Once there was a Musician - JOURNAL

[TheMusic]

Help!
I don't enjoy making out anymore. I see it as some sort of challenge, once it happens I stop enjoying. Most of the times it's because the girls I make out with aren't that hot, but I'm afraid it'll happen with hot girls too. Don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Yeah we've all gotten there. Don't worry about it. Natural.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Pacing. Kiss slowly, tease her by maintaining space between you. Kiss bottom and top lips. Open your mouth as much as she does, check each other for cues on open mouth and tongue. Bite with discretion. Be gentle and slow. Passion can be paced slowly.

 

[TheMusic]

I consider myself quite a good kisser, it's just that I don't enjoy it anymore. I keep overthinking, "Damn. Another girl for the 'notthathot-list'. Why do I keep doing this? I should have gone for her friend. Am I too easy? Things will never be the same now " etc. That's the main problem.

 

[TheMusic]

Haven't been around in a long time; massive update!
Looking back at the goals I set in the beginning of this journal (become famous) and other journals (getting a job, get acting lessons, basic life skills, finding a room and gaining social skills) I can say It's going kinda great. My kisscount is at 39, girls are getting hotter lately.

What did I do to achieve all this?
It started a few months ago when I got a room in the place where I study. Suddenly I was able to manage my own time, bring girls, do whatever I wanted. First weeks all went great, but then I noticed I had bad discipline (I still have) and things went ugly. Got over it, and at the moment things are better than ever.

The goals:
- Get a job - acchieved. Quit few days ago because I'm too busy doing things I like, but I'll soon have a job as a music teacher, doing the thing I like
- Take acting lessons - Musical theatre: acting, dancing and singing, the whole package. And guess what; I'm really putting effort in it to be considered for a lead in the show. 25 shows in theatres all over the country; pretty nice.
- Finding a room & basic life skills - Developed themselves 'cause they needed to.
- Social skills - I'm having more and more social cirkles, just a matter of time and nog doing anything stupid to get friends I guess. I'm still bad at that.
- Modelling - Did a TFP (Time For Print) shoot a few days ago and seriously, all girls keep giving me compliments about it. Almost got into a modelling agency 'cause a friend sent them my pictures and this one guy loved it. Too bad the rest of his team didn't think I would fit in.
- Working out - Abs start to develop. I'm a long guy, so it takes some time to look big, but I'm patient.
Girls - Lot of girls are interested, I'm very picky with the girls I already know. They usually also have hot friends, and I don't wanna waste those.

Jeah, and then there's the last part. Sailing and fame. Two things I wanted to achieve. Well, why not combine them? This fall I trained to become a catamaran-instructor. At another sailing school, I still regularly train and offered my didactical skills to teach the new instructors next year. Boss liked it, likes me I guess. A few weeks ago he called me, and said "Listen. They're gonna make a television show about a sailing school. You want to audition?". So I did a few auditions, and got called last tuesday...
I got the main male role!

For now, that's it. I'm going to be busy for the next weeks, but still. If anyone has a crazy challenge for me, I'm willing to give it a try. Love to hear from you guys.

xTM

 

[TheMusic]

Feel like a chick - mood changes?
Wow. As good as I felt yesterday, as bad do I feel right now.
Useless, unhappy and other stuff. Can't find anything that makes me happy. Start texting random girls, eating bad and that sheit. How?

It's probably just some stress. I have a lot to do, had a singing exam that didn't went the way I wanted it to go and things got bad.

I seriously don't know how I do can improve this part of me. Feeling like there's no-one who I can bother with my problems, feel like this guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXxG1ZbMBSU

Well, time to work out. Need to improve myself, but what's the joy if I can't share it with anyone else? Happiest post I've ever made, woohoo, so proud.
I'm just gonna get drunk, 2 chicks want to come over this thursday. One is more of a slut, other I already made out with and has better legs but is more sweet. Think I'll go for her, however, she's a bit flaky.

I like Frozen.

 

[TheMusic]

02-05 The Painter
Little introduction: I have two roommates, two guys. One of them is a real fun guy, part of a fraternitylike organisation and knows a lot of people.

