On Point's Approach Journal: No Sleep 'till DJ

[On Point]

'sup fellas. This site is awesome, they ought to start making public service announcements out of this stuff instead of going on about air turbulance. You guys are awesome for sharing your knowledge.

About me: I'm 31, 6' 185 lbs, average face, decent build, good job, nice car. In the past I've always been the "nice guy" and total AFC, because I didn't have a clue.

I started on the DJ Bible homework and quickly realized I'm already fairly confident and have a sense of humor, so I don't need to go quite that slow.

My pledge to you is steady approaches without the whining and BS. There are a few days each week I don't have time to go out, but otherwise I'm on it.

I can definately use help, so thanks in advance.

 

[On Point]

Monday

I usually run at a HS track. There's rarely anyone there, so instead I decided to go downtown and run around the waterfront to get some EC and hello's done.

Lot's of couples. The only single chicks there were either on bikes or running really fast and they definately weren't interested in making EC or talking to anyone. There was one HB6 who made eye contact with me, I smiled and she smiled and blushed a little bit. That was fun, but I could see this place was mostly a waste of time for meeting people.

 

[On Point]

Tuesday

I used to stay home a lot but I decided #$^% that, if I don't have something going on, I'm going out somewhere. Today it was off to the mall to get some new clothes. I've lost 25 lbs since December and all my clothes are hanging off me. Some of them are kind of boring too.

Tried to make EC as I was walking around, and I think I learned my first lesson. It seemed like women would look at me when they thought I wasn't looking but avoid direct EC.

In the stores I chatted up the employees and got some decent clothes that will show off my build a bit. It was good practice and boosted my confidence a bit.

 

[On Point]

Wednesday

Today I took my first boxing lesson. I had always wanted to learn, and I thought what am I waiting for, so off I went. It was fun and a great workout. By the end of this Summer I should be in the best shape of my life.

I thought it also gave me something good to talk about, so I decided to hit some bars to "celebrate".

*** Approach 1 ***

The first bar I went to I could see I was way overdressed, and I didn't want to feel real self-conscious so I walked over to some of the more upscale bars where I knew I would fit in. As I walked in I saw three HBs sitting at a nice table. There were way younger than I would want to date, so I figured perfect practice. I grabbed a beer and went over.

Me: Excuse me, I've got 20 minutes to kill, mind if I join you?

HB8: Uh, go ahead.

(YES!)

HB7, HB7: [Mostly ignore me and keep talking]

The HB8 was friendly and the other two talked to me a bit after they finished what they were talking about. The HB8 was definately qualifying me. One of them pressed me on the 20 minutes thing, I said a friend was coming to meet me (not true). After 30 minutes she asked me about it again, I said he was flakey and I had forgot my cell phone (true) so I was kinda screwed. That seemed to satisfy her.

I found out they were 26, 25 and 23. If I'd had to guess I'd have said 18, 19, 18, they looked really young. I got them to guess my age and they said 26.

They started packing it up to go to the next place and I said goodbye and left through the other side of the building.

I did a good job keeping them talking but didn't turn the conversation sexual or get any kino or anything going. I think with some more game I could have got further with the HB8.

*** Approach 2 ***

I was feeling good after my initial success, so I went over to another bar. Saw a 4 set (HB8, 7, 6, 6) sitting at a table, started thinking, "Man, this is easy". It kills me I haven't been doing this my whole life. Anyways, I get my beer. The bartender asks me if I'm sitting at a table, I say "hopefully".

Off I go (3 second rule is golden).

Me: Hi. Mind if I sit with you for a bit?

HB6a: Uh, no. (Eyes light up)

HB6b: If you don't mind sitting with a lot of women, another four friends are coming for a bachelorette party.

Me: I think I can handle it.

Now I'm thinking, holy !@#!, gold mine. I'm going to be sitting with 8 women. I start chatting up these four. The one on my left (HB6a) looks pretty glassy eyed. She's talking to me a lot and into me from the start. At first I'm talking a bit with all of them. Two of them are pretty passive so I focus mostly on the HB8 and HB6a.

