Oneism

[Thomas20]

Ok here is the deal. I think most of you were probably AFCs (as i was too) and suffered from oneism and that girl you suffered from, probably got you to that site.

My AFC time is not that long ago, i just realized this whole stuff a few months ago. And I am still kind of friends with my Oneism girl.

So how did you get over it ? Have you ever talked to her, told her what you felt, told her you do not want her in your life anymore ? Is it necessary to clear things up, or can you come over it by yourself ?

I thought of it like, she is part of my old life, part of my AFC life and I need to end this, to clear this thing, because if not I never can start my new life.

But this girl drives me crazy, first she says she wants to talk, which I do not think is a bad idea and then she makes me follow her around by sms and email and I dont know and IT SUCKS. She sucks. I dont need her.

So what do you guys think?

Do I really need to talk to her, even if it means I make myself an idiot for (hopefully) the last time?

 

[DismantleRepair]

I had a particularly bad case last year, with a friend I had classes with. We were putting on a Shakespeare play and I totally fell for her, made even worse that I knew I couldn't tell her before the play started or else it could totally ruin the show by making it awkward (we had a few romantic scenes).

After the show, it got bad enough that I decided to tell her. I took her aside after one class and just straight out told her, "I'm in love with you." I knew she only thought of me as a friend, but I said I just had to tell her because I couldn't deal with it any more, I had to get it off my chest.

Yeah, it was a disastrous thing to do, and my biggest AFC move to date. For a few days afterward I felt absolutely tormented, heartbroken, as if I'd actually lost a girlfriend.

But, from doing that, I started getting better. I could finally see myself moving on, after spending so much time thinking about her, and thinking about how to tell her. I started thinking about other things. Other things to do with my life. Other girls. Work. Study. Friends. Fun. My feelings for her faded--helped by the fact that we rarely saw each other after the play was over, instead of seeing each other almost every day.

I only recommend a direct talk as a last resort.
If you are able to cut her off cold turkey, do so.
If not, try to slowly reduce the amount of contact you have.
But if, like me, it was a particularly bad case, if you can't concentrate, if you're losing sleep, if you're flailing from euphoria to depression thinking about her, then telling her how you feel is probably your best option.

Yes, it goes against everything taught on this site.
Yes, you will think you look like an absolute fool for doing so.
Yes, if you were friends, you will lose her as a friend.

But if it means closing the AFC chapter of your life and starting with a clean slate, then it's worth it. It was for me. I'm nowhere close to being a PUA just yet, but I'm past the stage where I get hopelessly stuck on one girl and being an Average, Frustrated, Chump.

 

[Thomas20]

Thank you, that really helps me a lot.

I know it is wrong and goes against everything taught on the site, but i just can't get over her. I tried ignoring her for 10 weeks and still kept thinking about her.
I really hate what i got to do. Not that i couldn't do it, but i really do not want to. But I think you are right. I need that clean fresh start, I need to get her out of my head.

You say it helped you, so I hope it will help me too.

thank you

 

[Thomas20]

Ok fvck what I said earlier. I won't bow before her! I won't kneel and make her a ****ing goddess. This damn b1tch doesn't deserve that at all. I cut her out of my life. I fvcking hate her. At best, I seduce her and dump her, once I ****ed her!
This will be my mantra, to never bow again before anyone!

 

[KontrollerX]

You kept thinking about her because you didn't go hook up with other chicks.

Seriously bro its hard but you've got to go cold no contact forever with her.

If you keep picking at the scab its never going to heal.

Hook up with other chicks, hang out with friends and family, throw yourself into your hobbies and focus on living life.

You can't forget her because you are clinging to the past.

Focus on the present and your future and never make a woman your entire life ever again.

A woman is to be a pleasant side compliment to your life but not its entirety.

You need to make your passions and hobbies which are usually one in the same your main life so that any new woman entering your life if she leaves you, cheats on you and leaves you or gets killed in some freak car accident or from a disease or whatever you don't fall completely apart from losing her and sink into depression because you will have your other main life to fall back on without her.

Having your own life also keeps women with you longer than not having one in addition to women as neediness and clinginess to women is a turn off to them anyway which not having your own life in addition to your life with a chick causes to happen because your focus is so totally on her having nothing else to do and focus your time on.

 

[SharinganUser]

Ok fvck what I said earlier. I won't bow before her! I won't kneel and make her a ****ing goddess. This damn b1tch doesn't deserve that at all. I cut her out of my life. I fvcking hate her. At best, I seduce her and dump her, once I ****ed her!
This will be my mantra, to never bow again before anyone!

That is a bad mantra and I don't think you get what this site is about. Hate is just another AFC trait.

If you go down that road that leads to hating women, you'll still be AFC, alone and angry.

Here's an idea, why don't you try keeping her as the friend, and then you can work on being Alpha with all the women she is going to introduce you to over the course of your friendship.

 

[Thomas20]

Hm hate doesn't help either? Great. This thing sucks! Good, when you master Dj are there tell me what I should do. I know this whole stuff, about getting the life I want, concentrating on it, focusing on hobbys, going to the gym, reading more material, going out, meeting new people... I try all of that stuff. I found this site, read the things pook wrote, read "the game", and some more and I finally realised all I did wrong. And I am really trying hard to change. I try every day.

I can't keep her as a friend. First i don't want to be near her. Second she sucks as a friend, I know her female friends, she doesn't have much of them, and she only could tell them what an AFC I am. Great start.

You can't forget her because you are clinging to the past.

Focus on the present and your future and never make a woman your entire life ever again.

A woman is to be a pleasant side compliment to your life but not its entirety.

y I know.

