One of the things I had to learn on my road to self-improvement was that ONE woman’s opinion of you – or even a handful of women – isn’t a textbook definition of who you are. She might say that you’re this or that, giving you signals that are neither positive nor encouraging, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that others see you in that same, narrow light.
Usually, it goes hand-in-hand with one-it-is.
This one girl I was messing with called me all sorts of crap, including shallow and self-centered. Being in the grips of one-it-is, I perceived myself as being these things JUST BECAUSE SHE SAID SO. Not only did I put her on a pedestal, but I also made her the universal spokesperson of every female on the planet by absorbing her input and translating it to mean that ALL females perceive me to be that way, too.
I simply could not fathom how or why she thought of me that way, because I felt myself to be the opposite. So I asked other girls, ex’s, friends, and co-workers (being friendly, in a game-setting type of way) what they felt was my strongest quality, and the common denominator in most of their answers was that I was unselfish --- or other synonyms to describe it.
When you have one-it-is and you put all your eggs into one basket, your natural tendency is to not only take everything she says seriously, but making her actions, words, and gestures seem genuine and universal. “She’s not calling me like she said she would, I must have done something wrong. I have NO game.” One person doesn’t define who you are --- her behavior around you isn’t something that is or will be shared by other women in the future.
This all goes back to knowing who YOU ARE first. By allowing one girl – or even a couple of girls – shake the foundation of your confidence to the point where you’re questioning your social identity and qualities – knowing in your heart of hearts that you’re not that person – you fall in the snare of her game.
You have friends for a reason --- because they like you, because they like to be around you. You have people calling you for a reason --- because they like you, because they want to talk to you. You have co-workers inviting you to lunch, dropping by to see how you’re doing for the same reason --- because they like you and because they want to hang out with you.
Just because one girl says something or acts a certain way that is contrary to what close friends, ex-girlfriends, family members, and co-workers say about you or act around you doesn’t mean that she’s right or serious.
Usually, it goes hand-in-hand with one-it-is.
This one girl I was messing with called me all sorts of crap, including shallow and self-centered. Being in the grips of one-it-is, I perceived myself as being these things JUST BECAUSE SHE SAID SO. Not only did I put her on a pedestal, but I also made her the universal spokesperson of every female on the planet by absorbing her input and translating it to mean that ALL females perceive me to be that way, too.
I simply could not fathom how or why she thought of me that way, because I felt myself to be the opposite. So I asked other girls, ex’s, friends, and co-workers (being friendly, in a game-setting type of way) what they felt was my strongest quality, and the common denominator in most of their answers was that I was unselfish --- or other synonyms to describe it.
When you have one-it-is and you put all your eggs into one basket, your natural tendency is to not only take everything she says seriously, but making her actions, words, and gestures seem genuine and universal. “She’s not calling me like she said she would, I must have done something wrong. I have NO game.” One person doesn’t define who you are --- her behavior around you isn’t something that is or will be shared by other women in the future.
This all goes back to knowing who YOU ARE first. By allowing one girl – or even a couple of girls – shake the foundation of your confidence to the point where you’re questioning your social identity and qualities – knowing in your heart of hearts that you’re not that person – you fall in the snare of her game.
You have friends for a reason --- because they like you, because they like to be around you. You have people calling you for a reason --- because they like you, because they want to talk to you. You have co-workers inviting you to lunch, dropping by to see how you’re doing for the same reason --- because they like you and because they want to hang out with you.
Just because one girl says something or acts a certain way that is contrary to what close friends, ex-girlfriends, family members, and co-workers say about you or act around you doesn’t mean that she’s right or serious.