A little bit later the other four arrive and we move to a table. I make my next mistake - I sit on the end and the HB6a sits across from me and the HB8 sits on my left. The bride to be is across from me diagonally. At this point I'm just talking to the HB6a and the rest are talking amonst themselves. HB6b tries to get a word in occasionally and I can tell she is interested too. I keep talking to the HB6a for practice until they start opening gifts and then I bail. I didn't want her number, although I'm sure she would have given it to me.

I messed up by commiting too much to the HB6a. The other HBs were starting to get annoyed with her for focusing on me and not the party.

In a group how do you guys keep from getting locked in with one chick?

 

[On Point]

Thursday

One of the shirts I bought Tuesday still had a security tag on it, so back to the mall. I talk with the employees, get some more clothes. Get hungry, to the food court. No one to approach, so I sit with my food.

As I'm eating two women sit at the next table, HB7, HB7. Off I go.

Me: Excuse me, do you women want some company?

Erf, lame opening.

HB7a: What?

Me: Do you women want some company?

HB7a: Aw, that's sweet. We haven't seen each other in a long time, so no thanks.

Rejection.

I go sit down thinking man that was a lame opening, but I make a point of not reacting visably and stay relaxed. I finish eating and as I'm walking off the HB7a says "Have a nice evening". At least she had some class.

 

[On Point]

Friday

I've been looking forward to going out Friday, when more women will be out and about. I decide to go see some live music. I show up about a hour early to hang out at the bar nextdoor first.

Bar is pretty empty, two women are sitting together. I'm thinking crap, the two friends thing again. But, I get my beer and I'm off. HB8, HB6.

Me: Hi. I've got some time to kill. Mind if I sit with you for a bit?

HB8: Go ahead.

They were talking about ex-bf's and finish that conversation and then we talk about music and politics for a while. The HB8 and I have nothing in common, but we had some good conversation. I challenge her on a bunch of !@#!, keeps things fun. I don't see anyone else to approach, so I stick with them until the doors open.

I get in and it is pretty empty too. Mostly sets of friends and couples. I talk to a couple different groups for practice and to kill time. On group had a single HB8 and I talked to her some, but I wasn't into her and I could tell she wasn't into me.

One problem I have is women will tend to snap judge me a bit negatively if I tell them what I do - I'm a software developer for a consulting company. I was thinking about using a line "If I tell you you'll probably throw yourself at me and that could be really awkward, I don't even know if I like you". I haven't quite had the balls to use it yet. What do you guys think?

After the first band plays I see a HB7 standing by herself yawning.

Me: Tired?

HB7: Yeah, I get up at 4:30 or 5.

She is pretty friends and we talk for a bit. At one point some friend grabs her or something and she makes a short wave to me. Later she comes back. Even though she isn't super hot she is friendly and I like her. She's the first girl I've met this week that I'm actually interested in. She works for a music distribution company which is cool.

I go off to get another beer and ask her what she is drinking (oops, I know AFC). She says a lot of words, the only one I hear is Sprite, so I come back with my beer and a Sprite for her. She doesn't seem shocked so I guess I got it right.

Next band stars playing. Towards the end she says a bunch fo words, I only hear "bathroom" and I nod. She walks off. I have to go too so I go and when I get back I don't see her, assume she is still in bathroom. She doesn't come back, either missed me while I was gone or slipped out.

!$#@!. I was into her and was going to try to #close. Now I'm bummed out and head home.

I guess I should've got the # way earlier?

 

[On Point]

Saturday
So I went kayaking for three hours today, and was kind of tired, but instead of being lazy, I went out anyways. And let me tell you, I would've missed out if I hadn't.

Let me tell you fellas, social proof is for real. I approached a four set sitting at a table outside a bar. Sat down with them. The prettiest one was an instant ***** and I didn't like her at all so I pretty much ignored her althoguh I could probably have gamed her some. I talked to the others for a while. The one I had been interested in had kids. I hung out for a while but they weren't all that friendly to me so I finished my beer and was going to go.

I had borrowed a chair to sit with them. I went to return it to the table I took it from, occupied by a two set, HB8, HB7.5. They started chatting me up so I introduced myself and sat down. They wanted to know how I knew the other four chicks and I told them I didn't know them, but they didn't believe me. LOL. I told them to go ask them and they were impressed I had the balls to sit with them. It turned out they were both married with kids, they had come to town to get away for a bit and were staying in a hotel. We chatted for a while and they were fun. I gave them a ride back to their hotel and they wanted to dangle their toes in the hottub. The pool area was closed but we hoped the fence. I talked them into getting in the the hot tub, and we ended up going back and forth between the pool and the hot tub three times. It was fun. They flirted with me a bit, some kino, etc. I could tell they would've liked to invite me up but knew they shouldn't and I liked them so I wasn't going to try to get them to wreck their marriages or anything.