You need to make your passions and hobbies which are usually one in the same your main life so that any new woman entering your life if she leaves you, cheats on you and leaves you or gets killed in some freak car accident or from a disease or whatever you don't fall completely apart from losing her and sink into depression because you will have your other main life to fall back on without her.

Having your own life also keeps women with you longer than not having one in addition to women as neediness and clinginess to women is a turn off to them anyway which not having your own life in addition to your life with a chick causes to happen because your focus is so totally on her having nothing else to do and focus your time on.

I learned that eventually. I wish I head learned that a long long time ago, but I didn't. And now, I try every day to recover and build up the life I want to have. But it is not easy as you can imagine. And it takes time.

But what should I do with her? She insists on talking to me, i don't know why, maybe to torture me, maybe to help me, maybe because she haven't even thought about it for a second.

I tried this cold turkey. I didnt talk to her in 10 weeks. I occasionally saw her twice for a short time since then and it fvcking all popped up again and kept me thinking and I hate myself for that!

So what should I do? Going on the date, talking to her, trying to settle everything to have a clean start, even if it means it will be an AFC thing to do.

Or trying to come over it, by just ignoring her again, until I see her at the next party or whatever.

I can't just go to the next club picking up women, for two reasons, I am not ready for it. I don't know enough about the Stuff, I am not enough self assured yet, I don't have the life Kontrollerx talked about yet, so it is likely I fall in oneism again or could not get a single one in the first place. And the other reason is, I still live at home and I am moving out in october so, until then I could not really offer her much.

What are my chances of seducing her? What would I have to do? Not even necessarily for a LTR or because I want to live that AFC dream, but just to learn, to see if I could, to make the best out of it.

I figure I could arrange some kind of fun date or something

 

[KontrollerX]

You could just start small dude.

No need to pick up chicks just yet but hanging out with friends and getting into hobbies are certainly options on the table that I think you and anyone going through this kind of pain would be ready for as friends and fun is pretty much the universal cure to almost all of life's troubles.

And even in your pained state some chick could start talking to you while you are out somewhere and you may forget your pain in the moment while talking with her or you may see some chick while out and about that catches your interest and you just feel compelled to talk to her despite your pain.

Now I'm not saying hook up with any of these potential chicks just yet but there is definitely no harm in talking to any that you meet.

Anything to keep your mind busy basically.

 

[Thomas20]

I was always talking to chicks. They wanted me their whole life to be their "friend". I am sick of it. I had more female friends than male. Oh god, I hate my old AFC self and I hate everything that is left of it.

So you are saying, I should concentrate on the recovery process and just cut her out of my mind forever?

What if i meet her in the next few days, weeks, whatever? I will meet her. Because I live in a small town und she will be at the same after-school partys that I am. I then she will be so ****ing sweet again, asking me what is wrong. And I don't really know what to do then. As I said, I am recovering not really knowing, how to deal with such stuff yet

 

[KontrollerX]

Alright here is how you deal with seeing her again while out somewhere...

Should she try and talk to you simply keep it polite and keep it brief.

You keep it brief by making some kind of excuse whether it be true or false that you are on your way to somewhere else and need to urgently get there such as the bathroom, to your car or whatever. Thats your exit strategy.

To define brief for you...

No talking to her for more than a minute and a half, two minutes maximum, she is reduced to an aquaintance type of person to you now.

If you ever recover to the extent that she has lost her emotional hold on you and then you see her out in public and she tries to talk to you, you could simply keep walking, yep it can be cold and some would consider it a d!ck move but what do you care as she no longer means anything positive to your life?

 

[Thomas20]

I think the hardest part, is convincing myself that it is completely over. This thing went on way to long and I know that, but I have to really understand that I will never be with her and that there is no point in being friends with her and that there is nothing I could do, to change that in a positive way. I hope my feelings will eventually understand, and I can walk with my head held high and not giving a **** what she is doing.

There is no point in seducing her right? I am not strong enough I guess.

I am really grateful for your advice, so thank you!!

 

[SharinganUser]

I just wrote a whole big thing and it just deleted it because it took me a bit to long to write. So here is the summary.

Need to get your self confidence up, value yourself a lot more. You are the prize , the woman in not. Don't wait to be ready to do anything, just go and do it. That will help build your confidence.

Also just relax, have fun, and go for what you want. Learning is half the fun. Go out to a club, get rejected, see how many ways you and other can get rejected. Clubs are like a hyper dating experience.

One last thing I highly suggest that you stop listening to depressing, sad, emo, afc kind of music and start listening to more aggressive up beat stuff.

 

[Thomas20]

I just wrote a whole big thing and it just deleted it because it took me a bit to long to write. So here is the summary.

That's a shame, I really would have loved to read your long answer, every advice I get is a step forward.

Need to get your self confidence up, value yourself a lot more. You are the prize , the woman in not. Don't wait to be ready to do anything, just go and do it. That will help build your confidence.

Also just relax, have fun, and go for what you want. Learning is half the fun. Go out to a club, get rejected, see how many ways you and other can get rejected. Clubs are like a hyper dating experience.

Y I read all that stuff. But as I said, i don't think it is the question how you view this whole thing as far as being ready is concerned. When I finally have my own place, I will start picking up girls ike hell. I promise that. And until then I get "ready" to be really the prize to be won. I will have the right mindset, know the tricks, and improve my looks as good as I can. So this is definitely what I will do.

One last thing I highly suggest that you stop listening to depressing, sad, emo, afc kind of music and start listening to more aggressive up beat stuff.

Why do you think I hear that kind of stuff. Okay I admit sometimes I heard all of this coldplay stuff when I was depressed. But normally, I hear like Metal, Thrash, Power and Melodic Death Metal mostly. A few days ago I was at a Metallica concert that really was absolutely great.