"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
ONEITIS - Lets Be Honest
- Thread starter muttley
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
donovan
Don Juan
Do what I try to do when I feel power slipping.
Focus on yourself.
Learn something new, or just go get a TON of numbers one night without fears, and that will help you not be a wussy around her.
Focus on yourself.
Learn something new, or just go get a TON of numbers one night without fears, and that will help you not be a wussy around her.
What I have is not really oneitis... I DO like this girl alot, and I made a stupid mistake. I was honest about my feelings and about verbalizing them and as the result she basically told me that "she believes in me, but she doesn't believe in us." Stupid, stupid me... Paying too much attention to what she says, not what she does. I did manage LJBF her just in time. I can see her breaking down in pieces in front of me any time I remind her of our "friendship" status. She'd hug me in "that special way" and I'd push her away instantly saying "what the hell, we're friends, remember?". Funny as hell. Then I'd pinch her or do something like it when she least expects it. I don't consider it a oneitis, more of a long-term project. I do get my share of action on the side, too. That way it's more fun. Like going to a bear hunt, and shooting rabbits on the side. 
Cheers.
Cheers.
I still have a little oneitis after she totally thinks I'm weird. I still have oneitis after I'm with another girl for 3 months. Wow, I can't get this girl out of my mind. I don't want oneitis, but I haven't gotten over her.... it's coming up to a year.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
The problem with this logic is that the ONEitis when you don't have the 'girl of your dreams' develops into ONEitis where you do. The cure isn't in getting that girl in the first place, but that you subscribe to a self-defeating mindset at all. You can learn all of the bulletproof sets and foolproof PUA techniques in the world and have a 100% success rate in F-closing every woman you meet, but ONEitis is ONEitis and when you do get that 'perfect' idealized girl you think is the ONE, you'll end up a simpering pile of indecisive, accomodating, supplicating, spineless goo because you'll be too afraid to to lose your ONE 'soulmate' if you so much as assert an iota of your own identity.
PUA legends like Style & Mystery are useless in an LTR because their inner AFC was never able to kill off the ONEitis that held them back from become mature men.
SparkleMotion
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2004
- Messages
- 187
- Reaction score
- 1
- Age
- 72
Very nice post.
I've probably experienced every form of oneitis in my AFC days. Hell I even relapsed at the beginning of this year when I got a GF and completely did the oneitis LTR. Took me a while to recover.
But now I'm back in action! Sorta...
I've probably experienced every form of oneitis in my AFC days. Hell I even relapsed at the beginning of this year when I got a GF and completely did the oneitis LTR. Took me a while to recover.
But now I'm back in action! Sorta...
VERY VERY NICE!!! I have had oneitis for this girl for over a year. She falls into the category 4 onetis (never actually talked to her).
She showed interest in me back in sept of LAST year with EC and smiling yet I never made a move. I still think to this day that she has interest in me...that's sad..
All your points of oneitis are true. I actually want to be the first to have sex with her (take her virginity) because she seems like an innocent girl. I get sick to my stomach when i picture her with a different d1ck.
She a HB6 at best and its true, I bet I am the only one who has an obsession over her. I woke up this morning thinking about her (actually had dreams about her last night).
I believe I have low self esteem because shes the only one that had showed interest in me and I "never wanted to let her go".
I want get rid of this infatuation with her. It sickens me. I havent even said "Hi" to this girl and Im all over her like we were meant for eachother. I imagine losing our virginities together and everyything. Its pathetic....
Well wanted to get that off my chest..Good post man!
She showed interest in me back in sept of LAST year with EC and smiling yet I never made a move. I still think to this day that she has interest in me...that's sad..
All your points of oneitis are true. I actually want to be the first to have sex with her (take her virginity) because she seems like an innocent girl. I get sick to my stomach when i picture her with a different d1ck.
She a HB6 at best and its true, I bet I am the only one who has an obsession over her. I woke up this morning thinking about her (actually had dreams about her last night).
