One-itis (Not the leechy kind, either!)

[theguyingta3]

Okay, so this has been bugging me quite a bit. I've never been in this situation before. Girls have come and gone and I've never really had trouble in the department so that might give you guys some perspective as well. Here's a little background:

A girl that I've known for a little while had just recently ended a LTR with a total nice guy. I remember hearing her talk about how he was nice, "too nice" and immature, plus she was going through some family problems and couldn't handle it anymore. Sure knowing this stuff may throw me into the AFC category myself, but it only comes out on rare occasions (I've still got some work to do.) I absolutely not a DJ (not yet anyways!), but at the same time, AFC wouldn't fit me either.

I had begun to slowly work my way in using the usual DJ bible stuff. Playing the indifferent and sarcastic guy. She's shown genuine interest in being in a relationship with me. We've kissed on several occasions and she had reacted positively. We hold hands, all the usual kino stuff. I had even done the whole backing off deal and make her come to me. Worked. I know she doesn't want to lose me. So eventually I popped the question. She had replied with the, "I really like you too, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I just spent 22 months in one and I just kind of want to be single yaknow?" excuse. She asked me to wait. "Possibly even until summer." Normally I would gtfo and next her into the next century, but this time it's different. It's not the kind of one-itis that usually stems from not having enough attention from girls, so I want to latch on to the one that finally does give me attention either. I'm smarter than that. This is something new for me.

I know most of the responses to this are gonna be, "A DJ waits for no woman!" but I'd like to see if anyone else has any input on that.

TL;DR: Should I wait?

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

One-itis, there is only one kind, leechy!

You are rebound man, which can but usually doesn't work.

Think about it this way, would she wait for you?

Also:

I know she doesn't want to lose me

How do you know, she sure as hell doesn't want a relationship.

So eventually I popped the question

NO! She should ALWAYS be the one to brooch the question! You asking the question is the kinda thing that leads to:

She had replied with the, "I really like you too, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I just spent 22 months in one and I just kind of want to be single yaknow?" excuse

Keep to the basics lad, you went too fast with the 'question'. You could maybe go back in the summer, but until then you gotta disappear. No contact!


One-itis has a habit of sneaking up on you. You must have constant vigilance!

 

[jay_mo]

If you had a clear goal, like "I want to just sleep with her and date other girls" or "I love her and want her as a gf" then people can help you in how to reach that goal.

But don't let people tell you that you shouldn't put effort on a particular girl because "it's not DJ", because maybe you don't want to be a DJ?

If you want her, as long as you have some kind of dating relation do your best and see where it leads. This talk you had is about what she feels right now. She is not ready yet, but this can change - or not.

This situation is actually a dating game just like any other so if you want to make her yours you shouldn't take her words too literally, go on and do your thing - no one ever knows how long it will take to make a girl yours and it looks different in all situations - what she says doesn't matter... women change their minds constantly.
Leaving it until summer I swear to you the chances are minimal that you will ever hook up with her again. (but probably you won't care by then)

Only way you can find out is to keep going and see what happens. It can turn out a misery and it can turn out great. To win you have to take risks.

If you don't think she is worth the risk then move on. Think about the two outcomes, you get her - you don't, compare them pain vs gain and then decide. And if you want to be a DJ - that is, focus on being with lots of girls, well then you already spent enough time with this one...

 

[Mr Wright]

Here's another thing that the community has done which is negative. Guys are afraid to fall for a girl because they fear it, its making guys lose sight of what they really want. I know its not healthy to lust after girls you dont speak to etc but falling for someone genuinely should be celebrated rather than condemned.

Like not everyone is meant to be a "DJ" sometimes you can just meet one girl and she can be perfect for you.

 

[perseverance]

"I really like you too, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I just spent 22 months in one and I just kind of want to be single yaknow?" When a woman says that it usually means that she doesn't want a relationship with you.

I would put her on the backburner if I was you and focus on single women who are ready to mingle and don't have twenty two months of emotional baggage saddled on their shoulders.

