On Not Being Too Nice

[Blue Phoenix]

Guys I´m a guy that likes to help people. However, this seems to be scaring some girls. It´s funny because I do this to all people, not to "appease" women. Any suggestion?

Men, not being too nice is a mandatory, all inclusive
mandate you must follow to have The Right Attitude.
Of course she wants you to treat her nicely, fairly
and with respect. However, what you consider nice,
fair and respectful is rarely what she hopes for.
Why? Because every woman is an individual human
being with her own story to tell, her own personal
goals, values and morals, just like you.

She has a unique history of bad and good times at
the hand of males, beginning with Daddy, followed
by boyfriends, fiancees, and ex-husbands. Many
have also had an ego-crushing, heart-breaking
experience with a master manipulator like the
professional game player, Randy RedPorsche.

I love being nice. It is my nature to be nice to anyone
I like but even more so to women I enjoy. By
nice I mean considerate, polite, open, vulnerable,
giving, attentive, appreciative, warm, accepting,
gentle, demonstrative and expressive with my affection,
and such.

During the early aftermath of my divorce I found
women to be unappreciative, even offended by my
inclination to be nice. I was shocked and disappointed.

I soon learned that nearly all women find this
behavior unacceptable in any male. There have been
a couple of wonderful exceptions but even those
women resisted being treated well at first.
Meeting someone nice disorients her. I don't know
if she thinks it's too good to be true. I do know many
women saw me as a wimp and lost respect, as well
as interest, quickly. How do I know? Because I got
tired of striking out and asked in simple English,
"What did I do wrong?" Good old feedback.
Here are some possibilities. She's been treated
poorly for so long by Daddy, her boyfriends and her
ex-husband that it seems normal, manly. Or, she's
been catered to for so long she's tired of it. Daddy
spoiled her. Jimmy adored her. Her ex chases her.
She wants you to "act like a man." Then again, she
may be like many people who perceive nice as weak.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Part 2

A WOMAN'S VIEW ON 'NICE'

This letter is by 22 year old Hillary Heinz, Eugene,
Oregon, in response to an advice columnist
asking why women put up with abysmal treatment
from boyfriends.
Although I swore I would never put myself
through the torture I saw several friends go
through, I broke up with several wonderful
(nice) guys to obsess over an unattainable jerk.
Then I clung to a guy who was nicer to strangers
at the bus stop than he ever was to me.
When I finally found the incredible guy I'm
with now, I was sure it wouldn't last, because
he was "too nice to be interesting," Fortunately,
I was so exhausted from years of trying to
make the wrong guys love me, I relaxed and
gave him a chance to show me how remarkably
intelligent, likable and lovable he is, how much
fun we could have together—and how nice it
was to be happy for days, weeks, months on
end.

And then the real reason for the "nice guy"
problem occurred to me: I actually caught myself
thinking, "He's nice to me, but he's nice to
everybody! How will I ever know he loves me?"
Then I realized that young women don't want
to be treated like dirt. They want to be treated
nicely by guys who aren't nice—guys whose
only reason to be nice would be that they were
compelled to change by their love for that special
girl, thus providing her with coveted proof
of her lovability.
Take a look at nearly every trash novel. The
hero is a heartless rake or a villain who only
because of his overwhelming love for the heroine
changes his ways. It's a popular fictional
approach to relationships, but it never works in
reality, because the guy never changes!"
This is the best explanation I've ever come
across. It matches my experience. It rings true. Who
knows? Who cares? Too nice does not work in the beginning
and for an unknown time thereafter.

ONLY COMMODES ACCOMMODATE

Being accommodating is absolutely the kiss of
death. You know, adjusting your schedule to hers,
agreeing to see the movie she wants after a minor
tiff, changing a lunch date because her girl friend is
in town.
As stunningly stupid at it sounds, some of them
see you as accommodating if you yield to her desire
for Mexican food instead of Chinese!
Commode is spelled like accommodate. Use this
memory association technique to prevent your affair
from ending up in the commode.
Eventually, she may be able to accept your nice
treatment of her, phone calls just to talk, flowers,
back rubs, presents and so forth. But early on she
will simply drop you.
I wish it were not like this, but it is. My helpful
hint is simple-Live with it.
Here are some detailed Helpful Hints for everyone.

