Oneitis is Good!
You know, I am starting to see a pattern here at SS. I think I am having an epiphany. I think Im going to start a thread about it but Ill type it here first.
EVERYONE has a oneitis. No one has truly figured out how to get rid of it. Maybe, we are not supposed to! Maybe, its lifes design. Maybe, its a good thing!
Allow me to expand upon this. Besides all the tips and tricks for managing the symptoms of oneitis, I see only one cure, and that one cure is not found here, or within, or at the gym, or inside another HB. The one cure is time. Time waits for no one and has no master. Sounds depressing. I hate it too.
Yet, what is the reason for this torture?
Anything worth anything in this life begins and is attained usually with determination, work, pain and times of confusion. Think about your pursuit of a degree in school, a start up business, the first few steps we all take towards physical fitness. They all start by taking steps into the unknown and always wondering if you are indeed doing the right thing. Yet, afterwards, after success, we tend to see "O, this is why I did this" and this becomes clearer. Then we have knowledge and wisdom, happiness and pride.
So, why oneitis?
1. It teaches us what we want. When we know what we want we are less likely to settle for what we don’t. Think of the alternative. EVERY girl becomes a oneitis and you implode! We all need a center and although it is painful having a oneitis teaches us what we are looking for.
2. It teaches us patience. Patience is not the absence of action but knowing the timing of when to act accordingly. So, having a oneitis teaches us patience by improving while we wait for the right time to act and maybe there is a slim chance that person comes back into your life when you are more prepared to act accordingly. Or, and more likely, it teaches us patience to wait for the more right girl to come along and act accordingly when she does.
3. It teaches us discipline. Discipline your heart and you can achieve anything. As a man our emotions can be an albatross unless tamed with discipline. Oneitis management is an excellent exercise in the virtue of discipline.
4. It teaches us to live outside our box and agenda. Look, all who suffer but apply management techniques end up pushing out the walls of the box they live in. OP, you are out living it up man! Yeah, its less than satisfactory for now, because not enough time has passed for you to see benefits. Yet, look passed your oneitis for a moment… One day when you are a toothless 100 year old chasing a nurses skirt in the nursing home you will a least be able to remember f^ckin a HB dark skinned girl or HB this or HB that instead of wondering what it would have been like! That is not so important to you now, but it will be later. Living life and making memories for later is an important investment. Thank your oneitis for being so sh!tty that it motivated you to live!
5. It teaches us that no life is lived on the peak or in the valley but in the moments in between. Again, time passes on no matter how you deal with it. What will you do with that time? Some will let it march them into despair. Yet, others, will start to see the moments in between and seize them. Even the disappointing moments are better than floating rudderless and dying while alive.
6. It teaches us that fate, God, life, whatever you want to call it sometimes knows what is better for us then we do. Acceptance. Its called oneitis because it consumes our focus right? Yet many, many times in life, what we want is not good for us. Too much candy as a kid makes you sick. To many nights out partying makes you sick. Even to much money makes you numb to the enjoyment of it. Too much luck makes you lazy. Too much love makes you cold. Life will always be a chase. This is good. Yet, if you don’t extract the moments of the journey the reward becomes only a lily pad instead of a destination.
Ill put it this way. Trying to tie it all together. I have an insufferable case of oneitis myself right now. I cant change what my brain and heart do to me. I cant change the circumstance life gave me. I cant change the fact that I still don’t understand why I met such a great, “perfect” girl only to have her disappear on me. BUT, I CAN change what I do about it! I CAN change my perception of it. I can use it as a tool to my advantage. Instead of worshiping the girl of oneitis I can be glad I have one at all and be thankful for the torture of it. It motivates me. Even though I don’t fully grasp the “why”, I know if I don’t lay stagnate, one day I will know why! Victory will come with wisdom and looking behind at all I was able to extract from the journey.
So, in one sentence.
Stop trying to battle the oneitis but embrace it.
Of course still use all the tools here to manage it. They all help. But I am learning, and I see it in others here… there is no cure all. Only time can do that. If we USE it as a tool instead of trying to get rid of it forever we gain control over it instead of it over us. Men don’t get burned by fire they embrace it and use it as a tool for cooking, warmth, and ever war. Now, if you ask me, that is a HUGE f^ckin win. That becomes a big milestone of the DJ walk. Live life with your oneitis not against it. (till it goes away)
That is what a MAN does!
To the OP and to all…. Keep going on! Was it pook? who said:
“Rejection is always better than regret”
( I do not have this attitude without SS. Thank you all, past and present DJs. )
