Oneitis and Obsession " Lets Talk "

[greenEyes68]

Hi " Guys" its me again.

I told my story already but i was thinking to get a good discussion going on oneitis , why some people are prone to it and some are not. What causes it and how to get over it.

I know this topic can be found in many search results but i wanted to put a females perspective on it and allow you men to chime in..

First off my oneitis embarassingly has went on for 26 months now. I still see no end in sight.

I dont want to go in great detail again except to add that , me and my onetitis have never really been physical. Alot of push /pull ,head games manipulation, flirting, Massive sexual tension.

Some of you probably are thinking what a desperate stupid woman to be obsessed for this long and not move on..

I couldnt agree more with you

My background in my younger years involved abuse and torture at the hands of a madman... I think this may contribute to my problem.. I am an attractive woman who gets plenty of attention from men better looking than he and even young lads 19-20 yrs old.. I am in my late 30's

The young guys i find it perverted when they come on to me but hey maybe its flattering ??????

Ok so why have i wasted all this time money emotion and effort on one single man ???????????.. I have allowed it to rule my life my dreams my every breath

Is it because we have never been together phsyically ? Does onetitis die after sex ?....

It perplexes me i have read and read why i have this issue and how to get over it.

I read the many tips and just laugh and wonder how " keeping busy" Finding new friends" can undo this situtaion.

Whenever i see him my heart melts my brains starts a darn loop of obsessive thoughts...

I would love to hear ur stories of oneitis how long it lasted and what was it that caused u to get over it ?.

In my situtaion its no because hes the best looking man ever... In fact hes average at best . Its not because he makes millions of dollars or is real popular ..

ITS A GREAT MYSTERY.. :yes:

 

[greenEyes68]

Part of the reason with him is because hes almost a mirror image of my ex who beat me not just his looks but how he dresses and treats me.. Why in the **** would i be attracted to such a man . Maybe i have the stockholm syndrome lol....

 

[jdon23]

You need to just make a CLEAN break from this guy. No contact at all!! Dont go anywhere that he will be.

Everytime you get a "txt" or "call" or even SEE this guy.. u start thinking and acting irrationally.

After a While you will just forget about him. One day you'll wake up and think "why the **** am i still thinking about this guy? Then your oneitis will have been cured

 

[KontrollerX]

"Part of the reason with him is because hes almost a mirror image of my ex who beat me"

Stockholm Syndrome is your answer.

Its a condition where a person is abused for a matter of time by another person but then out of a deep need to believe they'll survive the person begins to fall in love with their abuser via imagined acts of kindness in between the abuse cycles.

For guys there are many reasons we go into oneitis from scarcity mentality ie not thinking we'll be able to get another girl as hot or hotter than our ex or we mistakenly believe that our ex is the only girl who we truly connect with or its one of those sad unrequitted love scenarios and a guy is too afraid to approach a girl so obsesses about her and imagined perfections of her from afar and gives himself oneitis over that.

There's also the type of oneitis that can come about if your pride/ego is wounded by a deceptive lover who drops you out of nowhere when things seemed to be going well or the same scenario things seem to be going well but you find out the person has been cheating on you all along and then suddenly the relationship is over either by you or your partner's doing and then you can begin through obsession get into oneitis for imagining the love that could've been had only the betrayel not taken place.

To put it simply we all want what we can't have which is why your desire for harmful things to yourself is so strong.

You think perhaps on a subconscious level that getting the harmful thing in your life will allow you to undo the damage that the harmful thing from long ago did you. What I'm trying to say is you are trying to change what happened in a previous abusive relationship by getting right back into another abusive relationship rather than focus on fixing what inside yourself drew you to the abusive relationship or kept you there for so long in the first place.

Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.

Ultimately though oneitis is a problem rooted in fear and lack of self worth and in general lack of overall personal development. I think Interceptor could explain this better in total but I've given you a general outline.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LRexwx-VNM

Anyway to close out I think the song at this link here "Don't be shy" is a strong teaching against fear and especially so for being such a simplistic song but generally some of the most powerful lessons you learn in life take form via their simplicity.

"I dont want to go in great detail again except to add that , me and my onetitis have never really been physical. Alot of push /pull ,head games manipulation, flirting, Massive sexual tension."

Do a forum search for Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti Social Personality Disorder a.k.a psychopath/sociopath and read the resulting threads that come up if you would like to know the particular brand of fvcked up your abusers are and how and why their games are so effective at mind fvcking you. In short they are so effective because these people were born to manipulate, hypnotize and abuse people's trust.