One of them is this girl. He asked her to make some art for one of our walls. I didn't see her the first few times she stopped by, but the last time I was alone with her. She painted a bit, we talked a bit and then I said I watched Frozen (awesome movie by the way). She wanted to see it too so we started watching it together. When my roommate arrived he was like "Did you guys.. mmm?" (he tried making out with her the times she was here before, without result). Nah.

Today she said she would be coming again. She asked my roommate if I was eating alone, 'cause she was too and it would be fun to eat together.

We made pancakes (number 1 food to cook with a girl. Lot of teasing.)
I showed her a video of me playing the piano and singing (had a gig in a large theater yesterday with my brother, and they made a professional recording of it. Awesome!)

Then she started painting, I started studying. When I was finished I got back to her. I started watching TV, and after a while she joined me, on the other couch.

Got up to get us beers, and said "move, I wanna sit too". We sat for a while, getting closer. When she got away i put my legs on the other couch, all she could do when she got back was sit quite close. Then she decided to just lay on top of me. Awesome.

We laid there for a while. Then my roommate got home, saw us there, laughed, grabbed a pancake and left.

We were messing around with the cushions, and she got up, said "I really wanna do this" and let herself fall on me with the cushion in between. I caught her, and we started making out.

Blabla, kissing on the couch, blabla "I'm leaving" more kissing "I'm really leaving". I told her she aldready lost and that she was staying. Stayed for another half hour but then really got up and started grabbing stuff. Not irritated, she told me "If it was random I would have stayed all night. But I really like you." Meh. I think she thought I wanted to sleep with her, which wasn't the cause, I just like sleeping with a girl.

Problemsolver would've been to just get her in my bed. Only thing; I didn't clean up my room. Better luck next time.

xTM

 

[TheMusic]

About being busy
I'm forced to work. All the time. It's awesome!

I passed every final I made till now (didn't make 3, that's bad) and I'm really busy at the moment.
Doing a lot of learning for my current education, and preparing for my introduction test for my second one. Playing the piano all the time to prepare for tomorrow, too damn hard. Should've start earlier. But I feel great. The time I don't spend on studying I spend on working out.

Girls suck. I'll stop masturbating after today, noticed it was becoming a bad habit again. I need more time to focus on self-improvement, so f*ck the ladies. (afterwards).

 

[TheMusic]

Failed after 1 day...
Not the no fap. No fap is going great. I threw a party yesterday, drank a lot of beers and there was this girl. This was a girl from my orchestra who I've been messing with for quite a long time, holding hands, messing around but never kissing. Well, she came, looked gorgeous. All the guys were all over her and if there's something that makes me go it's when I see other guys are tyring too.

I just pushed her into my room, grabbed her and we made out. It was amazing. At night she slept in my room, but was gone in the morning, sleeping on the couch with her friend. I thought it was f*cking weird. An hour later she came back, because she was cold.

I'll see her tonight again. She knows I'm a slut, so I hope it won't be too awkward.

41.


New goal:
Change of lifestyle. Soon I'll be an actor. I can't be messing around.
You never see people like that chase after girls. The really hot ones just come to them.
And they don't care.
I need to stop caring. Need to find other things to make me happy.

Pure abstinence from now on.

 

[TheMusic]

Totally failed.
Can't do that ****.

Chickcount +7. (48)

First one was one of my acting buddy's. We kissed on set, and continued in the bedroom.

Next two where at a barbecue party. Drank too much, made out with two ladies.

Following three at a party, in a weirdass game.

And the last one last night, some girl set me up for a blind dat, which ended in my bedroom. Was too drunk though, kinda agressive, but made it up the next morning. She had a hicky and I had biting marks so I'm still not sure who of us was more agressive.

I need to find a way to persist my goals 'cause I really suck at that.

Well, two more girls and I have my 50. Awesome. Slut. Man*****. Very nice, very very nice. Not. I'm ashamed but **** it, can't do anything about it except changing myself, which is hard.

Old habits die hard.

 

[TheMusic]

Lessons

Chickcount +5; 53
1. Introduction week, club.
2. Introduction week, club, went home with her.
3. My own house party, way too drunk.
4. Drinking with a friend, club.
5. Drinking game at my house, just the two of us.

