One contradiction I found on this forum

[budisudaryo]

So, you guys say if you want to get your ex back don't linger around her as it will put you in the friend zone or something. But you also say don't let your GF still in contact with her ex. I sense some contradiction here. Wouldn't it be better if you let the ex lingers rather than "separate" them since it could make your GF long for him? Psychological thing, she want what she can't have. I'm rather confused.

 

[jafyk]

Your post isn't clear. Anyway, If your ex left you then it either means you did something wrong or in a rare case she has bad judgement. I don't think the ex factor matters in the sense that if you become on a DJ and she notices you she will want you back. So, sure don't hang out with her but you can still hang around in places where she can see the new you or with people who will go back to tell her how much of a different person you've become. Your aim in getting better shouldn't be for anyone particular girl but for yourself. Most times it's hard to get the ex-back as she thinks she knows all about you or associates you with that bad time in her past. It's always best that you move on as you are getting a fresh start. Above all else, consider there are so many other girls out there. If your sole purpose is to get your girl back then consider you might have symptoms of one-initis.

 

[FairShake]

I think you're overthinking it.

When it comes to YOUR ex you know exactly how over you she is. You know if there's anything else to the relationship or if it isn't worth pursuing anymore.

When it comes to your current gf and HER ex you can only go off what she is telling you. If she is still talking to her ex bf it's possible it's not over or that she just loves the attention. Either are red flags that should give you pause.

It's all about what you can control and what you can't.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Your post isn't clear. Anyway, If your ex left you then it either means you did something wrong or in a rare case she has bad judgement. I don't think the ex factor matters in the sense that if you become on a DJ and she notices you she will want you back. So, sure don't hang out with her but you can still hang around in places where she can see the new you or with people who will go back to tell her how much of a different person you've become. Your aim in getting better shouldn't be for anyone particular girl but for yourself. Most times it's hard to get the ex-back as she thinks she knows all about you or associates you with that bad time in her past. It's always best that you move on as you are getting a fresh start. All consider there are so many other girls out there. If your sole purpose is to get your girl back then consider you might have symptoms of one-initis.

no no, that's not what I meant. sorry english is not my first language. please see fairshake's reply.

@fairshake: the point is, wouldn't forbidding our gf to keep contact with her ex only make her want him more? (let's say she still has some feelings). basic psychology here, human want what they can't have.

 

[DonJuanit0]

no no, that's not what I meant. sorry english is not my first language. please see fairshake's reply.

@fairshake: the point is, wouldn't forbidding our gf to keep contact with her ex only make her want him more? (let's say she still has some feelings). basic psychology here, human want what they can't have.

And here comes what I believe in this matter! Men and women can NOT be friends! Friendzone exists so that women can get rid of the guys they don't want! But since she has done something before, she definately wanted him! It's not an attraction matter that they are not together anymore! You don't go NC for avoiding being friendzoned with an EX, you go NC so that you give her time to miss you and understand how good you were! Cause since you talked about psychology, psychology also says that only when you lose something you really understand it's value! It's like rule number 1 for human behavior!

 

[Fela Kuti]

And here comes what I believe in this matter! Men and women can NOT be friends! Friendzone exists so that women can get rid of the guys they don't want! But since she has done something before, she definately wanted him! It's not an attraction matter that they are not together anymore! You don't go NC for avoiding being friendzoned with an EX, you go NC so that you give her time to miss you and understand how good you were! Cause since you talked about psychology, psychology also says that only when you lose something you really understand it's value! It's like rule number 1 for human behavior!

that doesn't answer my question, only adds fuel to it. since NC with her ex give my gf time to miss him, isn't forbidding her to contact the ex suicidal?

 

[DonJuanit0]

Yeah, so if you find a gf that hasn't really overcome her EX and actually misses him and goes back to him, you just lost! NC doesn't always work anyway! If it work for your GF and her EX be glad you dodged that woman and lost her early! If it works for you and your EX you're ok! Although I wouldn't want to get back with a woman that as soon as we broke up found someone else!

 

[Fela Kuti]

yeah, dating someone who's still hung up on her ex is a lose-lose situation.