"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Oneitis and remaining friends

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Swiftwind

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Hi guys,

I have some particular AFC tendencies, so bear with me as I write through this post. Me and said girl have been friends for awhile (I know don't go for the friends path but then I am not looking for that kind of advice now). At first, I am not interested with her whatsoever since I was still into another girl back then. After things didn't work out between me and the other girl, I started hanging out with this 'friend' of mine. As I am still quite inexperienced, and not spinning plates while hanging out with her, I started falling for her. Hard. And yes, this girl already has a boyfriend and other potential orbiters around her, so I shall not get into further details on that.

The thing is I do not wish to be in any kind of relationship at the moment as I needed time to work on my inner game. I realise that I like her for the individual she is and the logical choice is not chasing after her hoping she will come around. It's just my brain keeps projecting the thoughts of WHAT IF to me and I am stuck between logical reasoning and harmful infatuation towards the girl. Worst still is I think this girl realised that I have feelings for her (urghh it pains me to say this) and has been using me to an extent. Still, in overall, she treats me as a good friend and does add value to my life.

So, my question is, what should I do in this situation? Should I still remain friends with her but distance myself from her? Or should I decide to break off the friendship? Any other interesting thoughts are also welcomed!
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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DropZone3

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While you spend time with her, you might be missing on lots of other women.
Move on my friend.
 
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betterthandead

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Wait, you dislike being in a one-itis or friendszone kind of deal but at the same time you admit you're not looking for a relationship.

So it sounds like you want a sexual relationship. Very simple solution, move on from this girl then.
 
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Swiftwind

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Hey thanks for the reply guys. Really appreciate the thoughts.

Actually, I do not particularly mind being in the friendzone with this girl as I do not wish to go any further than what we currently have at the moment (my logical thinking anyways). I am just wondering if it's possible to just avoid the oneitis feeling I have at the moment while still being able to hang out with her. Or is that just not possible when I still have some kind of emotional attachment to her? Also, regarding moving on, how do u guys suggest I do it?

Off-topic: I am new in this forum. I heard its possible to rep someone for a good post or something like it. So, how do I do that?
 
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Chickfight

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Look man, it seems like you already understand that you do not have a chance to get with this girl. It doesn't matter if she breaks up with her boyfriend or cuddles with you and shows you affection. She just sees you as a friend and that's all she'll ever see you as. You said she already has a bunch of orbiters and guess what, right now you're one of them. Ask yourself if you really want to be that.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Swiftwind

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Thanks Chickfight. You do put matters into perspective though it sounds harsh. I know the consequences of my actions already, just needed someone else to smack the facts again in my face. Time to make a move on!
 
Packers2010

Packers2010

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same thing happens to me man. best thing you can do is No contact her.

and come back when she breaks up with her bf.

the girl i like just come out of a long term relationship in September. n

i didn't really have any plans to " make a move" but i did start talking to her again. now i am fVcking her. so don't say it doesn't happen
 
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