Only the amateur thinks he knows everything - ROBERT LUDLUM

*Body Language Secrets -- A Guide During Courtship And Dating

Guys, I remember this theme being discussed in one of DDangelo´s program and I found him stupid for saying we "cannot" help women, but now I think he might have a point!

 

[Interceptor]

Being too nice often makes women feel like you're nice to everyone, and she doesnt feel 'special' when youre nice to her.

Being too nice makes her feel like you are trying to overcompensate too. For lack of personality, sexiness, charisma, masculinity whatever.

Being too nice and approval seeking, and accomodating does really kill attraction. It makes a woman feel like you are living in a dream world, not in touch with reality, and are insecure about yourself.
It als places her in a weird psychological heirarchy in that she may feel ike it is a mother/son relationship.
And many women are terrified of havinf that kind of relationship with a grown man.
Many men unconcsciously are looking for a mother. Theyre looking for a woman to replace their mother.
Being nice and approval seeking is the manner these men got a long and related with their mothers. Without too much experience and shrewdness these men grow up thinkin gthat this is how adult , sexual women work. And then to their dismay they find out it doesnt.

Since so many people think that being nice is a sign of wekness, it then becomes the attraction/sexuality killer.

Because if a womans chief drive si to find security, and find a man that provides her with security, how can she be attracted to a man that appears to be a pushover?

Again, most men who do not understand the dynamics of attraction, move in seeking approval and trying to provide comfort to be accepted as a sexual partner by these women. And this is totally backwards.

It will NEVER work this way!!

"Im safe! Im loveable! IM nice! IM romantic! Please accept me! Please approve of me!"

is that sexy to you??!


I didnt think so.

Women are looking for a raw, powerful sexuality. One that unliocks them and frees them from the constraints of societial programming, their own guilt and shame.

Being nice is not what women want.
Wiomen are afraid fo guys who are afraid of being sexual and sexuality in general.
Being nice just to appease women will never work out for you.
Seeking approval just to get in their pants will never work out foryou.




Being able to put her in her place is NOT WRONG or dangerous.

.Not taking her sh*t IS what women want!

Being a Man and living YOUR won Life according to what YOU Want is extremely attractive to Women!

WOmen do NOT want you to 'drop everything " to be with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Heres the thing, there will be a time where a woman WILL test you on this.
Be ready for that moment. Early on, when things are going good for you and youre in Heaven.
She will drop a curious bomb on you. She will HOPE to God that you notice it, and do not cave in to her.
Dont be overly accomodating to a woman you barely know.
She is not your Wife or even your established GF.

Understand that everything between you has stages.
Theres a REASON WHY it is called ESCALATION

IF she is not giving you anythihg, then dont feel obligated to GIVE TO HER.


"OMG!! But I will LOSE her!! MG!! NO! What will I do???!! No, I cant afford to lose her!!"

This is wrong. TOTALLY the WRONG MindSET
Totally wrong.
If theres ONE thing you get out of this is THAT.

Do not think about 'losing her'.

You are NEVER in 'DANGER" of "losing her".

But you are in danger of looking too desperate!

Do not think about 'winning her over."

These are constructs that do not serve your purpose.
Because they set the frame that YOU are lower Value.

And women are dying to find MEN who understand the Life women lead.

Women dont want to be up on a pedestal.
Because this means you are LOWER VALUE to HER!
And you have made her to NOT feel attraction to you. Affection, maybe.
But NOT 'attraction".





She KNOWS what she is doing when shes holding back on you.

She know what youre doing when youre trying to seek approval and acceptance and GIVE AND GIVE AND GIVE when she herself has GIVEN NOTHING to you.


And that you can give, WHEN SHE GIVES to YOU.

She WANTS you to be in CONTROL of your desires and your RESOURCES

and she wants you to feel confident enough to walk away if you have to.

When you sacrfice everything just for a CHANCE at that pvssy, youll NEVER ever EVER get it!!

And she will know. She will realize it.
And she will stay away.

