Ok here's my situation. I don't in any way intend to make this about religion or whatever. Just i need to get another persons input to give me the kick in the ass. Long post! Sorry!:nervous:
Right so i became a born again christian when i was 14, met a girl at church. We finished after 6 months, yet rather than just getting over her, for some reason i still had feelings for her. Now i was believing at this point in time that God would give me a wife in due time, and that He would reserve her for me. So with my feelings still there, i began to think that there was a reason for those feelings and that maybe God meant this girl to be my wife somewhere down the line. So began oneitis.............for 10 years.
Yep that long. I only promised myself i would never lose my virginity outside of marriage, i wanted to save myself for my wife to be. I cryed and prayed and even told myself it was stupid to carry on being emotionally involved with a girl who i had not seen since a year after we broke up. Not every day was me thinking about her, but from time to time something triggered my emotions and my mind went right back to this girl. Not in a lustful way, given that i never kissed her. And it was also cause of that, which made me think that what we had was special. I believed her to be the One.
My christianity went downhill, i was now living a life of enjoying neither good or bad as it were. Which is the worst place you can be i think. So i had wasted 10 years of my life, didnt have another gf for that period of time. I was a loner.
Fast forward to present day. I decided it was time to move on and forget about this girl from church. It was not healthy. I was stuck in the year 1997. So i met a girl on pof. Big mistake. Yet i knew in advance what would happen. And it went according to how i predicted it would. So why did i continue on?
I lost my V to pof girl 6 months ago, i was gutted! I was on the verge of suicide. My virginity i held as my pride. I felt cheap and used. Yet i felt sorry for this girl cause she was messed up. And lo and behold i began to think "maybe God destined this to happen that we would meet, so i could help her."
We dated in October, our last date was mid December.
Eventually since joining this site, i realised where i went wrong with her, she lost her attraction and branch swung. Kept me on a noose for a month without telling me she had met another guy, despite the fact i asked her to be honest and tell me if she was planning to meet someone else.
Now whats my point? Well ive got oneitis for this girl now. I figured after she was making excuses up and flaking, that i best move on. And i did. I met another lass and we are currently 3 months together. We get on fine, but the difference is, i have not invested my emotions in her. I could walk now and not worry about it. Yet the girl i lost my V to, im finding it hard to cope.
When i found out church girl had 2 children and was planning to get married, i was heartbroken. Devasted! Cryed for days. Yet i woke up. Now i realise that God isnt in the buisness of bringing couples together. We make our own choices.
The one thing i held higher than anything else, my virginity is still nagging my brain. More than this is people say get hobbies and get fit, live for you. To be "me" is to be a christian. That was where i was always happiest. Kinda like i was unplugged from the matrix at 14, but reinserted myself and did something which i regret. I'm torn between my flesh and my spirit.
"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would." a bible quote there which sums me up.
Im not judging anyone here for anything, or being a bible basher. This site and the people in it have helped me in so many ways with the topics and issues raised.
I just dont want to be an old man looking back and regretting never "taking up my cross". I dont want to drift through life. These girls i meet i figure aren't for me. I'm not gonna be happy with them because of who i am. I guess i should have met a church going chick who would be on my wavelength.
Im willing to take critism etc, just give it to me straight. Any other info please ask. My oneitis, my own belief that a girl is the "ONE", is my bane. I figured cause i lost my V to pof girl, that she "must" be the one. No. She is just another girl. I made a mistake, now i must learn from it and move on. God will forgive, and so must i. Improve myself by getting involved in a local church, have fun like i did when i was a teenager. Go to meetings, teach and do some charity work. Forget about women and be selfless for a change. I'd rather be a positive influence in a person's life and help them.
For me the nice guy i have been, is basically my good christian personality. Yet who am i kidding? I put on a facade, a face. Try to be a christian, but in my heart im lusting over women. Bah! So hard to live when im torn between two paths.
It depresses me! What should i do???????
Right so i became a born again christian when i was 14, met a girl at church. We finished after 6 months, yet rather than just getting over her, for some reason i still had feelings for her. Now i was believing at this point in time that God would give me a wife in due time, and that He would reserve her for me. So with my feelings still there, i began to think that there was a reason for those feelings and that maybe God meant this girl to be my wife somewhere down the line. So began oneitis.............for 10 years.
Yep that long. I only promised myself i would never lose my virginity outside of marriage, i wanted to save myself for my wife to be. I cryed and prayed and even told myself it was stupid to carry on being emotionally involved with a girl who i had not seen since a year after we broke up. Not every day was me thinking about her, but from time to time something triggered my emotions and my mind went right back to this girl. Not in a lustful way, given that i never kissed her. And it was also cause of that, which made me think that what we had was special. I believed her to be the One.
My christianity went downhill, i was now living a life of enjoying neither good or bad as it were. Which is the worst place you can be i think. So i had wasted 10 years of my life, didnt have another gf for that period of time. I was a loner.
Fast forward to present day. I decided it was time to move on and forget about this girl from church. It was not healthy. I was stuck in the year 1997. So i met a girl on pof. Big mistake. Yet i knew in advance what would happen. And it went according to how i predicted it would. So why did i continue on?
I lost my V to pof girl 6 months ago, i was gutted! I was on the verge of suicide. My virginity i held as my pride. I felt cheap and used. Yet i felt sorry for this girl cause she was messed up. And lo and behold i began to think "maybe God destined this to happen that we would meet, so i could help her."
We dated in October, our last date was mid December.
Eventually since joining this site, i realised where i went wrong with her, she lost her attraction and branch swung. Kept me on a noose for a month without telling me she had met another guy, despite the fact i asked her to be honest and tell me if she was planning to meet someone else.
Now whats my point? Well ive got oneitis for this girl now. I figured after she was making excuses up and flaking, that i best move on. And i did. I met another lass and we are currently 3 months together. We get on fine, but the difference is, i have not invested my emotions in her. I could walk now and not worry about it. Yet the girl i lost my V to, im finding it hard to cope.
When i found out church girl had 2 children and was planning to get married, i was heartbroken. Devasted! Cryed for days. Yet i woke up. Now i realise that God isnt in the buisness of bringing couples together. We make our own choices.
The one thing i held higher than anything else, my virginity is still nagging my brain. More than this is people say get hobbies and get fit, live for you. To be "me" is to be a christian. That was where i was always happiest. Kinda like i was unplugged from the matrix at 14, but reinserted myself and did something which i regret. I'm torn between my flesh and my spirit.
"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would." a bible quote there which sums me up.
Im not judging anyone here for anything, or being a bible basher. This site and the people in it have helped me in so many ways with the topics and issues raised.
I just dont want to be an old man looking back and regretting never "taking up my cross". I dont want to drift through life. These girls i meet i figure aren't for me. I'm not gonna be happy with them because of who i am. I guess i should have met a church going chick who would be on my wavelength.
Im willing to take critism etc, just give it to me straight. Any other info please ask. My oneitis, my own belief that a girl is the "ONE", is my bane. I figured cause i lost my V to pof girl, that she "must" be the one. No. She is just another girl. I made a mistake, now i must learn from it and move on. God will forgive, and so must i. Improve myself by getting involved in a local church, have fun like i did when i was a teenager. Go to meetings, teach and do some charity work. Forget about women and be selfless for a change. I'd rather be a positive influence in a person's life and help them.
For me the nice guy i have been, is basically my good christian personality. Yet who am i kidding? I put on a facade, a face. Try to be a christian, but in my heart im lusting over women. Bah! So hard to live when im torn between two paths.
It depresses me! What should i do???????