I believe I have low self esteem because shes the only one that had showed interest in me and I "never wanted to let her go".
I want get rid of this infatuation with her. It sickens me. I havent even said "Hi" to this girl and Im all over her like we were meant for eachother. I imagine losing our virginities together and everyything. Its pathetic....
Well wanted to get that off my chest..Good post man!
The Master Disaster
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2005
- Messages
- 510
- Reaction score
- 2
what is LJBF'ED?
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Eazy-G
New Member
My experience with oneitis is that in order to get over it, you really have to want it to end. When I've gone through it in the past, I was holding onto a sort of grief over some chick because I didn't like the alternative of feeling nothing at all. I let it drag out for months with two of these girls.
The last time I had this shyt I made a concious decision to completely let go and get on with my F'n life. No sitting around wondering what or who she's doing, no stupid little fantasies of what it would be like if we were together, and no wallowing in self-pity. I decided to just live life like I always have as if she didn't even exist. At first I felt kind of empty but after a short time I got back to normal and didn't give a rat's ass about Ms. Oneitis anymore. I CHOSE not to let myself fall into the trap this time. If I would have just allowed myself to wallow in the usual obsessive, self-pity crap, I'd probably still be all messed up over her to this day.
If you really want to get over oneitis then you will.
The last time I had this shyt I made a concious decision to completely let go and get on with my F'n life. No sitting around wondering what or who she's doing, no stupid little fantasies of what it would be like if we were together, and no wallowing in self-pity. I decided to just live life like I always have as if she didn't even exist. At first I felt kind of empty but after a short time I got back to normal and didn't give a rat's ass about Ms. Oneitis anymore. I CHOSE not to let myself fall into the trap this time. If I would have just allowed myself to wallow in the usual obsessive, self-pity crap, I'd probably still be all messed up over her to this day.
If you really want to get over oneitis then you will.
Preach it Eazy-G
Sometimes we can overanalyse things. We can talk ourselves into believeing something that would sound completely absurd to someone else. But there is a silver lining.
The "logic" we use under oneitis is the same logic we use to solve math problems. You just need to separate the thinking from the emotions. Take a step back and realize what is really happening.
Sometimes we need a shock to the way we think to come to this realization though. My last oneitis girl was one of the good ones. I went on many dates with her, but she never left her boyfriend. I should have seen it then, but I finally killed the oneitis beast after she told me she was pregnant (of course that also killed every thought that I had a chance with her).
It feels good to beat it, now I can still hang out with her every now and then and not feel anything about wanting to end up with her. I can even hang out with the boyfriend (it's almost scary how much he is like me though).
If you want to hang out with the girl again, you need to take extra caution. Oneitis can easily come back and bite you on the rear. But you do have the power to beat it, ya just gotta step back and see that it wasn't that great, or that it would never work, or whatever.
Sometimes we can overanalyse things. We can talk ourselves into believeing something that would sound completely absurd to someone else. But there is a silver lining.
The "logic" we use under oneitis is the same logic we use to solve math problems. You just need to separate the thinking from the emotions. Take a step back and realize what is really happening.
Sometimes we need a shock to the way we think to come to this realization though. My last oneitis girl was one of the good ones. I went on many dates with her, but she never left her boyfriend. I should have seen it then, but I finally killed the oneitis beast after she told me she was pregnant (of course that also killed every thought that I had a chance with her).
It feels good to beat it, now I can still hang out with her every now and then and not feel anything about wanting to end up with her. I can even hang out with the boyfriend (it's almost scary how much he is like me though).
If you want to hang out with the girl again, you need to take extra caution. Oneitis can easily come back and bite you on the rear. But you do have the power to beat it, ya just gotta step back and see that it wasn't that great, or that it would never work, or whatever.
comic_relief
Master Don Juan
I disagree with that statement. For me, once I got over my oneitis, that was it. I can still hang out with her but I have no sexual feelings for her. I even tried (just for fun) but I can't even think of her in a sexual way at all. I still think that any guy that gets her is going to be lucky (as far as I can tell she never even kissed a guy).
