) You are ZERO challenge to her. You have put her on a massive pedestal. You will do anything for her.

I am no DJ by any means, but I agree with aman 199%. I've been there and done this...giving her all the power is never the way to go. You put her on a massive pedestal, NOT GOOD, since this left the ball in her court. The way to approach this would have been to drop subtle hints and leave the options open, WITHOUT declaring your feelings to her, and getting upset when she flakes. The key here is to keep yourself busy so that you don't think of her. The bottom line is: YOU HAVE BEETER THINGS TO DO THAN JUST BE WITH HER, and she needs to see and understand that.

Sorry to say, but I think there is absolutely nothing you can do to get her now. Go out, meet new girls, and above all, have fun. Maintain a good life and have lots of social proof, and HB's will follow.

seek&destroy

 

[Cherokee]

but I decide to keep her around because shes a cool person and a great friend.

First major mistake there im afraid dude, I'm guna take a wild shot in the dark here, but did you and her discuss emotions aswell as being a shoulder to cry on?
Never ever be friends with a girl if you're trying to game her

Her:Sry for being so undecisive... its completely unfair to you. So thanks for stickin by.

That is girl gobboldygoop, firstly girls are naturally undecisive, in my relationships i've realised the MAN has to be the decision maker all the time. Dominant vs passive.

I just need to figure myself out rightnow.

This means "I just need to figure out who to F**K right now"

She tells me she doesnt know what to do because she has feelings for me but doesnt know how to act upon them.

My ex told me these exact same words and I went through hell trying to figure stuff out about women and feelings. Truth is, there is nothing to figure out. In order to create attraction sparks, a woman has to miss being with you. You are more important, don't give her all of your time dude!

But anyway, I think you need a cure for oneitis. This one is a proven model.

Switching plates
This means to never give yourself exclusively to one girl at any onetime. Always have many girls in arms length or hell even D*ck's length. Even ONE other girl is enough to take your mind off your oneitis.

Good luck brother.

 

[Jug_head_man]

1.) She was never that into you. She was just using you for an ego boost when she didn't have her boyfriend around.

2.) She is probably still in love with her ex. He is probably still having sex with her.

3.) You are ZERO challenge to her. You have put her on a massive pedestal. You will do anything for her.

4.) You are still very insecure about yourself as a man. You said, "I am definitely better looking and have a better body". This does not bear any weight with woman when the other guy has real balls compared to you. I would recommend reading a bit of the Book of Pook every night for a month to let it sink in. I would also read the "Way of the Superior Man".

Good luck!

1) I think she really did have feelings for me at one time. I wasnt emotionally attached but we were talking everyday for atleast 3 months straight. I agree I was the other guy after her relationship.
2) I dont think shes inlove with him anymore, I think she was for a while. The day she told me that she did something and said no was the day he begged for her back and she denied him.
3) I totally agree about this.
4) Yea I am insecure and I think I made major mistakes along the way, got attached when I shouldnt have.

There are days like today where I say I can still be friends with her and everythings gonna be fine but I know thsi is wrong. Its so hard and you are right that I shouldnt try to be friends witha girl im trying to game. Thats why I kinda want to take this summer away from her and not talk but that'd probably make me look more AFC. One of my major problems is I was not attractive in grade school/middle school, When I matured the ladies came. I came from a conservative old fashioned home and didnt date until sophomore in high school. Since my last girlfriend in highschool I havent had much action since this girl. Maybe thats why im so attached to her because shes the first in a long time to give me validation. I have the looks, I have the body, I just dont have the attitude. I recently turned 21 and am not happy with where I am in life. I am determined to make this summer the time where I turn my life/ attitude around and become the man I really want to be.

 

[Lexington]

It's not what you want to hear, but RUN! Run like hell and don't look back. So long as you have feelings for her and they're not reciprocated, any friendship will only cause you pain. The sooner you walk away from her, the better.

Cut her loose and put your focus on other girls immediately. The longer you persist, the more it will drain you....I speak from experience. Oneitis is a terrible terrible thing.

Put your focus on improving your life. And every time you are struck with a bout of pain (they will be many), try to remind yourself that you've simply conditioned yourself to be attached to a broad.

Cut off contact with her. Keep her out of sight and out of mind. With time, you will be healed.

You can perhaps resume your friendship with her when you've found yourself other girls. You'll then realize how little she really meant to you.

 

[seek&destroy]

Lexington's right. I did this with my previous ONEITIS and after a couple of months I was back and feeling better than ever before. Just forget her and move on.

The funny thing with my last oneitis was that after those couple months apart she sent me an IM, saying "I love you"...I didn't let that get to me because I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. I saw her one time after that, we smoked a joint together, and were able to hold a decent conversation without mentioning anything about how I used to be all gaga over her. In the end, I'd say it definitely worked out for the better. If it wasn't for my friends, I would have never had something to take my mind off of her. Stick with your brothers, trust me, they got your back when a b!tch gets you down.

I wish you all the best man!

seek&destroy

 

[Serg897]

Oneitis is never a favorable situation. I've been there. Several times. With several posts on this forum in fact.

It leads to a total loss of perspective. All you are doing is overestimating the difference between one woman and the next. You must keep yourself in check otherwise you will start doing things and making decisions that will cause you immense hurt and wont get you the girl. Its like being on a drug.

It took me months, but after I got over my oneitis it has been a liberating feeling. You know to avoid that particular problem again.

 

[seek&destroy]

Great point Serg! It is very liberating you feel rejuvinated after you let her go. It just makes you realize that there is so much more to your life other than wasting your time fawning over that one single pvssy. No matter how hot she is, even if she's a HB10...don't sign the power over to her by making her the focus of your attention.

Basically, you did the exact same thing I did with my previous oneitis...you let yourself develop major feelings for her before anything at all happened between you two. These things happen, but they shouldn't happen more than twice befroe you learn your lesson: don't get too attached to her...hell don't get attached to her at all if she isn't showing you some clear IOI's. That much is obvious.

 

[aman]

Jug_head_man,

This is good learning experience for you, as you can see self-awareness is the key to understanding and fixing your mistakes. I would stop all contact with this girl, there is nothing to gain from the situation. Spend your time focusing on your hobbies / passions and meeting new people.

 

[46and2aheadofme]

After dealing with multiple one-itis's throughout high school and coming to this site, I have vowed never to have one again. Once you get through this, you will know how to deal with situations like this in the future.


Recently I have felt myself developing a one-itis, and I am taking the corrective measures to prevent myself from having any form of attachment:
1.) Any texts she sends me I either don't respond, or respond with few words.
2.) When she asks to hang out, I decline. If I want to hang out with her it is on my terms and not hers.
3.) I labeled her as "one-itis" in facebook chat, and made it so that I am always offline from her perspective on facebook when she signs on, because she always IMs me when I'm on.
4.) always make sure there are other girls in the picture (this is the most important).


After all of these measures I have taken, I must say it feels great to resist someone from having that much power over you.


Edit: One thing I forgot which is extremely important for me in preventing one-itis from developing: I make sure I am limiting contact from her solely from the mentality that I am proving to myself that she doesn't have power over me. If you perform the above actions for the reason of "getting her back" than you are most likely going to fail in achieving emotional detachment.