One "Contradiction" I've Found on This Site

[Fela Kuti]

Some say: "Don't let your GF tell her problems and cry on your shoulders. It'll create negative association and will turn you into a friend"

The others say: "It's your job to listen to your GF's problems"

So which one should I follow? I often get in a situation where my GF is feeling sad. What should I do? Ask her what her problems and try to give her a solution? Or just console her no matter what?

Thanks!!!

 

[Last Man Standing]

Women, in general. do not look for solutions - they seek comfort in their misery!

 

[MMA Juan]

'Active listening' is what is supposed to be done. As a boyfriend, you are able to listen without looking like an emotional tampon. If you portray the boyfriend role model (Kino, sex etc) and listen then you'll be fine. If you were listening and there were none of the other components there i just mentioned, then that would be a different story.

Communication is the biggest factor in a relationship, and by her feeling comfortable and confident in confiding with you, that's a good thing.

Build up the communication, and master the sexual components of a relationship- and you will be a quality boyfriend.

Don't be yourself. Be your 'better' self...

 

[ready123]

you're missing the big difference between a girl you're trying to game and a "girlfriend"

someone you're trying to attract, you don't let them vent on you too much. you let treat you like an emotional tampon, all you're doing is subcommunicating that you have nothing better to do with your time than let a girl you don't know dump her problems on you. definately not attractive to her, definately a waste of your time, definately counterproductive if you're trying to hook up with her. and yeah, she'll anchor those non-sexual emotions to you if you let it happen enough times

someone who's your girlfriend, you should care about her enough to wanna make her feel better. you guys are further into the relationship and you should've already attracted her. in that case, you SHOULD listen. and I agree with the active listening and not trying to solve their problems all the time. some girls just wanna vent so they feel better

 

[Fela Kuti]

the problem with my GF is that she rarely willing to tell me what her problems are! she always say, "nothing, it's okay". although it's clear that something's on her mind. it makes me feel that i'm not being trusted. like she doesn't she me as her BF. sometimes it makes me frustrated. what should i do about this? because i really want to know what makes her sad. if she's sad, i feel sad too.

 

[ready123]

the problem with my GF is that she rarely willing to tell me what her problems are! she always say, "nothing, it's okay". although it's clear that something's on her mind. it makes me feel that i'm not being trusted. like she doesn't she me as her BF. sometimes it makes me frustrated. what should i do about this? because i really want to know what makes her sad. if she's sad, i feel sad too.

that's understandable. have you told her all this?

 

[Fela Kuti]

yes, i told her more than once. she said, "if i'm having a problem, i usually don't feel like telling it to anybody. so don't feel disrespected, ok?" or "i don't tel because i just want to forget about that. if i tell you, the problem will come back into my mind and make me down again."

 

[WaterTiger]

Fela Kuti~ We don't want you to FIX our problems, just listen while we rant and rave for a while. Nodding and saying things like "Hmmm." and "I see" are acceptable. Once we throw the problem down on the floor, we can usually see a solution for it. If we can't, we'll ask you directly:"How do I fix this?"

Ready123's advice was right on the money. (Oddly enough, so was LMS!)

 

[Lust]

The others say: "It's your job to listen to your GF's problems"

Who the hell said that? It's never a man's "Job" to listen to anyones problems.

 

[Fela Kuti]

ok, i don't intend to fix her problems anyway. my concern is, she doesn't even want to tell me what her problems are! it makes me think, "helloooo, i'm your boyfriend! why hide something??"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Women, in general. do not look for solutions - they seek comfort in their misery!

+1 :yes:

 

[Fela Kuti]

so what should i do about my gf keeping secrets from me? i believe that secrets like this can destroy a relationship.

 

[Sandow]

There's a difference b/t your g/f and girl you're trying to seduce. Girls you're trying to fuk, avoid being their emotional tampon. However, if it's your gf, then you can listen to her bityching and give feedback.

 

[ready123]

so what should i do about my gf keeping secrets from me? i believe that secrets like this can destroy a relationship.

I don't think she's hiding secrets - she just doesn't know how to be an open book to you. She doesn't like the feeling of being vulnerable. You could try to be patient and slowly teach her to open up. Psychologically, sharing is therapuetic, but she doesn't know that yet.

How you would go about doing that though, I don't know.

 

[Fela Kuti]

well, last night i communicate this subject one more time to her. she said that she's sorry for being an introvert, then proceeds to tell me her problem from earlier that day. i'm pretty surprised to discover that she's an introvert. because if you know her, the last thing you'd say about her is that she's an introvert.

so, how to deal with an introvert kinda girl?

 

[Interceptor]

An "intovert" is simply a Person who tries to HEAL looking In ward.

An "extrovert" HEALS by going to others, by going to the Out ward.


Introverts need space and confort to heal.

Extroverts need you to listen to them vent.

 

[wolf116]

An "intovert" is simply a Person who tries to HEAL looking In ward.

An "extrovert" HEALS by going to others, by going to the Out ward.


Introverts need space and confort to heal.

Extroverts need you to listen to them vent.

Not everyone is an extreme, most are in between and this requires space and comfort.

 

[ready123]

well, last night i communicate this subject one more time to her. she said that she's sorry for being an introvert, then proceeds to tell me her problem from earlier that day. i'm pretty surprised to discover that she's an introvert. because if you know her, the last thing you'd say about her is that she's an introvert.

so, how to deal with an introvert kinda girl?

be patient, and GENTLY give her space to open up each time you feel like she got something on her mind

it's gonna take a while for her to feel like she can tell you anything

 

[Fela Kuti]

she said, one of the things that make her doesn't want to tell is that there's something in my attitude that make her uncomfortable to talk. but she won't tell me what it is.

so anyway, we made a promise. that keeping secrets is not allowed from now on. what do you think?

 

[Fela Kuti]

she cried on the phone when we talked about this. maybe she felt pressured. i feel bad now. should i apologize?