I know some of you are thinking attention *****s, and I'm sure they liked the validation, but I had fun. And to think I almost stayed home.

 

[On Point]

Sunday

On the 7th day, On Point rested. I did go for a run downtown and approached a older woman who was jogging. It took me a while to catch up with her. Talk about chasing women. She was wearing headphones which makes it a little bit tougher to be smooth.

Me: Excuse me (Knowing she can't hear me anyway)

Her: Huh?

Me: Hi. Are you stalking me?

Her: What?

Me: Are you stalking me?

Her: [Blank stare]

Me: We keep leapfrogging

Her: [Finally understands what I was saying. Blank stare]

Her: Well you're a lot faster than I am

I like this, because now I know she's been noticing me. I should've used this to say something funny. Instead I went with my default, which is just to be confident and plow forward.

Me: I'm David

[Long Pause]

Her: I'm Sarah [puts headphones on]

Her: [Looks at me]

Me: Smile and nod

Her: [Runs off]


I think she was taken totally off guard. She was too old for me and I think not used to being hit on. I think if I ran into her again on another day I could probably build more rapport.

Hitting on joggers is an uphill battle. Much easier to just approach groups in bars.

I was getting a lot more looks this time which was cool.

 

[Man Man]

Awesome work dude, you are making progress fast.

Also, for the joggers, you should wait for them to take a break or something. When they're running they're a lot less likely to want to talk.

 

[On Point]

Thanks for the encouragement Man Man.

Monday

Went to boxing lesson 2, very tired afterward. Went grocery shopping, didn't see anyone to approach.

Tuesday

Today was a rough day. It occured to me I knew where the girl I failed to #close Friday worked, so I called her at work. It didn't sound like she normally gets calls there, but I got put through.

Me: Hi, this is On Point. I'm the good looking guy you were flirting with at the <band> show.

Her: Oh (or something like that, don't remember. Attempt at humor here clearly failed)

Me: I'm going to be in your part of town today, can you meet for lunch?

Her: well, there is a company BBQ today, so that's not going to work.

Me: Oh, well would you like to go out another time?

Her: Possibly. This isn't a good time. <gives me e-mail address>


I get off the phone and send her this e-mail:

Sorry if I caught you at an awkward time. The website does say e-mail or call for any reason at all. It also says you’re open 9am to 6pm, California time. Why California time? Why not Oregon time?

You sounded mildly disturbed on the phone. I’m assertive and resourceful, but not a stalker, so don’t worry, if you’re not interested you won’t hear from me again. I enjoyed talking with you at [venue] and would like to know you better. If you’d like to go out and do something fun and low pressure, great, otherwise, I hope you have a great Summer!

On Point

P.S. If you’d like to know a little more about me feel free to e-mail me questions or call just to talk a bit. My number is [#]


Shortly after I get an e-mail "I'm not interested". Ouch. We had a good interaction at the concert, so I can't help but think I AFC'd this one up somehow. As I mentioned in a previous post, I was going to #close her then, but she slipped out. I guess that was my first clue, but I thought she liked me. She seemed annoyed to be called at work.

I went back out to bars tonight, but they're weren't many women there.

I had two successful approaches today, one at a bar, another at a park. Both times the conversation went smooth but there was no attraction. Maybe this was because I wasn't feeling them but it seems like I'm getting good at just keeping a conversation going and hitting a plateau.

I got rejected by a two-set, but I think they genuinely just wanted to talk to each other. I cold approached a woman outside a restaurant and got rejected, but she thought about it for a moment. She looked quite a bit older so it was easy to shrug.

This would seem to be the painful "getting used to rejection" phase.

I also chatted up a couple store employees. I had a person ask me for directions, and another for help parallel parking. That is unusual, usually in public people don't talk to me like that, so hopefully that was a sign I'm changing for the better.

Rough day, but tomorrow I'm going to a Blues festival and there should be a ton of woman to approach.