So the last four months I haven't posted anything here, nor have I been really active on the forums. It has a few reasons. I wanna talk about the things I've learnt for the last half year. About the things I need to learn to be a more complete person. About how I need to challenge myself. First challenge: finish this post and don't give a **** about if people react or not.

First things first; learn to live with mediocre. I'm not a great writer. I can't write a great post; too bad. If I want to improve I can't throw everything away. This also counts for girls, grades, a house; everything I believe. If you're always being a perfectionist than nothing can feel great.

Clean up. If your desk is a mess, your living room is a mess, your kitchen is a mess; great chances that your mind is a mess too. I've had a really hard time studying and focusing lately, until I started to clean everything. With every square meter of floor I was able to see again I felt better and more motivated.

Lose habits. Most habits are bad habits. Try something new, new route, new morning routine, make life interesting again. Also, if you don't succeed at first, try it another thousand times. What do you have to lose?

Grow a pair. Seriously. So what if you get rejected, you tried and know the outcome. If you don't try the answer will always be no.

Healthy living. Only if you completely change your mindset you will succeed and that's a pretty hard thing.

Practice what you preach. All of the above seem random advices you can find all over the forums, but they are all things I need to work on. My house is a mess, I don't live healthy and I have a lot of bad habits. But I'm starting with this mediocre post, just as an introduction to the changes I'm about te make.

Stay tuned!

Oh, and if you dare; give me a challenge. I'll complete them.

 

[TheMusic]

+1, 54

Bad decisions, strange stuff
Celebrated a traditional holiday with my classmates, for which we had to write poems about eachother.
I got totally burned about my vanity. I have a photo on facebook from my last photo shoot, but apparently they think I'm an arrogant prick for using it.
Too bad.

So I had a few beers, and decided to go out, although I had to get up real early to finish some work for school this morning.

There I was, dancing, having fun with mates when She came along. She was a pretty girl from my hometown, who I hadn't seen in a few years. I used to be teammates with her brother, and I totally hated that guy. He was arrogant, annoying and an enormous bully.
But hey, he had a pretty sister. So we talked a bit, I felt the attraction and just went for it. Made out for a while, but she stayed at her friends and I didn't know where I would stay that night so I let her leave without much of a struggle.
She didn't want to tell her name and said I should put in a little effort in finding her on facebook. I'll make her wait.

Somehow I managed to get home that night. A girl traveled in the same direction as I, so we went together. When hugging goodbye she tried to make out with me. I gave her a kiss and left.

Woke up, finished school project this morning and have to hurry but I had a fun night.

 

[TheMusic]

Amazing day, ****ty night
I've had one of the greatest days I've had in quite a long time, followed by a night so ****ty i can still feel the aftermath.

It all started on a beautiful monday morning. Nothing good starts on monday, you say? Well, my day did.
I had a productive day, made music, finished summarizing what I had to learn for my tests and wrote an essay; awesome.
After that I went to my sportsclub to help in the kitchen. I was there with a lot of pretty girls, and all (but 1) really liked me and I had a great connection.
I have to make my own team, so I was socializing, the girls helped me find new people and it was great. After that had a few drinks at the club while talking to people; great.

But then we went to a "party". First went to someones house and ate something, after that we left.
The party was from some kind-off sorority thing, really big, with girls you can recognize by their hairstyle and little fat belly and there were also a lot of frat guys, recognizable by smooth hairstyle and the fact that they were ALL ****ING ARROGANT. Also the girls. Everyone thought they were better.

I had a ****ty night. Couldn't make good contact with anyone, didn't stand out 'couse everyone was wearing a nice white shirt, just like me.
On a certain moment I just thought: "enough of this" and went home.

Blargh.

Today was a ****ty day. Had to learn for my test, but have only just begun.

 

[TheMusic]

+1, 56. Today I noticed I had 2 number 40's in my list... woops!

Like a boss
Last saturday I had a small party at a friend. It ended early, and I remembered one of my old girls invited me to her house party. She was pretty and I knew she was also single, so why not?