 

[NoMoreTapDancing]

How about, STOP reading all this information on HOW YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE, and rather just BE HOW YOU ARE?

The reason for alot of problems is we don't know if we have been TOO NICE... e.g hmm, maybe I should have been less nice, hmmm maybe i should have used more ****y + funny, hmmm maybe I should be like this or like that.

No wonder you can't ******dly focus on THE GIRL IN FRONT OF YOU.
Your brain is just churning away thinking about WHAT TO DO, you are not being yourself in this instance, you are trying to be how you THINK you should be in order to succeed. The funny thing is, if you let go of all of these things you posted about and just be PRESENT in the moment and REACT in your natural way, you'll wonder WHY you spent so much time confusing yourself reading all these things.

 

[NoMoreTapDancing]

why has the forum blanked out the word o-u-t-w-a-r-d?
o-u-t-w-a-r-d-l-y focusing is a swear word?

 

[Interceptor]

How about, STOP reading all this information on HOW YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE, and rather just BE HOW YOU ARE?

A lot of men feel that 'being who the are" is not getting them the reuslts they want.
Unfortunately, when the 'just be yourself' advice is given, it is usually from a person who has no idea the circumstances other people are facing.

It is an oversimplification of a deeper issue.


The truth is, that for them to REALIZE and RECOGNIZE who they are, they must start somewhere.


It is true that the notion of SELF ACCEPTANCE is good and helpful.

But this is the beginning of the journey.


Many men grow up thinking they are NOT good enough.
Thus, the prevalence for the approval seeking behavior found today.

I think it is important to find the CAUSE of our ignorance.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Holy sh!t man!!! :cheer:

 

[JackPrescott]

Nice guys finish last. Bad guys fukk the Prom Queen. It's that simple. Last night I saw a pretty HB7-8 out with a ridiculous looking ugly, obese man. It turns out he had drugs. Well, the night ended ugly, with him abusing her, and getting abused by a frustrated AFC who was much bigger. The Frustrated AFC head0butted his obese ass on the eye, raising a welt the size of a fukking Tennis Ball! It was fun to watch, as for once, the AFC got a little bit of revenge on the druggie Don Juan.

Point in case, is simply that this young, blonde attractive female was out with a dreg. Was the dreg "a nice guy?" No, he was a loser, but an a$$hole, and this pretty much entitles guys to pu$$y. A good friend of mine an MD with a gorgeous 2 story house, 40 years old still has to invite female cousins to accompany him out to Company Dinners, and vacations ect, because he is a sweetheart of a man, and women, even with his MD credentials and bank account find that repulsive. If he was a typical ass chasing DJ, the guy would basically be Caligula. But he is a legitimate nice guy, and still has to jack off to the Playboy Channel.

 

[The Deacon]

You can be nice as long as you're not approval seeking as you do it.

Think about it this way. If you're in a dancing competition and there's a judge in front of you, you are definitely trying to impress the judge. If the judge gives you positive marks on your scoresheet because of certain things you have done well, you feel authentically validated since you know the judge isn't just putting positive marks on your paper to gain your approval.

Women love compliments, they just don't like wussies. You can give compliments and still be a DJ. You have to sub-communicate that you have higher value by your body language and tone of voice, though.

 

[crossboss]

Skipped ahead because kind of on tight schedule

Never give advice to a female unless asked. It makes you seem like like you are over dominanting.

 

[NoMoreTapDancing]

Don't help women.
but DO be dominating.
It's YOUR role as a man.

 

[crossboss]

What I meant was

You don't want to known as 'over dominating' since that will make you look like a fake nice guy. You just want to seen as a decent guy, with a decent personality. There is a way to be leader in a good way, and dominate in a bad way.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Interceptor it´s funny man because my mother wants me to do whatever she wants me to do. I wanted to buy my motorcycle and she didn´t want me to, I bought it anyway (I love bikes). :crackup:

I´ve been working and making some money and she was complaning about the things I bought (bear in mind, I always save money and don´t buy so much). She gets p!ssed because I don´t do what she wants me to do, sometimes we engage in some confrontations.

Sometimes I feel guity because I see that she feels hurt, and I often get a bit agressive when she wants me to comply with her mindset.