Still funny as hell to think that I was obsessed with a girl . What was I thinking but I can't forget her and I am happy that i got it because it spurned me onto look for answers and I found this place. not everything is bad when you look back on it.
What I was meaning was that you must make sure you are completely over her. If you have a shred of feelings left, they will grow back and you will be back where you were to begin with, and it's even worse to have oneitis for the second time.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Dealing with it...
Hi,
I am new to these forums but have been lurking a long time and have used DYD series material from David Deangelo for a good 3 years.
Even so, there are times when you KNOW what you should be doing, but your heart tells to to do otherwise. I find these times arise when I am busy with work (biology major), too much exercise, have problems at home etc. I no longer live at home and haven't done so for 2 years or so. I consider myself to be a bachelor and don't mind, for the most part, being in my own company.
Over the years, I have had alot of success with ladies, and some not so eventful 'interactions; which I would rather learn from and then forget, lol.
Noone is perfect, and even with what I would consider to be a reasonable game, I am not infallible to natural human traits and feelings such as vulnerability/desperateness once in a while. The key is knowing how to control the damaging affects that these emotions have, both on you and the way in which people view you.
Which brings me onto how I am dealing with a current state of 'oneitis.' I have been here before and I kick myself for falling into the cycle again, but I put it down to a lapse another area of my life, namely my relationship with my alcholic parents and their subsequent divorce, but that's another story.
Help is at hand
For anyone going through the gut-wrenching pain of oneitis right now, please consider what I have to say. Recently I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for friends/relatives of alcoholics and I have learnt a few nifty tools to help ease the suffering:
1) Break up the day's time-scale into fractions of time, depenent on how long you can go without actually obsessing about the subject of your oneitis. e.g. try going half an hour without thinking about the object of your desires at all. If this is too long, bring it down to 15/10/5 and then minute intervals is it's really bad. Once you have reached your target, continue the cycle again. Before you know it, you'll be up to a few hours without thinking of her/him and your heart will feel a little lighter.
2) The above is difficult if you are holding onto the idea of 'what if' and not letting go. Remember, oneitis is, by definition, an unhealthy one-way infatutation so it is assumed that the other party does not feel the same way you do. Relinquish those feelings, LIVE FOR TODAY and nothing else. The irony is, if you detatch a little and stop chasing the hell out of your obsession, then if there were any feelings from her end from the start, she will come full circle and start to chase after you. This is just the twisted dynanism of attraction, and something that has just gotta be accepted. Use this knowledge to your advantage and if you feel yourself going completely wussy and soppy, wanting to text/email/call your 'it' girl, just consider point 1. It will save you face and heartache in the long run. What is certain though is that pursuing to to point of 'freakiness' is a big no-no. Step back, reconcile, take that girl off the damn pedestal and realise that she should be lucky to be with YOU and not the other way round.
3) Living in the DAY is a very important concept. If you are pondering the past, this is wasted energy because what is done, is done, and no amount of worrying about it is going to change that. Similarly, worrying about the future is pointless because what will be will be, no matter how much you worry about it. Yes, your actions TODAY most likely will affect the future outcome, but the future is not worth worrying about until you get there.
Now picture this: If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, where does that leave today?! With your anus hanging over it, ****ting on your happiness! Be mindful of this and try to work it out of your life. It's easy to say, but as I'm finding now, difficult to implement.
Well. I hope that this helps some people out. I certainly feel better talking about it
Cheers,
Push&Pull
Hi,
I am new to these forums but have been lurking a long time and have used DYD series material from David Deangelo for a good 3 years.
Even so, there are times when you KNOW what you should be doing, but your heart tells to to do otherwise. I find these times arise when I am busy with work (biology major), too much exercise, have problems at home etc. I no longer live at home and haven't done so for 2 years or so. I consider myself to be a bachelor and don't mind, for the most part, being in my own company.
Over the years, I have had alot of success with ladies, and some not so eventful 'interactions; which I would rather learn from and then forget, lol.