Headed over there, and then the door was opened by three girls, two dressed as hookers (the theme was Twins, so that was their costume). Introduced myself to a lot of people, talked mostly to the girls and went dancing with them. The girl I came from tried to set me up with one of the hookers, and after that with another friend of hers.
I had a great time, enjoyed myself, and I noticed that there weren't, besides us, a lot of fun people at the party. There were a lot of locked rooms though, indicating a lot of action going on.

So I was walking in the hallway to get a new beer when two girls stopped me and said: "You know the girls at this party have chosen you to be the most desirable man here? Congratulations!". They were genuine, and I got a huge ego-boost. After that I went to a room where people were "dancing", got to spotify and started playing tunes I loved. Everyone started to dance much more energetic, it was amazing. One of the guys said I was the coolest dude he met that evening, just 'cause our music taste was really familiar.

After a while it started getting hot in there, so I went to an empty room to take of one of my shirts. Then the "hooker girl" came in.
I'm not the long conversation type. We talked, she kissed me on the cheek (they had a lot of lipstick on so I commented on that), we kinda danced. All i did was ask her.
TM: Why are you here?
she: I wanna watch.
Then I just grabbed her and we started making out.
Got head, had fun, went out, to see the party was almost over.
Had struggles finding a place to sleep, managed to claim a matress on the hallway. Lots of cuddling, making out, other stuff.

She wasn't that pretty. She was a slut. But I felt pretty desired that night.

 

[TheMusic]

Aaaaand somebody broke into my appartment.

Only thing missing (till now): iPod touch, with a lot of old pictures, documents and selfies.
**** this sucks. I believe I changed all the passwords I needed to change and disconnected it from dropbox.
Did I forget something?

 

[princess_124]

OK, so you first kissed a girl when you were only 14 years old? uhh....kids really need to be kids again.

 

[Amo]

You have mood swings, no appreciation for other people, a theme of "I need to stop caring", an active count of women, alternating egomania and depression, and no ability to learn from your mistakes.

It's clear that you have unresolved issues.

Please make yourself whole first.

 

[TheMusic]

Thanks for the slap in the face... Although I guess you're right.

Let me give you a little more background; all my life I've had trouble fitting in, making friends, getting girls; I always felt like I was the only one not getting it.
When things started to succeed with the ladies I overreacted.
There are some issues, that's true.
But I'm not really sure if that's the purpose of this topic.

 

[TheMusic]

I'm back?

When I first checked this website I was young, just hit puberty and wanted to know how to get girls.
It didn't make me happy, on the contrary.

Right now I'm more concerned about how I'm gonna get my **** together.
Quick intro; 3rd year of college right now, double major (worst idea ever), 2 days of internship a week, play in an orchestra, two acting groups and I'm in a rowing club.

Starting a double major was a mistake.
Last year I was bored. I learn quite fast, and college got quite boring, so I applied to university and got in. One month after that I had my big breakthrough in acting and that's when it all started to get quite complicated.

Right now I'm stuck. Though things are working out okay with the ladies (thanks puberty) I'm still a socially awkward guy. I've learned how to mask that by acting but every once in a while I notice I completely break down.

My problem is the following: I'm not sure what to do with my life so I just do everything but without any clues in completing those things succesfully.

All my last posts have been quite whiny; I'm sorry for that. After all the bragging it's time for me to focus on changing myself and my environment, and I could really use a helping hand.

 

[TheMusic]

Messed it all up
Sorry to bother anyone with this, but I needed to share what's happening to me right now.

- Missed a class at university and now I can't complete the course, what means that I have to do it next year AND that I have to pass all my other courses to not be expelled.
- Missed a lot more classes at the conservatory than I intended
- Got in a clash with a teacher at the conservatory. I know I'm right but he says I can't finish the course this year.
- Didn't pass a test that I SHOULD have passed because it was supposed to be one of the easy ones, that's what I told the teacher when I asked him if I could skip all his classes
- I have debts (with myself, but sill)
- I'm drinking way too much
- I'm in third year and still need to finish year two courses

So... How the hell am I supposed to make it all right again