oneitis got me down

[thissean]

So two days ago me and my (now ex)girlfriend decided to break up. The decision was mutual, and both agreed that we need to grow on our own. We dated for about 3 years (we broke up once before and got together again later), and started dating in highschool.

But the last two days have been really crappy for me. And to be honest i feel really sad. the thing is that i know there are lots of other women around me that i can meet, but its been so long since i DJ'd i feel like ive forgotten and i feel like a AFC again. What makes me frustrated is that i know that i can do it, but i seem scared to, but i guess its too soon to get angry at myself, since its like starting at ground zero again.

Ive been thinking about focusing more on my inner game right now more than trying to meet other girls right now, after all, the whole reason to break up with her was to learn more about myself. But i still cant help but feel a bit sad, and i guess its the one-itis, but she and i got really close, and i guess it makes me sad that its over...

i guess the reason why im writing this is that i need some insight, or maybe motivation, or just feedback.

 

[Igetit!]

Imo.this is NOT oneitis. This is just a natural reaction to when a relationship ends. I mean come on,the two of you were together to three years. Of course you're going to feel bad and miss her. Just because you're a DJ doesn't mean you're not human. To be honest with you,the reason you gave for the two of you breaking up sounds a little fishy. You broke up so the to of you could "grow"? Ok,so after you guys get finished "growing",are you going to get back together? If being in a relationship makes you stop growing,are you and her each going to stay single while this growing process is happening?

You said the break up was mutual. So did she come to you and say,"I think the two of us need to break up so we can both grow",and you responded,"Sure,sounds like a good idea to me,let's do it"?

You said that you're a little afraid to start back DJ'ing again. Well,if you get over this fear,and you do start DJ'ing again,and you meet a beautiful,smart,attractive woman who you want to spend time with,and she wants to spend time with you as well,won't meeting another woman and starting a relationship with her cause you to stop "growing" again?

Hey,it's you life. If you want to be alone so you can go,then cool. Go for it.
It's just that that explanation for the break up sounds odd to me.

 

[TheRealSupreme]

The pain of loss will pass in time. It may take as long as a year but it will pass. The best thing you can do is what she is doing...and this is going to be hard to believe and accept.

I have seen this hundreds of times on these boards and you will probably believe like 90% of those other guys that your case is the one that is different.

But, you need to actually see other people. She is. So why not you. You probably do not know that much about women. Many women by the time they do say it's over already have their next target in sight.

Obviously your one of those guys who game got weak as you dated her and she lost interest in you. You probably symped out instead of taking the lead and being a strong male that would of kept her enthralled.

No big. Lesson learned.

 

[slaog]

But the last two days have been really crappy for me. And to be honest i feel really sad. the thing is that i know there are lots of other women around me that i can meet, but its been so long since i DJ'd i feel like ive forgotten and i feel like a AFC again. What makes me frustrated is that i know that i can do it, but i seem scared to,

Alot of people make the mistake of slipping back into their AFC ways once they are in a relationship. They then only realise it once the relationship is over.


Concentrate on inner game and plenty of other women will come along.

 

[Pathgen]

The pain of loss will pass in time. It may take as long as a year but it will pass. The best thing you can do is what she is doing...and this is going to be hard to believe and accept.

I have seen this hundreds of times on these boards and you will probably believe like 90% of those other guys that your case is the one that is different.

But, you need to actually see other people. She is. So why not you. You probably do not know that much about women. Many women by the time they do say it's over already have their next target in sight.

Obviously your one of those guys who game got weak as you dated her and she lost interest in you. You probably symped out instead of taking the lead and being a strong male that would of kept her enthralled.

No big. Lesson learned.

I usually don't agree with what TheRealSupreme, but this time he hit the nail on the hammer for my last relationship.

 

[AlexTheGreat]

I usually don't agree with what TheRealSupreme, but this time he hit the nail on the hammer for my last relationship.

... and mine lol:wave:

 

[imarockstar]

dude i just did the same thing. dated a chick for four years. moved away with her and everything. we had a mutual thing kinda, more me dumping her. but i did it because i knew i couldnt marry this girl, me and her grew apart and into 2 different people, so i see what this guys talking about, he probably needs to find out who he is and what he wants as an individual, not as a boyfriend. on the plus side, being singles pretty sweet. once you get past the sad part (took me a couple weeks), everythings gravy. as far as advice, wait until your really ready. after 3 years, dont get right back into a relationship because your lonely. enjoy this time in your life being single because one day youll be married!

 

[magickarl]

Ideally, you would have been seeing/talking to other women while you were dating her. I've found that break ups don't hurt nearly as bad (as in at all) when you have other options instead of just prospects.

If cheating isn't your thing --- Then don't cheat. You can just mack on girls to keep your game sharp, and not do anything with them. Raises your social proof, respect from the ladies, and desire from the ladies (women want what they can't have)

This is a personal decision though.

 

[Serg897]

You'll be alright. I know what its like - a lot of people do. We all go through the same thing.

Persevere. Focus on your other goals in life. Focus on meeting other women. You might get rejected many times. But eventually you'll find someone else.

 

[Prodigy746]

You had a girl for 3 years, you need to relax and enjoy being single for 1-2 weeks. Just have fun other than girls.... thats what i would do .

 

[thissean]

Thanks for the replies and the advice was great and comforting to hear. I did some self reflection and i decided that i really just need to find balance within myself before i can have a relationship with anyone right now. being an engineer in college isnt an easy task, on top of that my passion for jiujitsu that i have been neglecting.

Just wanted to say thanks and i'm glad i wasnt the only one who felt this way