I also bought a few books, I'm going to learn latin and study Greek culture. I got a book on existentialism someone on here suggested as well. I also signed up for Salsa lessons.

 

[On Point]

Wednesday

The Blues Festival was NOT good for approaches. I was unpleasantly surprised. Most women were with boyfriends or parents.

I did approach a three set. Sat down and talked with them a bit. It went fine but I wasn't really feeling any of them. I've noticed it tends to be the case when approaching groups that one will talk and the rest will giggle a bit and then pretend they aren't listening. AGOG?

I approached a two set and they clearly didn't want to talk so I moved on.

All in all a pretty lame day. Bummed me out a bit.

 

[On Point]

Thursday

Went to a tattoo place, I'm working on an idea for a second tattoo. Went to the bookstore to look at Greek art books. Could've probably approached women but was a bit down and tired and didn't want to try. I've been taking a fair amount of rejection. My skin is thickening but these things take time.

 

[On Point]

Friday

Found some good group outing to attend through meetin.org. Went to the "Run of the Bull****ters" with my friend's wife. (Yes, wingwoman!) I've realized my friends wives are generally willing to go out with me which I should take advantage of periodically. So the run was a pub crawl based on the run of the bulls. You wear a white shirt and red sash and there are "bulls" in viking helmets. Every couple hours they blow a whistle and you run to the next bar with the bulls chasing you.

It was pretty fun. I did a good job of chatting up people but the selection of chicks was quite meager.

I had high hopes for the evening and my wingwomen, but alas, no luck. I should've branched out a bit a checked out the women who weren't part of the group. Sometimes obvious things like this don't occur to me until later. Doh.

 

[On Point]

Saturday

I actually had a date today through match.com. We went to the Blues Festival and then Swing dancing at a ballroom that just opened. We weren't into each other and she started acting a little wierd. This was something to do with her, my game was actually pretty good, and I ran into people I knew and had good social proof, and kept things easy and fun. She was not a good talker. I don't like quiet woman.

After she left I went back in and danced with 30-40 woman. Many too young for me, but I chatted people up and worked up social proof. One girl I was into and we started talking more and more. She was a bit young for me (25 or 26, I'm 31) but I still asked her out.

It turned out she is going through a divorce and still married. We sat and talked for a while and I like her but she is in a lot of transition. She's really the last person I ought to see but she was pretty and given how little success I've had lately she was tempting. She goes to the ballroom regularly so I left it "let's be friends, and I'll see you around here". I walked with her out into her car and she was definately into me. Might turn into something down the road, but like a said not ideal.

The good news is, ballroom is golden. I used to go a lot and met girlfriends. This place is near by home so I can go once or twice a week.

I start Salsa lessons Thursday, I signed up for that before I found this ballroom, now I regret it a bit but oh well can't hurt.

One thing I noticed was one woman seemed to be into me and I didn't pay her much attention. I think she got the impression I wasn't interested. I think I do this more often than I realize consciously, that's something I need to work on.

 

[On Point]

Sunday

Went kayaking on another group outing. There was one single girl in the group who I talked to a little bit. There was another guy who was into her and I wasn't especially so I didn't really pursue her. She showed some interest in me and the guy started trying to neg me. I deflected him with some humor and pretty much ignored her. I figured that might make her more interested in me and I didn't want to deal with the guy. I think she just thought I wasn't into her at all. No big loss.

I figure getting to know more people is good even if there is no one to approach. Good practice plus can turn into social proof down the road, although really I am not that calculating about it!

Monday and Wednesday I've got boxing practice. I'll try and go out Tuesday or work some approaches in during the day. I'm working from home so it takes a little more doing. I keep thinking about the chick from ballroom. That's the problem when I've got nothing going, oneitus sets in. At least I'm keeping busy and improving.

 

[Lust]

Hey mate this is awesome, not a lot of guys who actually do some work around here.

A few tips though.

Get a more interesting opener,

You have about 3 seconds after you say the words "Excuse me" to either triggering the ***** shield or avoiding it.

Also, it sounds AFC, you are confident, ****y, you are the man, you don't need to worry about being polite.

I also think you need to inject more humor into your sets, when women laugh, their shields go down. I read a few of your reports and most of your sets were pretty plain, not a lot of really C&F in there, but you didn't get too detailed with your sets.