Also she says she will be ready by the next summer? Summer 2012? Time waits for no man, never wait for anybody. Carpe diem is important, you must seize the opportunities of each passing day. Never wait around for anyone.

Also don't take the teachings of the DJ literally, you have to become the person you want to be. For someone like Poonani Maker it's sleeping around with scores of women. For me it's about finding a good woman who is worthy of my time and commitment. Don Juan is about becoming a better man, a better man with women, a better man career wise, a better man in terms of friendship and becoming the most successful person you can be. It's about fulfilling potential.

 

[Drdeee]

My advicE

A don't jerk off
B use this energy and lesson to realize every chick has more than one man
C while you are full of these love chemicals approach randOm chics on street

 

[tafakna]

So eventually I popped the question. She had replied with the, "I really like you too, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I just spent 22 months in one and I just kind of want to be single yaknow?"

Popping the question is awful, under almost every circumstances. Things eventually develop to a relationship naturally, and only if months go by and you sense reluctance should you confront her on an issue like this.

Now that you did there's just one way to act. Don't cut contact, and don't appear resentful as that's weak. Keep being nice and funny, but restrict her access to your time.

She didn't want a relationship with you so she can't expect to be entitled to anything. Date other girls, and make her realize that your moving on.

Right now you're an option, which is the worse place to be. She feels she has you under control, and that she can meet other people or even consider to get back with her ex.

You must make her realize that she made a choice, and that you're no longer an option, that you decided to move on and that she's risking not being with you in the future.

Girls will have zero respect for someone they feel is waiting for them. Don't say anything, just change your attitude. If they ask you, say everything is well.

 

[The_411]

The harsh reality is that you are no different than any of us when it comes to this situation sure the names and places are different and minute details are different but the plot is still the same ...

boy meets girl
girl is interested
boy and girl spend lots of time together
boy becomes attached
boy begins to act needy
girl loses interest because guy is no longer a challenge
guy sense girl isn't as excited as she once was
guy tries to increase attention/exclusivity
girl starts to pull away
guy chases
girl says lets be friends


The whole thing is summed up as follows


------------------------B-----G------------------------

------------------------B--G---------------------------

-------------------------BG----------------------------

--------------------------B-G--------------------------

-------------------------------B-----G-----------------

--------------------------------------------B--------G-


Like everything life it's about balance notice how when you first met you were on your side and she on hers. Then you got closer and eventually you kept pushing he away by trying to get closer.

Now to your dilemna her asking you to wait is a test.

The way to pass is to not to wait and go meet other women and stay busy

The way to fail is to say you'll wait be faithful hold resentment and eventually get depressed because she just wants to be friends because she's interested in railing Johnny Badboy who is


-----B------G--------------------------------------

and he's moving to the left then right staying pat then moving left etc. (he doesn't really care where he is as long as he's in control)

If a girl truly loves you she would not ask you to wait. Why? Because asking someone to wait is selfish 99% of the time.

Love isn't about waiting. What's going to change after waiting? Oh hey you know I'm glad we waitied because now I think I'm really ready to get involved ... nope it doesn't work that way.

By looking for other women you are calling her bluff and forcing to make her a decision based on the idea of losing you.

Ever notice that when you're in a relationship it seems like there are women who are after you constantly but when you're not you can't seem to buy a date.

Women like men who are in demand.

So how do you affect demand? The same way you do in the business world. Scarcity (there are other ways but scarcity is the best).

 

[Hollow.man]

^^^^ This, perfect visualisation. Don't get too caught up on putting too much distance between you two though. Although it's good to be unobtainable and the prize, girls don't always take the bait and you have to let them know you're still around from time to time. I don't like games, but one move that works for me is to set up a date, cancel a day before, then NC for 1 to 2 weeks. No longer! The girl will almost always contact you before the 2 weeks are up. Then you are back in control.

 

[Johnnyventana]

To The_411, AWESOME Post. I love it, and so true.

 

[TopGun2000]

never wait. she't not into you. you are the rebound. just move on and enjoy your life.