Noone is perfect, and even with what I would consider to be a reasonable game, I am not infallible to natural human traits and feelings such as vulnerability/desperateness once in a while. The key is knowing how to control the damaging affects that these emotions have, both on you and the way in which people view you.
Which brings me onto how I am dealing with a current state of 'oneitis.' I have been here before and I kick myself for falling into the cycle again, but I put it down to a lapse another area of my life, namely my relationship with my alcholic parents and their subsequent divorce, but that's another story.
Help is at hand
For anyone going through the gut-wrenching pain of oneitis right now, please consider what I have to say. Recently I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for friends/relatives of alcoholics and I have learnt a few nifty tools to help ease the suffering:
1) Break up the day's time-scale into fractions of time, depenent on how long you can go without actually obsessing about the subject of your oneitis. e.g. try going half an hour without thinking about the object of your desires at all. If this is too long, bring it down to 15/10/5 and then minute intervals is it's really bad. Once you have reached your target, continue the cycle again. Before you know it, you'll be up to a few hours without thinking of her/him and your heart will feel a little lighter.
2) The above is difficult if you are holding onto the idea of 'what if' and not letting go. Remember, oneitis is, by definition, an unhealthy one-way infatutation so it is assumed that the other party does not feel the same way you do. Relinquish those feelings, LIVE FOR TODAY and nothing else. The irony is, if you detatch a little and stop chasing the hell out of your obsession, then if there were any feelings from her end from the start, she will come full circle and start to chase after you. This is just the twisted dynanism of attraction, and something that has just gotta be accepted. Use this knowledge to your advantage and if you feel yourself going completely wussy and soppy, wanting to text/email/call your 'it' girl, just consider point 1. It will save you face and heartache in the long run. What is certain though is that pursuing to to point of 'freakiness' is a big no-no. Step back, reconcile, take that girl off the damn pedestal and realise that she should be lucky to be with YOU and not the other way round.
3) Living in the DAY is a very important concept. If you are pondering the past, this is wasted energy because what is done, is done, and no amount of worrying about it is going to change that. Similarly, worrying about the future is pointless because what will be will be, no matter how much you worry about it. Yes, your actions TODAY most likely will affect the future outcome, but the future is not worth worrying about until you get there.
Now picture this: If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, where does that leave today?! With your anus hanging over it, ****ting on your happiness! Be mindful of this and try to work it out of your life. It's easy to say, but as I'm finding now, difficult to implement.
Well. I hope that this helps some people out. I certainly feel better talking about it
Cheers,
Push&Pull
BBX
Master Don Juan
Yes. Bible material. This post truly nailed it and made me realise I have serious oneitis. Everything in this post is so true, its scary. The way to break oneitis is very vague, look inside yourself?, but other than that very good.Marlimus said:
OK. So how can I destroy oneitis?
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This is right on...and I know I'm going through the ONEitis with LJBF right now...
I gotta effing snap out of this crap and not respond to every freaking text from her I get about a sporting event like I have been doing...it makes me feel like she wants to talk to me, but she just wants to talk about the dang game. It's not gonna get me anywhere. So I just have to chill out some more, respond every so often, and not go overboard by trying to call.
Hopefully this way I can move onto other things...I really don't want a living hell right now.
I gotta effing snap out of this crap and not respond to every freaking text from her I get about a sporting event like I have been doing...it makes me feel like she wants to talk to me, but she just wants to talk about the dang game. It's not gonna get me anywhere. So I just have to chill out some more, respond every so often, and not go overboard by trying to call.
Hopefully this way I can move onto other things...I really don't want a living hell right now.
Yes, you are absolutely right, if you are relying solely on tactics, however one thing you didn't account for was inner game. See the way I see it the way to get the girl of your dreams is to use inner game, be strong, accept the one-itis and conquer it, not by getting rid of it but by realizing that the oneitis doesn't control you. Yes you may feel like you do and it is hard, but you are in control, not the one-itisRollo Tomassi said:
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.