One last thing, engage the WHOLE group.

Don't open the your target, the hottest woman there. Open with an obstacle, win the obstacles over first, but don't focus too much on them.

During the early stages of a set, you want to keep the rest of the set laughing and hanging off every world you are saying, and mostly ignore the really hot one. The only time you'll be speaking to her is to neg her, then get back into the rest of the set.

Don't overdo negging, but I didn't see you do any of that in your reports. Turn your attention to the target later on, when you think all her friends approve of you and she is becoming attracted to you.

Also, you aren't Demonstrating Higher Value. You have to DHV yourself, or why else should they become interested in you? Demonstrate some higher value, mention a hot ex, a successful business owner, anything you think demonstrates higher value.

Good luck,

-Lust.

 

[KneghtRyder]

dude i've signed onto read your journal ....even though i dont post muich i'll be reading your

Good Luck dude - your got determination and thats good.

Btw.. I also havea very nice car and fairly wealthy..if your in NY/NJ area and wanna wing...hit me up dude we'll rack up the numbers baby

 

[On Point]

Yeah, I think you're right on, your points are the areas I need to grow. These are the things that are more new to me. I have a good sense of humor, but in the past I've always played off things other people say. I need to learn to put myself out there a little more.

Most of the conversations I've had are pretty mundane. I'll try to transcribe a few in more detail going forward. I'm asking the usual questions (Where you from, siblings, job, schooll) but boring the hell out of some of these women. LOL.

"keep the rest of the set laughing and hanging off every world you are saying" - easier said than done my friend! I'm trying to get out more so I actually have more to talk about. My life over the past year was pretty boring and mundane in a lot of ways. I've been making huge strides these past three weeks though.

As far as DHV, again you're totally right. Do you read the women to figure out what sorts of things to mention? I have some money, nice car, etc., but I'm not too interested in the type who'd be interested in me because of that. Maybe that's just AFC thinking, I dunno. I've been talking up boxing and some of the outdoor activities I've been doing.

Anyways the help is MUCH appreciated, I'll think on those things a bit and try and work on them this week. Man this is really encouraging, I feel like talking up more chicks right now, but I have to sleep, lol.

Hey mate this is awesome, not a lot of guys who actually do some work around here.

A few tips though.

Get a more interesting opener,

You have about 3 seconds after you say the words "Excuse me" to either triggering the ***** shield or avoiding it.

Also, it sounds AFC, you are confident, ****y, you are the man, you don't need to worry about being polite.

I also think you need to inject more humor into your sets, when women laugh, their shields go down. I read a few of your reports and most of your sets were pretty plain, not a lot of really C&F in there, but you didn't get too detailed with your sets.

One last thing, engage the WHOLE group.

Don't open the your target, the hottest woman there. Open with an obstacle, win the obstacles over first, but don't focus too much on them.

During the early stages of a set, you want to keep the rest of the set laughing and hanging off every world you are saying, and mostly ignore the really hot one. The only time you'll be speaking to her is to neg her, then get back into the rest of the set.

Don't overdo negging, but I didn't see you do any of that in your reports. Turn your attention to the target later on, when you think all her friends approve of you and she is becoming attracted to you.

Also, you aren't Demonstrating Higher Value. You have to DHV yourself, or why else should they become interested in you? Demonstrate some higher value, mention a hot ex, a successful business owner, anything you think demonstrates higher value.

Good luck,

-Lust.

 

[On Point]

Thanks man, I appreciate the encouragement. I'm on the west coast.

I'm confident and determined, I just have to figure out what the hell I'm doing, hahah.

dude i've signed onto read your journal ....even though i dont post muich i'll be reading your

Good Luck dude - your got determination and thats good.

Btw.. I also havea very nice car and fairly wealthy..if your in NY/NJ area and wanna wing...hit me up dude we'll rack up the numbers baby

 

[Agent Zero]

Hey, nice journal. I just noticed this one and I always appreciate those who approach since most here don't. My advice to you is to switch up your opener. I mean, what kind of guy has time to sit down by himself with a group of women he doesn't even know? I think it just sends the wrong message. You got a job and a life so you are a busy guy...just go in and get the digits. You don't have to impress women to get the digits.