Oneitis contacts me via facebook after 6+ years advice please

[typical]

Okay let me lay down the ground work, 6 years ago in my early twenties I went agro-afc on a chick that I thought was my one and only. I was hardcore into my weights and muay thai training so was always on edge (my trainer called it lack of discipline).

So to cut a long story short I asked the girl out via text (yes I know) and she declined but gave me a "I'm going out with another guy tonight" reply. I knew she was talking sh!t and proceeded to call her out on her bs drove to her house and literally had a argument with her and her younger bit(hy cousin about the "bs mind games" and "if you don't wanna go out just say no don't give me bs that there is another guy in the picture when there clearly isn't".

I clearly didn't like this sort of disrespect when I hadn't been a pure a$$hole to her at all. She knew I dated girls to work out if they were right for me and I always busted on her in a funny way but never disrespected her the way she and her cousin did to me.

All this happened over half a fu(ken decade ago, and last week as I was just leaving a job interview I catch a glimpse of her walking towards me at first I didn't recognise her and forgot about it completely and continued to banter away with the people I was with, talking about the interview and what not. Today I check my email and look who wants to be friends and then it clicked it was her who I saw earlier last week.

Now I haven't seen or heard from this girl in years nor have I made any attempt of contacting her after that incident outside her house, and tbh I've had better girls since her and even a decent few ltr's with better girls. So should I add her or just plain ignore her request and forget her.

I'm leaning towards ignoring the request because any contact with someone that disrespected me like she did isn't worth a second chance. I keep remembering this phrase which I have no idea where I heard it from.

"One chance per person per lifetime ........... You Screw it up ain't my fault"

 

[SoSuave666]

Still this bitter after 6 years? Come on man! A lot can change over time. Why not add another girl to your circle? If she starts disrespecting you again, you can always leave this time without throwing a hissy fit.

 

[samspade]

I would say the same thing. How can you still have oneitis after six years?

It's pretty simple. If you have any trepidation whatsoever just ignore. If you're totally cool with being in touch with her now then add. Only you really know for sure how you feel about it.

 

[Greasy Pig]

If you think you can finally get to bang her, I say go for it. If she really just wants to be friends, GTFO.

 

[typical]

No she was my oneitis 6 years ago, and I've left a tonne of other things out of thread, and no I wouldn't say I'm bitter just don't see the point of talking to someone who didn't give me the time of day when I was working out who I am and where I was going.

Yea I admit I over reacted and it went south, but over the last few years every girl that I've dated after her havn't given me bs excuses and the ones that have I've left behind.

I think I'll stick to the whole never look back idea and keep going forward.

 

[Skalioppe]

Dude, she originally lied to you so as not to upset you that she didn't want to go out with you. Although it's not good to lie to someone, it was done with good intentions (to avoid hurting your feelings). I appreciate you were upset, and this is an historic you, not you now, but fvck man, your response was ballistic, irrational, overbearing and bordering on out of control!

As for adding her as a friend, you could be opening up a Pandora's Box of emotions on yourself. Those feelings that you've come to terms with over 6 years, may come back and bite you on the backside. Especially if the oneitis you had was in fact limerence. You'd also be taking a step back in many ways.

Conversely, her seeing you may have made her regret her actions and you may have piqued her interest. Time can do that.

If you truly feel you can keep your emotions in check, not go oneitis about her again, and she looks hot, go for it. Otherwise don't add her - close the chapter with the knowledge you repaid her rejection.

Truth be told, if you were leaning toward not re-connecting with her, you'd not be posting the question.... right?

 

[Die Hard]

If you truly feel you can keep your emotions in check, not go oneitis about her again, and she looks hot, go for it. Otherwise don't add her - close the chapter with the knowledge you repaid her rejection.

Truth be told, if you were leaning toward not re-connecting with her, you'd not be posting the question.... right?

There's a flipside to that coin: if he were sure that he could keep his emotions in check, he wouldn't be posting the question, either.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

^^ interesting read

 

[Who Dares Win]

She is simply a weight from your past afc painful life she is the living sign of your past failure and weakness, I see no reason to establish a connection with that part of your life, not only banging and dropping her to feed you ego is worth I say.
Just ignore her, and read what danger wrote in this thread he is wise as usual, in fact I cannot rep him again now.

 

[typical]

You see I was never a fully fledged AFC, nor was I a fully fledged jerk when I was younger. I played 2 contact sports for my school and outside of school I was boxing or kickboxing. So in short I was in shape was making good money and was getting plenty of girls form the age of 18 on.

BUT deep down I really badly wanted a "Disney" type of romantic first love, this girl was what I'd call my kryptonite she was exactly like the girls from those type of movies and I wanted a gf like that. She wasn't a 9 or 10 but a decent 7 or 8 I regarded myself as a 11 back then so when she gave me that bullsh!t line I went ape on her outside her house because I did feel that I was a top notch guy and she should have been thrilled to go out with me.

For me back then I felt it was Karma that all my sleeping around had given me a negative view in society as the "cute guy that gets around". I even went as far as to tell her I wasn't a player nor had I slept with any other girl since starting to hang out with her on a weekly basis.

So in short my ego took a massive hit, and I over reacted. Over the last few years I learned from this website and rationalmale that woman in their early 20's seem to have a "I deserve the best" Attitude about themselves and will sh!t test any guy no matter how good he is. I admit I failed that **** test and got hung up on her.

Admittedly I was involved with low end gang members and my rage was influenced by alcohol and drugs (as my old trainer said lack of discipline), and to top it off the money I was earning I was blowing on useless sh!t. Over the last few years I've had many more ups and worse downs and have finally got my head screwed on right and I'm headed in the right direction in nearly all aspects of my life ... apart from training due to injuries.

But for me it brings back all the harshness of yesterday when I was going through a rough patch and this chick didn't give me the time of day when I know deep down I was clearly a decent guy but slightly fu(ked up. And now when I've got my sh!t sorted she wants to contact me via facebook, I feel like "well sh!t bit(h you didn't appreciate the diamond in the rough back then and now that I'm starting to polish up nicely you want another chance"

I spent a whole year hanging out with this chick trying to keep everything on the down low so she wouldn't get caught up in my crap she knew about a few things and knew there were other girls in my life.

And you guys are right no matter how "Alpha" I thought I was I was very AFC and she is indeed "weight from your past afc painful life she is the living sign of your past failure and weakness". And if I contact this chick again I'm going to relive every single moment from that year all over again.

BUT a part of me wants to contact her meet her and just show her "Yea bit(h look at me now" you get my drift. But I have a gut feeling I'll loose my temper at her.

EDIT : Just remembered she's the reason I started to read up on this forum back in 04/05 before making an account.

 

[SoldMySoul]

I am compelled to respond because I had one about six years ago as well. Screwed me up for a long while. This oneitis even came back around about three years ago and slept with me telling me she aborted my kid. Then earlier this year we started talking as friends since she lives over 800 miles away and even she added me on facebook.

Man I was totally in love with her and devastated when she told of the abortion. It truly is amazing what time does for our healing. It took a few years to get back right. Now I hold no hard feelings and do not desire her in the same fashion. She is still gorgeous, but I am different now.

Ask yourself what you have to lose or gain by speaking with her. If more negs than positives, ignore her. If you want another friend as suggested by another poster, then delve in.