One of My FBs called out my "withdraw" from her

[returningchamp]

Last night, my FB was staying over my house and she was being b!tchy every time i was trying to get a little heavy with her... (we've been FBs for over a year, so on an emotional level - it's closer to an "open" relationship; she sees other guys and i see other girls. but there's emotions there.)

this isn't the first time she's been b!tchy; sometimes she just gets like this (she is a woman after all).

every time she does - i withdraw my attention from her... often times leaving her presence completely ("i got better things to do than this")...

last night, when she did her final b!tchy thing - i simply smacked her @ss, told her goodnight, and rolled over and went to sleep (didn't cuddle with her or even touch her through the night)... i was quite happy with myself (for not letting her continue to be b!tchy to me just so i could get some sex)...

when she comes around - she normally apologizes for the way she was acting and says she'll make it up to me blah blah blah...

this morning however, she was going on and on about how childish it is when i just shut down whenever she's acting a certain way... saying that we should talk things out instead of me acting like a baby not getting his way... she interprets it as me being spiteful and angry (which is not what i want it to be interpreted as.)... i pulled one out of my PU vault and did the whole "rocks and gold" routine (but i tweaked it)... i told her that when we're together, if i'm being good to her that's like me giving her diamonds; and in return - i expect that she needs to give me gold or diamonds in return... but if she gives me rocks - i'm not going to like that and reject it... this seemed to actually make sense to her, but she said "all you have to do it tell me i'm giving you rocks, and i'll change"... but in my history - i've found this to not be true... i find when you confront a problem head on - it normally makes the problem worse. if i had said to her last night "why are you being such a b!tch" or "you've been being a b!tch all night" - she surely would have got defensive and even more b!tchy...

so... i guess, i'm wondering if perhaps i should considering handling her a different way...

and also, how do you, or how would you handle it when a woman starts pointing out the fact that you withdraw from her whenever she acts how you don't want her to act?

 

[Telos]

Ignore her madness. The more she starts talking about topics like this the more you should just ambiguously pull away or reroute the conversation to some sort of humorous topic. Avoid any sort of negative frame like the conversation that you both had and focus on eliciting emotion from her. Always champion the immediate emotional experience when dealing with women.

There is no point to form a pact on rationality when one party doesn't instinctually respond to rationality.

You've already explained things and if she doesn't like it than she will leave. Judging by the current situation and her apologetic frame, that won't happen soon as long as you continue to maintain the way you have been acting up to this point. Basically, it's a bluff, and she's playing a game that she isn't equipped to win.

 

[bukowski_merit]

you seemed to have handled it pretty well... it may or may not continue to get worse... just don't buy into it... i recently had one of my MLTRs start to basically figure out the same thing... there was very high tension between us because she had "said" that if she started dating this new guy in her life ("a guy who could commit to her; unlike me) that she would be done with us completely. Not surprisingly, this was a bluff, as she started dating him, and didn't stop visiting me... but at the time... she sent me a very long email about how immature it is to walk away from her whenever i have a problem... and how i'm doing it more and more and how it's making her think this and that... and bla blah blah... it was like 20 paragraphs... i read it and immediately sent her this simple email:

" if you're not sure why this is happening more than it used to, let me break it down for you... we're both under a lot of stress because of the situation... because it's spinning out of control and is threatening to end at any minute... and we're both just letting it happen; even thought neither of us really wants it to... and yes you can use the word love... cuz i'm about to say that we're just letting the love hide... and that's hurting us... and we're beginning to replace our soft nights and whispers of a future full of nothing but smiles, with empty nights where we act as if that was a foolish dream... and we try to convince ourselves of that; and each other... we censor ourselves now when we talk... we don't let real emotion come except for occasionally, because why? because of pain... because of fear... because when something feels so good, and so right... you question it.... we wonder what demons we hide inside... because it can't really be this perfect (when it's going good)... too good to be true as they say.... and so we deny it... and repress feelings... and we both know - what we're getting from the other - isn't the full monty... it's not the everything that we know we can get and they can give... and that would be fine under most circumstances... that would be fine if we hadn't already experience the everything... the nights that ended that we can still remember... the hands the hands... holding onto marvelous hope... where heaven is not in the sky... it's in our bed... it's in our eyes... it's in our smile... when we look at each other... if i never write the perfect poem... that is fine... because i have loved the perfect love.... and that is good enough..."

my sole purpose was to elicit a very emotional response out of her (particularly with the last few lines) and guess what? IT WORKED! i had emotions pouring out of her left and right... and she was suddenly in agreement with anything i said...

and she completely forgot that she was supposed to be mad at me... this comes from not giving into her "frame" (as Telos said in his very good response).... i said to myself "what's the best response i can get?" and i said "something very emotional"... and women love that poetry stuff... and i'm pretty good at it... so i gave it a shot... she said she hasn't cried that much in a while... things have been great since...